Exploring The Bond,Within (Completed)

2. Breaking ties ...on paper or hearts.

She had been delivered the divorce papers to her place, now she stood there emotionless, her ever expressive face portrayed utter numbness, that even darkness would've recognised easily. She had so many things going on in her head that she was not able to listen to what her masima was screaming and she being dragged by her to the pandya niwas; her masima screamed as she looked around the whole pandya niwas with her rage-filled eyes.

On the other hand, she was so engrossed and her mind was so blocked she was neither being able to think, nor accept these facts occuring in her life. She was not in a state to talk to anyone and apparently not even able to question anyone because before questioning anyone, she had a million of questions for herself to deal with...and amidst all the chaos, she felt someone entering through even without any voice, she turned her neck just to see him entering in..but today, it was different , it was not her Shiva today, was he?

No, he wasn't , but the question which arose in her wrenched heart was that was he even Shiva? She did not knew, she had no answer to this question but there he stood, and her eyes caught his eyes and stuck there, as if her eyes were questioning him and the way he was looking, his eyes had no answer to them.

After all, things were said and heard, all facts argued and answered, out of furiousness and anger boiling up on her she angrily signed the papers and left hurriedly and before anyone could have chased she had ran away, ran away from the whole family, from the peer pressure of society, from herself but questions which she had and the self-doubts he had given birth to in herself were behind her, wherever she went; they followed. Was she running in search of answers?

She didn't even had an answer to this question. AAs she kept running through the lanes of Somnath she remembered him holding her pinky promise finger and dragging her to the store, the mirchi memory- of them crashing and her doing drama so that he'd be compelled to drop her to the godbharai function, and many more like that. As she came to the less hustling side, where there were no people around, the nature resided; and undoubtedly the trees,wind,birds could've understand her more than this people did, she chuckled on this thought as she realised she has came long way enough that no one could find her by now, she slowed down, her feet were tired, she herself was tired, she felt as if someone was trying to stop her from breathing.

She had to find a way, a definite solution to this, she thought to herself for how long would she stay like this? Undoubtedly he had been one of the most essential part of her life, and he is, and will remain till eternity but did he thought the same she thought to herself?

As she went near the hill cliff, she peeped down into the deep forest below the hill, she would've screamed after seeing the height but today, she did not her fears were eclipsed behind the pain she was today . 10months of her birth and her parents left her, 10years of hallucinating Dev as her so called 'Love Of Life' and he left her at the altar, 10weeks of marriage and Shiva had asked for divorce....what a parallel co-incidence her whole life has been, she thought.

Was she so easy to be hated, to be left alone,was she bad enough not good for anyone to stay with her...to hold her and provide her the warmth she had been longing for all her life? She thought to herself when sub-conciously her legs moved towards the edge of the cliff...she was unknown of the fact that one more step and she would fall, her life would end but then suddenly, a voice came....

"RAAVI !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

A pair of hands held her and moved her back, and she knew it was him, if at all he hadn't shouted, then also she would've recognised that it was him and no one else...she opened her eyes and looked up at him...and as she just managed to say with teary eyes and choked voice...

"SH...SHI..SHIVAA....TU AAGAYA?"

(he must've came hurriedly, he was panting and breathing heavily plus his eyes was clearly showing how worried he was for her...she thought to herself) "CHUP....TERA DIMAG SACH MEIN MUTTER JITNA HAI...TU THIK HAI?...TUJHE ABHI LAG JAATI TOH...MAINE...MAINE BOLA THA NA KABHI...KABHI CHODKE NAHI JAUNGA...PAN TERA UPPAR KA MALA SACH MEIN KHALI HAI EK BAAT EK BAAR MEIN...SAMAJ NAHI AATI...ABHI...ABHI TUJHE KUCH HOJATA TOH MAI...TOH MAI......."

"TOH TU...TOH TU KYA SHIVA....?(she had asked this so innocently but she wanted to know , she wanted to understand his feelings and him so that she can understand her own feelings and herself....)

"TUJHE KUCH HOJATA TOH...TOH MAI KESE...KESE....SORRY RAAVI MUJHE MAAF KARDE MAAN RAHA HU NA GALTI HOGAI...HOGAI TO HOGAI...PAN AB GHAR CHAL"(and he hugged her,she could feel his warmth, the genuineness and guilt in his voice and love in his eyes...)

Flashback

As he saw her running away, he instantly understood the pain underneath which she was going through but then he thought to himself that it was necessary to instigate her more and more...because she was a kind person who would never break any relations no matter what happened, so he had to forcefully make her do things, which apparently neither did he wanted nor did he meant. He also saw Gaumbi, Krish and Dev all running as Dhara told them to see to it that she doesn't do any wrong to herself.

Flashback ends

He felt helpless, alone and weak in his own home, around his own family. By now he was sure of his feelings but who would listen to his side of story, he thought...he was nothing in front of her and she deserved the world, of which he can be never part of even if he spent his whole life evolving for being her "Prince Charming" and he was neverthless going to be her first choice no matter it was then but now?

He did notice her trying to save their relationship but all he could take out of it was that she was apparently doing that all as a compromise and nothing else, but how could he allow her sacrificing her own life in something she cannot be even happy or proud about...he didn't even have anyone who could listen to him and afterall it was him, who had left studies for his brother's sake but no one had known this actual reason.

He had some secrets...the secrets which only he knew ..but she had triggered them and even had felt , fought for them when it came to her, he remembered how in the haveli when Rishita had made fun of him in his absence and how she washed all his clothes in one go, he had seen how much pain she felt when he had held that burning log of wood in his hands, she had tried to remove the particle of sand or cement from his eyes then while they were constructing the room, the way she covered her pallu on second day of their marriage so that the scorching sun would not slow him down from mending the bike and her removing his hand away when he tried to cover the lamp light directly falling into her eyes, stopping her from making eye contact with him and the gaze which was now he craved but abandoned it.

He was stubborn and he knew it, he knew he was wrong and though his whole family had turned their faces against him, he still chose to remain silent and not to tell anyone because for him, right now, Raavi and her getting back her freedom and happiness was more important; it had pricked him like a big thorn in his heart that he hadn't seen that gleam and shine in her eyes and that bright bubbly smile on her face after their marriage, his heart apparently loved her smile and he though wanting cannot deny that fact that atleast to himself...he did not want her to go, he never can...and things he had accused her for, even in drunk state he would not have believed or told to someone things like this...it was all out of frustration and rage and mixed emotions under which he was extremely suppressed since past few days which were so heavy to bear with, he couldn't even breath. After all, he liked her, he accepted that but for him her happiness were more important to him than his own feelings.