Cruising Through The Clouds (COMPLETED)

Kabanata 24

Kabanata 24

Walk Away

MAHAPDI ang mga mata ko kinabukasan paggising ko dahil sa magdamag kong pag-iyak. Hindi ko nakita si Anthony matapos akong magising kahapon at tanging ang mga magulang ko lang ang kasama ko.

I felt like I had lost everything to me. Sobra-sobra ang sakit na nararamdaman ko. Hindi ko alam kong paano ko tatanggapin ang nangyari... or worst, hinding-hindi ko matanggap ang nangyari. Hinding-hindi ko mapapatawad ang sarili ko.

Isang katok sa pinto ang nagpa-angat ng tingin ko at nakitang sumilip si Kuya Kellan mula sa pintuan. He then waved at me, kaya tipid akong ngumiti at pinahid ang isang patak ng luha sa pisngi ko.

"How is it going with my princess?" salubong ni Kuya Kellan sa akin sabay halik sa noo ko. He did his best to be a sound enthusiast, but I could see that he was feeling bad for me. "Are you hungry? I brought you some of your signature meals," dagdag nito.

He sat on my bed and caressed my hair gently. Kung sa ibang pagkakataon lang ito, ay kinakantiyawan ko na sana ang paglalambing niya sa akin. He used to do this to me when I was a kid if he knew I was sad or in a lot of pain. Kung alin man sa dalawa ang nararamdaman ko, kaya niya ito ginagawa sa akin, ay ipinagpasalamat ko na nandito siya ngayon.

He was well-versed in my personality.

"I'm not hungry..." I said. I was doing my best to appear normal. My tears, on the other hand, are treasonous. They have always sided with my emotions while betraying my mind.

I cried. I cried so hard to the point that I could hardly catch my breath.

"Sshh... everything will be alright, princess." Kuya Kellan is caressing my back, trying desperately to make me feel better.

Ilang minuto rin ang lumipas bago ako kumalma. Kuya Kellan handed me some water, which I drank. Sinisinok pa ako pero bahagya namang gumaan ang dibdib ko.

Sa halos isang taon kong pananatili sa Washington at hindi ko siya nakita, tapos ganito pa ang sitwasyion ko bago ulit kami magkita, makes me feel at home... kahit na may kulang.

Inubos ni Kuya Kellan ang ilang oras na pananatili niya sa hospital sa pag-aasikaso sa akin and telling stories about how he was stressed out in our aviation school, mostly when he had hard-headed students just like me. I enjoyed listening to him, but deep inside, I'm crawling in pain.

"I'll be back right after my meeting is done, okay? Mama will be here any minute now; umuwi lang iyon dahil may emergency sa bahay." I nodded at him and waved before he closed the door.

Pagkaalis ni Kuya Kellan, naramdaman ko ulit ang lungkot sa puso ko. I'm all aware that I'll be released the next day. And now I'm all right. I heard that I was being given an indefinite leave of absence from the airline as a result of what had happened.

The news about the technical problem with the plane as it was about to land spread like wildfire. Though everyone is fine, aside from me, may malaking impact pa rin iyon sa airline, and it was investigated by the authorities.

I began removing my dextrose and changing my hospital gown. Mabuti na lang talaga at may damit na dinala si Kuya Kellan kanina.

Nagmadali akong mag-ayos at dinala lang ang mga importanting gamit and leave a note for my parents. I also left my phone to avoid traces.

Pagbaba ko pa lang sa taxi ay parang kinain agad ako ng kalungkutan at sakit when I saw planes in the alley. Gusto kong umuwi na lang at magkulong sa kwarto at umiyak.

Ang bigat-bigat ng pakiramdam ko habang unti-unting tumataas sa ere ang eroplano. It felt awkward na nakaupo lang ako rito sa may bintana and not be doing my usual job while on the plane, which is attending to the passengers.

"Here's a tissue, Ma'am."

Nag-angat ako ng tingin dahil sa boses ng crew na lumapit sa akin at naglahad ng tissue. Hindi ko napansin na umiiyak na pala ako. Nagkukusa na lang na lumabas ang mga luha ko dahil pakiramdam ko namanhid na ako.

"Thank you..." I mumbled as I took the tissue in his hand and returned my gaze to the window.

I'll walk away. I need a place that can give me peace. It's necessary to walk away. I must scrutinize the things to which I am devoting my energy and recognize that, while I may stay and try to win their approval or mount their ladder, I could also make the courageous decision to devote whatever energy I have left to a place that welcomes me.

It's never easy to make that decision, and it's never easy to accept that you're on a path that will raise the risk and bring new unknowns. Unfortunately, there are lots of instances when the best thing I can do for my health and for who I am becoming is to walk away. Even if it means altering people's perceptions of me... opinions that I have aren't even rooted in truth. I may still need to walk away, trusting that there is so much more ahead of me.

And now, I am cruising through the clouds, not to chase my dreams... but I'm cruising through the clouds to heal myself, to heal my heart, and to get away from those people who only remind me of my loss.