This isn't weird.

Bananas

 Ben looked down into his empty glass, then across the room to the bar. The sheer distance between here and there seemed insurmountable. He heaved a defeated sigh. "Can you order me another beer?" he asked. "I can't move my legs. I don't even know how I got here in the first place."

"Sure, but this round's on you," Dustin replied as he stood up.

"Deal." Ben waited at the table with his chin resting in his palm, a decidedly brooding posture, until Dustin returned from the bar, carrying a full pitcher.

"Alright, buddy," Dustin said as he settled back into his seat and refilled their glasses. "I'm gonna need you to back up, because I do not fucking understand what the deal is. So yesterday, you got up at like four AM to go on a long ass run that you absolutely did not want to go on?"

Ben took a sip. "Yes."

"With a chick that fucking hates you."

Another sip. "Yes."

"Why?"

A longer sip. "Why did I go? Or why does she hate me?"

"Both."

A much longer sip. "I went because Millie really wants us to be friends. It meant a lot to her." A faint smile briefly interrupted his sullen expression. "She made me pancakes."

"Wait, so—are you and Millie fucking?"

Ben's glower returned; his next sip was better described as a gulp. "No, Dustin."

"But you're trying to fuck her, right?"

"No! She's gay, for fuck's sake."

"But you want to fuck her."

"No! And stop fucking talking about her like that—"

"Right, no, I get it. What you want is to hold her hand and braid her hair and take her on romantic little picnics."

"Damn it, Dustin—"

"And then fuck her." 

"STOP talking about her like that!" Ben shouted, slamming his palms against the table so hard that Dustin's still-full beer sloshed over the edge over the glass.

"Woah, hey, I'm just messing with you! Sorry, man," Dustin said, casting an awkward glance around the room at the heads that were suddenly turned toward their table. "Okay, okay, okay. So tell me why this Tess chick has it in for you?"

Ben took a moment to calm down, swallowing down the last of his beer and pouring another before speaking. "I don't even fucking know. I've never done or said anything to her, she just decided from minute one that she's my fucking arch nemesis. She treats me like I'm her best buddy when Millie's in the room, but the second we're alone she turns vicious. She's the most manipulative person I've ever met. She sets these evil fucking traps and I keep walking right into them."

"Why don't you just tell Millie what she's doing?"

"Because that's exactly what she wants me to do. It's another trap. Tess would love to have the chance to tell her I'm the crazy one. They've been best friends for years. Why would Millie believe me over her?"

"Shit, I didn't think of that."

"And Millie is just so happy we're hanging out. She'd be crushed if she knew what was really happening. I just have to keep trying until I can win Tess over for real. Then Millie never has to know."

Shaking his head in disbelief, Dustin couldn't help but laugh. "Do you even hear yourself, bro?"

Ben frowned. "What?"