The Ballad of Matthias Helvar (Helnik)

Part Four: Coda

"Yea, and if some god shall wreck me in the wine-dark deep, even so I will endure... For already have I suffered full much, and much have I toiled in perils of waves and war. Let this be added to the tale of those." — The Odyssey, Homer

There was nothing worse than waiting outside the Brum family door. Matthias could hear the two of them dining inside, mumbling pleasantries as silverware clanked against glassware. He didn't want to pry so instead he took to organizing his thoughts. He had several speeches tucked away and ready to go solely based off of Brum's mood. He had one full of love, and another one of pure logistics and reasoning. It all depended on which Jarl Brum he would have to face today.

The door opened slowly, and Ylva peaked her head outside. She locked her gaze on Matthias, giving him a sympathetic smile as she stepped into the hallway.

"He's all yours," she said.

"Thank you, Ylva," Matthias said, giving her a small bow.

"I wish you luck, Matthias. I really do."

She grabbed his hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze before walking away, heels clicking on the tile floor. Matthias slunk towards the door, and took one final breath before walking inside the tea room.

Brum didn't look fazed at all when he saw Matthias. He waved a weathered hand towards the chair across from him with a polite smile on his bearded face.

"It's good to see you again, Matthias," Brum said. "You must try Ylva's biscuits. They're to die for."

Matthias picked up a jam tart from one of the plates in front of him and took a small bite. It probably would have tasted good if he wasn't so nervous. Instead, it just felt dry and salty in his mouth. He badly wanted something to drink, so he began to pour himself a cup of tea. Hopefully Brum wouldn't notice how badly he was shaking.

"You know, I was a bit surprised when Ylva said you two had talked," Brum said, taking one of the jam tarts from the set. "Usually people just schedule appointments if they want to talk to me."

"Your wife is very kind," Matthias said. "I can see where your daughter gets her compassion from."

"You've met Hanne too, have you?" Brum laughed. "You must have a way with women if you can get that girl to talk to you. She's usually so reserved, Djel bless her."

"She's very smart, too," Matthias added. "You've done well raising her."

"And yet I fear it still hasn't been enough." He set his teacup down and leaned against the sofa. "But you're not here to hear about all of that. What did you want to talk about, Matthias?"

This was it. All Matthias needed to do was talk to Brum. The good Brum — the kind Brum who treated him like a son and took his tea with so much milk it was practically golden. This was the Brum that he was the most scared of.

An angry Brum needed reasoning. A tired Brum needed simplicity and ease. But a happy Brum who made jokes and smiled when he talked about his family? How could Matthias ruin such a man like him? He was good — he was kind and smart and the greatest man Matthias had ever met. So how could Matthias break his spirit? Break his trust?

Matthias clenched his teacup and said the only thing that was on his mind: "I don't think I can do this."

Brum frowned. "Are you feeling alright, Matthias?"

No. No, Matthias was not feeling alright! He wanted to cry or rip his hair out or break that stupid coffee table in half. He wanted to run as far away from here as possible and never look back.