Cruising Through The Clouds (COMPLETED)

Kabanata 31

Kabanata 31

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ALAS sais pa lang ng umaga nang magising akong wala sa tabi ko Anthony, so I decided to get up, wear my robe, and check the bathroom if he was there.

I closed the bathroom's door when I saw no one inside. Bahagya akong naglakad palapit sa balkonahe nang marinig ko ang boses ni Anthony sa baba, and I saw him talking with Nanay Luna while cutting the plant's leaves and small branches near the hammock.

Nanatili ako doon sa balkonahe, habang pinagmamasdan ko ang maaliwalas na mukha ni Anthony habang tumatawa sa kung ano ang sinabi ni Nanay Luna sa kanya.

I lean on the door and embrace myself because of the cold wind that blows from the sea.

I heard Anthony's laughs again, kaya bahagya rin akong natawa habang pinapakinggan sila. Nakita kong umiiling si Nanay Luna dahil sa kung anoman ang sinabi ni Anthony dito. Naputol lang ang pagmamasid ko nang marinig kong tumunog ang cellphone ni Anthony dahil sa isang tawag.

I walked back inside and picked up the phone at bumalik ulit sa balcony.

"Anthony!" I called. Agad namang tumingala si Anthony sa gawi ko kaya pinakita ko sa kanya ang cellphone na hawak ko.

"Someone's calling." I waved the phone.

"Good morning, sexy!" He smiled widely at me kaya napailing ako.

"Good morning! Someone is calling," ulit ko.

"Who?" Nagkibit ako ng balikat.

"Unregistered."

"Will you answer it for me, baby? Busy pa kasi ako." Sabay tawa nito kaya natatawa ko rin itong inilingan.

The call ended pero agad rin namang nag-ring ulit iyon. I walked inside the room, bago iyon sinagot.

"I haven't seen you around, Anthony; I just got back from QIA." Sa bungad pa lang ng tumawag ay alam ko na agad kung sino iyon. Matinis na boses ni Officer Miller ang sumalubong sa pandinig ko.

I calmed down myself, dahil ayaw kong pangunahan ng nararamdaman ko.

"Nikhil told me that you're on indefinite leave. And don't fucking try to block my number again, Anthony! Where are you? I can come if you want," dagdag nito.

Bumuga ako ng hangin at pinipilit na kinalma ang sarili. I always reminded myself that I was born calm and collected kaya dapat ay kumalma ako.

"Hello? Are you there? Anth—" I cut her words off.

"This isn't Anthony, Officer Miller," kalmado kong saad.

"Ms. Villacote?" tanong nito at halata sa boses ang gulat.

"Yes, it's me. What do you want from Anthony?" Kalmado pa rin ako.

"Where is Anthony? I want to talk to him!" madiin na saad ni Officer Miller sa kabilang linya pero inikotan ko lang ito ng mga mata, as if she's in front of me now.

"If it isn't important, I can cut off the call because we're busy and you're disturbing us," inis na saad ko pero pinanatili kong kalmado ang boses ko. "And... stop chasing my fiancé already because I can attend him anytime. He doesn't need anyone else aside from me," dagdag ko.

"What fiancé are you talking about!?" Bahagya kong nilayo ang cellphone sa tenga ko dahil sa singhal ni Officer Miller. "What the fuck are you talking about, Emelane!?" sigaw ulit nito.

I can feel the raging hate in Officer Miller's voice now. Siguro, kung nasa harapan ko ito ay kaunti na lang ay sasabunutan na ako nito.

"You heard it right, Nazli, and don't pretend that you don't know what the score is between Anthony and me, because I know that you do; you just don't want to accept it for yourself," mahaba kong saad.

I know that she still wants Anthony. It's a crystal clear memory for me when I was in the DIA. Alam ko kung paano niya tingnan si Anthony noon. At lalo na dahil alam kong may nakaraan sila. Nakaraan na hinding-hindi ko mabubura kahit kailan. At wala naman akong balak na ipabura iyon kay Anthony.

"Anthony loves me so much, Emelane. Everyone knows that if I didn't leave and pursue my dreams, we wouldn't break up. He won't leave me!" matigas na saad ni Nazli. Tumango ako.

Alam ko naman iyon. Luella told me about it. Alam rin ng lahat ng taga-DIA ang tungkol sa kanila, maliban na lang sa akin dati. Kaya noong nalaman ko ang tungkol sa kanila nang bumalik siya, I tried my best to avoid Anthony dahil ayaw kong masaktan at magmukhang kawawa sa huli. Ayaw kong maiwan na basag ang puso at luhaan. Ayaw kong maranasan ang naranasan ko kay Galan. Ayaw kong masaktan ulit dahil na naman sa lalaking hindi nararapat sa akin.

But this time is different. Hindi naman sa lahat ng oras ay kailangan kong magpaubaya lagi para sa iba. Syempre kailangan ko ring isipin ang sarili ko. Lalo na ngayon na hindi lang sarili ko ang dapat na iniisip ko.

"That's the difference between us, Nazli; I also left Anthony without saying anything, but he found me and didn't leave me," matapang kong sagot.

I don't want to hurt her ego, and I don't want to hurt Anthony's either. She once hurt Anthony, and I did the same, but Anthony didn't lose hope of finding me.

"Quit fooling around, Emelane! I know that Anthony loves me!"

"Why don't you buy a dictionary and study what 'move on' means, Officer Miller. He doesn't love you anymore, but there you are still forcing yourself." Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko.

"It's because I am his first love! Don't you get that, Emelane!?"

Napailing na lang ako dahil sa sinabi ni Nazli. Hindi talaga nito makuha ang ibig kong sabihin.

"Then, I'm sorry; you were the first love, but I am the chosen one, Officer Miller. I hope you get the point now. Anthony is pursuing me because he loves me. I left him because I wanted him to know his real feelings. I don't want to play around, so I want him to know who he wants to be with. I don't need to force him to be with me. I want him to choose the best woman for him."

I learned a truth about men already, kaya hindi ko na dapat na ipilit ang sarili ko sa mga bagay-bagay. I'll let him do what he wants because being honest about things in your past will not make you keep a man.

Being faithful and loyal from day one won't make me keep a man. Treating a man better than he's ever been treated doesn't make me keep him. Making an effort every single day to make sure he knows I truly care will not make me keep a man. Giving him all the time that I can spare doesn't make me keep a man.

I could have the best intentions in the world, the most sincere feelings, and be the most perfect woman in existence, but I would still be able to not keep a man.

I learned that the only way to keep a man is if he wants to be kept by me.

With a man, I can tell he wants to be kept when the relationship gets very hard, and he does everything to fight for me. A man will only fight for a woman he wants to belong to. So if he isn't fighting for me when things get hard, then that means he doesn't want to be kept by me anymore.

The point I'm trying to make is that I won't hold on to a man who doesn't want to be kept by me. I'm not giving up on him. It's quite the opposite. It's him who gave up on me, and I shouldn't waste any more of my time than I already have.

Know when it's time to let go. I know when it's time to walk away. And know when it's time for him to be unkept.