Vera

chapter 30

V E R A
P R E S E N T D A Y

This day is hands down the best day I've had this year. Watching Soren freeze up when Emmy called him daddy is the highlight of it.

I decided to come clean to my daughter, telling her that Ren her best friend is actually her dad but without the details of his betrayal. He lived almost five years in guilt and that was enough for me.

Guilt is a horrible feeling, one that consistently stings no matter where you are. If you're trying to be happy, guilt comes in and tells you, you shouldn't. If you're sad, guilt comes in and tells you at least you are the one alive. If you're hurt or suffering, guilt tells you you deserve to be in pain.

I know how to deal with guilt firsthand, it sucks like a bitch which is why I put Soren through it. I made him think I was dead, watched his face as he dealt with the grief. I had cameras everywhere he went, he never smiled. He did his job and always went home afterward.

I told him I didn't blame him for choosing his family and it's the truth, but he deserved to hurt as much as I did.

I was terrified to have Emmy around him when he first got here. I was scared he'd break her heart but after watching him with her, I came to realize Soren wouldn't dare to do that. I've seen many made men choose anyone else but their daughter but Soren isn't like that. Soren wasn't your average, bulgy-made man fueled with anger and pushes everyone in his family in order to protect himself in a line of fire. No, he's the one who'd jump in front of a bullet for his family.

He'd protect Emmy when it comes to it. I trust him on that.

I watch him hold Emmy on his chest as he gently strokes her hair with one hand and the other holding a book as he reads it to her in a gentle, soft voice. She's listening to him, her eyes fluttering close every now and then but she tries to stay awake to listen to him finish the story.

Even when her eyes are closed and her breath evens out, he continues to finish the story. He gently lays her down on her pillow and pulls the cover over her. He smiles at me and I reciprocate.

We spent the rest of the day in this room, playing with Emmy as she hosts a tea party for us and her stuffed animals. Soren gets up from the bed and I watch his figure move from his side to the other side where I'm laying. He holds his hand out, and I take it so he can lift me up and out of bed. He guides me to the bathroom and closes the door behind us.

"Thank you." He wraps me in an embrace, kissing my head.

"For?"

"Telling her. I know it was hard." He looks down at me, "I'm sorry I had to put you in that position."

I shake my head, wrapping my arm around his naked torso, "It's okay Soren, I'm over it."

"I'm sorry."

I shake my head again, "Don't apologize, I told you I understand."

His thumb draws circles on my back. He closes his eyes, leaning his head back and when he looks at me again, my heart breaks. He looks despaired, regretful, sorrowful, guilty, and any words that can relate to guilt. "I didn't love my father but I loved you. How could I do that to somebody I love Vera? How could I do this to you?"

I lift my hand up, holding his face, and wiped the lone tear that fell. "You were neglected. All you wanted was for your family to love you and you tried, baby. You tried to get them to be proud of you. I won't ever blame you for that, I'd be the last person to."

He leans down, kissing my lips. "You're too good for me, too good for this world."

I laugh, "Let's not go too far. I've had my fair share of mistakes and regrets."