Double Crossed

A Big Plate of Tension Pie

After Cadwell's recollection of what happened to him, Ryan and I popped his arm back into place. After that, Cadwell could barely move his arm without pain and he wasn't happy about it. He knows he is not in any shape to help us fight and he definitely wasn't happy about the consensus to stay behind in the hotel room Zack and the others booked.

It was only a half hour more before we reached the hotel room, we dropped off Cadwell and explained everything to the others quickly before heading off again. Now I'm sitting in the trunk of the van with Zack. Zane, Sophia, Jade, Mel, and Kim are following us in another car and we only have an hour before we arrive in Ottawa.

Zack switched with Ryan when we reached the hotel room, but Ryan wasn't all that pleased about it, not that anyone else noticed though. I know Zack wants to be alone with me, but I don't know why. After everything that happened, not only do I think he's over-reacting a bit but we are about to head into the battle of our lives, is this really a good time to have this impending heart-to-heart?

My thoughts instantly stop as I feel his eyes boring into me. All my muscles tense and I immediately know that Zack is going to have this talk whether now is the right time or not. As I look up to meet his gaze he runs a hand through his hair, making it stick up in many directions. "So how've you been?" He asks me, but this time he breaks eye contact, and against my better judgement I start to profile him. The tension in the room is palpable, I could literally serve it to someone on a plate if I so desired, but if Zack's not going to address the elephant in the room then neither will I.

"Good," I respond, careful to make my voice calm and even. "Although it has been pretty chaotic lately."

He nods. "Yeah, I can't believe this is happening. It feels so surreal at times, but this is what CSIS has been preparing us for since day one." I don't know why, but I expect him to say more. His thought seem so unfinished, like he wants to say more but, just isn't. I squirm in my seat, suddenly uncomfortable by Zack's odd behaviour.

Silence falls over us. It doesn't just settle gently and peacefully like I'd hoped, but rather bulldozes in loud and obnoxiously like a proud horse looking for attention. It's very awkward and we are both thinking it. For a minute I think Zack has become consumed in his thoughts, and I start to relax, but then he jerks his head up so suddenly that every muscle in my body tenses as if I'm ready for an attack.

I expect my body to relax shortly after, but it doesn't. The sight that is staring back at me only makes my mind run in a thousand different directions. Zack's deep blue eyes hold mine with such determination that I am captivated. No matter how hard I try, I can't look away and in that one instant, all the feelings that I thought I had long erased, replaced by the ones I have for Ryan, came back. And now the feelings I have for two different guys are fighting much like the war I'm currently heading into.

Just when I think I have everything figured out, Zack needs to come waltzing back in here with his stupid irresistible blue eyes and make me rethink everything I thought I knew about my love life. I shouldn't have kissed Ryan that night. Not because I didn't enjoy it, but because I wasn't positive about my feelings then or now. How can I have enjoyed Ryan's kiss and still want more and have feelings for Zack at the same time?

Zack gets up out of the blue and comes over to sit by me. He stares off for a minute, appearing to be deep in thought before he runs a hand through his hair and turns to look at me. "I suck at this," Zack says out of nowhere. "But I'm sorry."