Stuck in Ketterdam {K. BREKKER}

Chapter 3

♧ 3rd POV ♧

As Mia distanced herself from Kaz, Kaz had only wanted her closer. As he tried to process his feelings, his worry for Mia as well as his untold feelings caused him to be on edge and easily angered, more so than usual. Mia was extremely hurt, as she thought her and Kaz were comrades and were at the least, allies. She guessed she was wrong on that front. Mia sighed as she walked up the stairs of the Slat. She had been avoiding Kaz, and it hurt her to do it. She loved him. Deeply. So much it hurt. She saw the kindness underneath the stone as well as steel walls that surrounded his heart and she wanted to tell him he didn't have to put this facade up. But, she also knew that the Barrel tolerated no weakness. That it would never compromise. And it hurt Mia, but if Kaz didn't want to let her in, then she wouldn't force him...

~Inej's POV ~

I watched as Mia walked into the Crow Club, looking like the world was on her shoulders. She sat between Jesper and Wylan, and curled up beside Jesper. Jesper turned to her with a smile, but it dropped when he saw her face. He rubbed her arm and smiled softly " Love, you alright? " The red head sighed " I'm fine, Jes. Just so..tired." He nodded and held her close " Well, you can rest if you want. " I almost corrected him, but the look in his eyes said he understood. I watched Mia as she rested in Jes's arms, and my mind burned with indignation. Kaz had seriously hurt Mia, maybe because he didn't want to accept that he loved Mia. She knew that Kaz didn't think he was good enough for Mia, that he was a monster. But, in the Barrel, we're all monsters in one way or another. You had to take love and happiness where you could find it. I walked upstairs, silently as usual. I knocked on Kaz's office door and when I heard an affirmative "come in", I walked inside. Kaz turned to me and sighed " Hello, Inej. Is there anything I can do for you? " I nodded " Yes, there is. You can go apologize to Mia, for being an arse to her and then you can tell her how you really feel, because Mia is hurting and I can see it. Jes can see it. All of us can see it. You are avoiding it and I can tell. Just tell her, or I will. I can promise you that. " Kaz glared at me " Inej, I can promise you that if I even entertained the idea of telling Mia, she very likely wouldn't feel the same. I am a monster, Inej. And she is too kind, too pure for someone like me. I don't want to ruin that. And I would, if I pursued her. Which is why I won't. " I sighed " Kaz, we are all monsters. Even Mia knows that. The Barrel changes us all in one way or another. Mia is one of those. She has her own problems and pain that she needs to avenge. You are not helping it by pushing her away. You hurting yourself and Mia. If you're such a monster, why did you protect us when we needed it? Why did you protect Mia when she would have to walk to the Slat alone at night? Or just go yourself? Even though you would never tell her, cause that would show you care, Kaz. You've done honorable things, because you have a conscience, or some semblance of morals. That's what makes you different from these Barrel bosses, because you honor your deals. You don't con people. You give them the truth, no matter how terrifying it may be. You should at least give Mia that. The truth. It's okay to care, Kaz. I can tell you love her deeply, and I know she feels the same. She's told me how she cares for you. How she admires your drive and your strength. How she wishes you understood that it's okay to open up to us." Kaz had no expression on his face but I could see it in his eyes, he was shocked. I looked at him once more before I left. I sighed " If you lose Mia because of your inaction, I will show you no sympathy. Mia is a kind, caring girl but you may use up all her empathy for you. I hope you make the right decision. " With that being said, I walked out of Kaz's office. As I walked down the stairs, I saw Mia asleep on Jesper and Wylan, as well as Nina, playing cards. I sat opposite Mia, and Jesper smiled when he saw me. I watched Mia " How is she?" Jesper sighed " She could be better. She's emotionally and physically exhausted. She's been pushing herself on heists and I'm worried she's gonna overwork herself. Look at her, she's worn out. Kaz needs to sort him and his emotions out. It's hurting Mia and I don't know how long she'll last. " I nodded and decided to head to bed. When I reached my room, I prayed to the Saints to help Mia and Kaz realize that they were good for each other as well as for their happiness.

~3rd POV~

Kaz sat at his desk, trying to focus on his work, but all he could focus on was what Inej had said. Mia did deserve the truth. Not some half-truths, not an assumption. She needed the full truth. He ran his hands through his hair as he thought about how to proceed. Kaz Brekker always had a plan, and a backup plan, as well as a backup plan for the backup plan. He was always prepared. And he was always lethal. But, Mia, she caught him off guard. Distracted him. He always worried about her. Then scolded himself for his schoolboy crush. She is just another Dreg. She is of no importance. She is just a distraction. But she isn't. You care for her. Rietveld had come back to the surface, as he always did when Mia was in his thoughts, and he was determined to get his way. Kaz shook his head in disbelief and grabbed his cane, trying to not lose his nerve. He walked down the hall and stood in front of Mia's door. He knocked twice and he heard a soft "come in." He opened the door and found Mia laying on her bed, writing in a journal. She looked at him, with an unexpected pain in her eyes. She quickly hid it from her expression " What do you want, Kaz? Are you here to say I'm an investment again? Or are you here to just tell me to leave?" She said this with a quiet anger, that was..unlike her. Kaz sighed and looked at her " May I sit?" Mia nodded and he sat at the foot of the bed. He looked down " Mia, I never meant to cause you pain, by being incredibly incredibly foolish. In fact, that is one thing I'd wish to never cause you. But, I did in fact cause you pain. And I'm so sorry. You deserve so much better than me, but...you still stay. Why?" She looked at Kaz with a kind expression " Kaz, I stick around because I care for you and the Crows. I have family here and you don't turn your back on family. Not even if they sometimes say hurtful things." Kaz looked down in shame and Mia laid a hand on his cane. He looked up and saw Mia's expression, which was full of love and sympathy. He took a breath and moved her hand on his cane to his gloved hand. She instantly looked confused and Kaz sighed with a chuckle " Mia, you have changed me. In ways I normally would not tolerate. You have made me more sentimental than usual, and I am always worried about you; if you're safe, or hurt, did you make it to the Slat alright? And it was confusing and irritating, at first. But, now I realize that I care for you, more than an ally or a friend, but romantically. And I know that I'm not the most easy partner or even the most likable one. But I know, that if you'll have me, I'll try to love you the best I can. Once again, if you'll even have me. " Mia looked shocked and Kaz felt regret course through him. He shook his head " I'm sorry for inconvenicing you. I'll leave you be. I hope this doesn't change anything. " He almost got up to leave, until....
Mia stopped him. Mia had caught the edge of his coat and smiled when he turned around in surprise " Kaz, you didn't even let me answer. I'd love to be with you, if you'll have me of course. " She smiled and Kaz sat as close to her as he could. He had a small smile on his face " So, you do like me? I was hoping to not look like a love sick fool, and I'm glad I was saved the embarrassment. " Mia laughed at that " Well, Kaz, you never have to worry about that with me. I know you have problems with expressing your feelings and I have that too. It's not embarrassing, but it can feel like it sometimes. " Kaz looked at her and his lips quirked up to the side. To many, it would look something like a smirk but to Mia and Kaz, that was as close to a smile as she would get for now, not that she was complaining. Kaz sat beside her, as close as he possibly could without the waters rising. He entwined his pinky finger with hers, which caused a small smile to grace Mia's face, and Kaz felt his heart lift. Mia squeezed it in return and he knew he had to do something in return. He held her hand up to his lips and kissed it once. Mia looked shocked, and then a tear fell down her face at the thought of Kaz fighting his trauma for...her. She didn't know she was worthy of that months ago, but she realized that her and Kaz would fight this, no matter what came for them. Be it their own haunted pasts, or the bosses of the Barrel, they would get through it together. She felt determination fill her heart along with an overwhelming feeling of love and peace. And when she looked at Kaz, she saw the same emotions present in his eyes. Peace and and overwhelming love..
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As the sun set over Ketterdam, the Barrel was quiet with the drowsiness of the week's beginning. But, in a hidden part of a building called the Slat, two young people were talking quietly, reveling in the soft quietness of the evening. A young boy, a thug no older than 19 with a reputation of ruthlessness and pain. A young girl, abused and hurt by the careless and ruthless city she lived in, yet she still had a kind heart within her. An unlikely pair. Yet extremely compatible. As they explore their newfound relationship, they enjoy the safety of the dawn as the previous day has ended with its fear and uncertainty, and a new day has begun, and with the new day, brings hope and happiness for two teenagers, who have been let down and broken, but they found strength in their love for each other and their love of their friends..