General Lee's Revenge--Knightmares

Chapter Eight: The Hogg Ratio

(Stay tuned for Chapter Nine, that's the last chapter. But anyway, by request, I present you with a jump for the first time in a long time. But, you know, as always ✨angst✨ so proceed.)

Boss Hogg stood from his desk abruptly, slamming down a bundle of papers he'd had in his hand with a grunt of frustration. Cletus put a hand on his head, backing away towards the door.

"Defects!" Boss Hogg shouted. He repeated the word as if it were a slur.

"Oh, cousin Boss, now, they ain't hurtin' nobody," Cletus said, not that Boss Hogg cared to acknowledge his input.

"Not hurtin' nobody?" Boss Hogg scooped the papers off his desk, waving them in front of Cletus. "You call this not hurtin' nobody?"

Cletus took the papers from him, seeing they were bills for petroleum products and automotive parts. Hazzard spent more on the products than it made selling them because Defects didn't use money.

"Don't you see? Takin' gas and parts for free, mine. They're bad for the economy, also mine. And do they do anything to help me or the economy? No, they don't! They're all swoonin' over them Dukes, and I intend to do somethin' about it."

Cletus shook his head. "But what can you do cousin Boss? Remember you took that oath not to mess with the Dukes no more?"

"Yeah, and so what I did. I never said nothin' about no Defects, did I?"

"No, sir, I don't reckon you did."

Boss Hogg pointed his cigar at him. "Precisely, so we get rid of the Defects, startin' with that red Fury over in Cooter's garage."

"G-get rid of 'em?"

"Yeah," Boss Hogg sneered, picking up a business card off of his desk, holding it up so Cletus could see. "The Prescott Auto-Salvage Corporation."

Cletus swallowed hard, reading the card.

"We get rid of that Fury, and the other cars'll go lookin' for her. And by the time they're through, they'll all be itty bitty cubes of scrap metal!"

"You can't do that cousin Boss, that's murder, you'll be put in prison!"

"No I won't."

"You won't?"

Boss Hogg shook his head. "I won't on account of there ain't no laws protectin' Defects, not a single one."

"But there are against grand theft auto and destruction of property, ain't there? I mean, General Lee, he belongs to the Dukes."

Boss Hogg chuckled. "I never said nothin' about General Lee, I'm talkin' about the rest of 'em. Namely, that Thunder one, drivin' around here like he's so important. That should be me out there, not him!"

Cletus snickered as he said this.

"What?"

"Cousin Boss, I swear if I didn't know no better I'd say you was jealous of a truck."

"Jealous? I ain't jealous! I just don't think it's fair that a pickup truck has more public support than me!"

"Well, to be fair, Thunder has done more for the people of Hazzard than you ever have." Cletus shrugged. "Who knows, he might even be elected into office one day, you never know."

"Elected into public office, that truck? Over my dead, rottin' corpse! Can't you see why I'm tryna get rid of 'em?"

Cletus shrugged again. "I guess I do now, but my question is why you're discussin' this with me and not Rosco."