This isn't weird.

Distraction

 In a flash Ben was across the room, slamming the cup of water down onto the coffee table with a clattering splash. "What the fuck are you doing, Dustin?" he demanded, his volume turning the heads of several nearby partygoers. He grabbed Millie by the waist and pulled her to the end of the couch, as far away from Dustin as possible, and forced himself into the seat between the two of them.

"Um... shots?" an earnestly confused Dustin replied. "What is your deal, man?"

"My deal," Ben snarled, leaning toward him, "is that she has already had too much to drink and if you even think about trying to touch her—"

"Woah, woah, hold up!" Dustin raised his hands defensively. "Calm down, Ben. She just asked me to take a shot with her. It's Millie, for fuck's sake—she's my friend, I'm not gonna—I would never do that to her, or any chick too fucking drunk to know what she's doing. Come on, man, I'm not a monster! Take a breath, dude."

There was a long, silent pause as Ben's fury deflated into shame. "Fuck. Fuck, sorry, I just—I'm drunk. I fucked up, I'm the one who gave her too much to drink, and I promised I'd look out for her—"

"And she's trying like hell to hook up with you, but you know you can't and it's making you crazy?" Dustin interrupted.

"What? Why would you think—how do you—"

"This isn't like some kind of magical Invisibility Couch, dude. We can all see she's all over you. Not to mention—hey, Millie, tell him what you just said to me."

Millie's head popped up from behind Ben's shoulder and she leaned against his back, draping her arms around his neck. "I wanna make out with Ben, but he won't let me!" She kissed Ben's ear lightly. He flinched away, but it did nothing to deter her; she just moved her lips to his neck instead.

"Damn it, Millie, you are taking years off of my life right now," he groaned.

Dustin laughed. "Admit it, dude, you are loving this."

"What? No! I mean—" Ben shivered as he felt Millie push aside his shirt collar to gently suck on the spot where his neck met his shoulder. "Okay, fuck, that feels amazing—Millie, stop." He twisted around, grabbed her by the sides of her arms, and pried her off.

"All this manhandling!" Millie giggled. "I like it."

Still holding her at arm's length, Ben turned his head to give Dustin a pleading look. "I'm sorry I was a dick. Please don't leave me alone with her."

"I feel like an 'I told you so' is in order," Dustin said.

"She's just drunk," Ben argued.

"Yo Millie, do you still want to make out with Ben when you're sober?" Dustin asked loudly.

"Yuh-huh!" she called back.

Ben sighed. "That is incredibly unhelpful right now."

"Okay, okay. You just need a distraction." Reaching into his pocket, Dustin produced a pack of playing cards.. "Watch." He emptied the cards into his palm, then fanned them out face down and held them out. "Hey, Millie. Pick a card."

Intrigued, Millie reached over Ben and plucked out a card.

"Okay, don't show me," Dustin said, idly pushing the cards back together and splitting the deck in half. "Make sure you remember what it is. Now put it back in. Okay, now cut the deck."

Still hanging over Ben's neck, Millie did as she was told. Dustin shuffled the cards a bit, then pulled one out. He held up a four of diamonds. "Is this your card?"

Millie gasped, almost knocking Ben off the couch as she abruptly leaned over him to stare at the card. "How did you do that?"

"Magic," Dustin replied.

"Nuh. That was luck. Do it again."

He repeated the trick. "Ace of clubs?"

Millie was flabbergasted. "Let me see those!"

Ben did his best to lean out of her way as she scrambled over him and grabbed the cards. She studied them intensely for any evidence of markings. Stumped, she scowled and handed them back to Dustin. "Again."

Dustin obliged. For the better half of an hour, he indulged her repeated demands to show her the trick just one more time. With every iteration, Millie's astonishment doubled. Soon she was shrieking and clapping with delight, her face all aglow with childlike wonder, and Ben was beside himself with laughter. He gave into the temptation to take out his phone and spend a few minutes filming her. "Sorry, Millie," he whispered to his phone. "I know I promised you no cameras, but this is the cutest fucking thing I have ever seen."

Finally, the excitement began to tire her out, and she slumped back into her seat. "Okay, you win," she conceded. "It's magic. It has to be magic. You're magic. Ben, did you know that Dustin's magic?"

"The suspicion was always there," Ben replied. He looked at Dustin, mouthing a silent thank you.

Dustin gave him a thumbs up and grinned. "I think you've got it from here," he said, tucking the cards back into his pocket. "I'm gonna go have a smoke."

"Bye, Dustin!" Millie said cheerfully, and waved as he walked away. "Okay, I'm gonna throw up now." She stood up abruptly, but failing to achieve balance, she tumbled forward. Ben sprang up and caught her just in time to prevent her face from connecting with the coffee table.

"Woah, woah, get it together, Millie! You okay? I got you," he said. "Come on, sweetheart, come with me." She couldn't manage to stand on her own; he held her up and she stumbled alongside him as he led her down the hall. He was sure he looked like a creep leading her into his bedroom, but he had a private bath adjoined to it, where she wouldn't be bothered by other guests. "Almost there, just a little further..."

He gently lowered her to the floor in front of the toilet. At once, she grabbed onto it for dear life, and Ben held back her hair as she violently expelled a stomachful of excess alcohol into it. When she stopped, he offered her water, which she gulped down desperately before immediately throwing it back up again. It took three more rounds of this before she was finally finished. Pale and shaking, Millie sank to the floor and curled up into a fetal position.

"I am so, so fucking sorry, Millie," Ben said, rubbing her back. "This is all my fault."

"Nnnuh... s'okay..." Millie mumbled. "Alcohol poisoning... builds character..."

"Do you want to lay down in bed?" he offered.

"Nuhhhhh... cold tile keeping me alive..."

"Okay. We can stay here as long as you want. Hey, I know what will make you feel better." Ben took out his phone and set the volume to low before turning on some music and placing it on the ground nearby.

Closing her eyes, Millie smiled. "Yayyy... Simon... nnnh...Garfunkel..."

"Your favorite," Ben whispered, stroking her hair. This time, he sang along quietly to her.