This isn't weird.

Spinny Benny

Millie answered on the fourth ring. "Hi, Ben," she said, sounding surprised, but cheerful.

"Milliiiieeeeee!" he greeted her, a bit too loudly.

"Oh, wow. Like the enthusiasm. Are you okay?"

"Yeah! Yeah, I'm... uh. Good. I'm real good. Are you good?"

"Depends on the day. Sometimes I'm chaotic neutral. Are you drunk?"

"Whaaat? Nooo."

"Ben."

"...Maybe kinda."

"Where are you? Are you at home?" There was a hint of concern in her voice..

"No, I'm at... uh... outside... bar."

"The one Dustin likes?"

"Yuhh. He's dumb 'n I wan go home. But Uber thinks Imma robot."

"Are you a robot?"

"I... I dunno anymore."

"Ben, you silly robo-goose. Do you need a ride?" 

"...Maybe kinda."

"I'll come get you if you ask nicely."

He took a deep breath. "Milliiiiiieee, please, please, please, you perfect, wonderful, amazing, beautiful, brilliant, benevolent lizard illuminati queen, will you please, please, please come 'n get me, pretty please?"

"Wow, you asked very nicely."

"I can keep going, if you want."

"Very tempting. But I think I need to hurry there before you pass out on the street."

"Ohmmagod, Millie, you beautiful angel, you're amaaazing."

"Keep that energy. I'm on my way."

Ben was so excited to see her car pull up, he completely forgot how much pain his legs were in—until, of course, he jumped up, and they nearly fell right out from under him. His arms flailed wildly to maintain balance and a great deal of dignity was lost before he finally managed to right himself. Finally, Ben stumbled his way to her car, pulled open the door, and toppled into the passenger seat.

"Milliiiiieee!" he greeted her, scrambling over the center console to hug her. "You're amazing, you're so amazing, I love you so much!"

"Oh my god, Ben, you smell like my dad," she laughed, pushing him away. "How much did you drink?"

"You smell like a magical fairytale lemon orchard," he replied, and squeezed her one more time before finally sliding back into his seat and closing the door. "Wait, your dad? Thasso depressing."

"Wait, is that not what all dads smell like?" She raised an eyebrow at him.

"I can't tell if thassa joke."

"Is it funny?" she asked.

He paused to consider, then broke into a fit of drunken giggles. "...Yeah, s'pretty funny. You're pretty funny, Millie. Pretty, 'n funny."

"I've never met Drunk Ben before," Millie said with a smile. "He's quite the flatterer. I think I kind of like him so far."

"He likes you, too," Ben replied, grinning at her suggestively.

It didn't even occur to Millie that he might not be joking. "Well, don't tell my girlfriend that," she chuckled. "She's pissed that I left to come get you."

Ben's eyes widened and he sat up straight, suddenly regretting his clumsy attempt at flirtation. "Oh, god, you were with Genevieve tonight? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I shouldna called you!"