Hate & Love

Eighteen.

I cried all the way to Oklahoma. Gripping the steering wheel and cursing Jack and Madison's name.

He says he loves me but I refuse to say I love him. I refuse to let myself fall so easily and I refuse to let him control my life.

He can be happy with Madison and I won't stand in the way. I don't care about their relationship as much as it hurts me...I will try not to care.

"Hello?" I say touching my radio screen to answer the 7th call from Johnson in three hours.

"Just making sure you're okay." He says

"Well I am. And you need to sleep. I'm serious. I'll call you when I get to Montys  and I'll call you when we leave." I laugh.

"Okay. Okay. Fine. Be safe love you."

"Love you Jack." I say hanging up.

It's currently 6 in the morning an I left Nebraska at three I entered Kansas about 3:45 and about 4:30 I entered Oklahoma. I am stopped at a gas station getting food and gas as a girl walks up to me.

"Autumn?" She asks.

"Yeah?" I say looking through my blurry, tired, watery eyes.

"I'm Sierra I'm a huge fan." She smile but notices my gloomy face. "What's wrong?"

"Uh. Nothing it's fine." I say giving her a hug.

"Is it Madison? Cause she's been posting on twitter how she's going on tour with Jack and Jack and she even indirected you."

"Are you serious?" I laugh.

"Yeah. She said something like 'finally got her out of the way time to parttayy' or something like that. Everyone knew it was about you." She says reading from her phone.

"Where are you from?" I ask her

"I'm from Oklahoma." She smiles.

"Really." I smile.

"Seriously? Today is the best day ever. Can I have a picture. And are you going to be staying in Oklahoma for awhile? And are you not going to be touring with the boys?" She says out of breath,

"Yes you can have a picture. No I'm just picking up my friend and then I'm going back to my house in California . I decided it was best if I stayed away from Jack G for a while considering Madison...you know it's all just a rushed plan. I love the Jacks a lot especially Johnson he's like my older over protective brother, I left them back in Nebraska...but by now everyone knows about Gilinsky and I's relationship or whatever it was but Madison just gets jealous. Hopefully she knows she's just a booty call, Gilinsky is a hunk and the boy will always have my heart. He's a great guy and I just...I want him to realize what he lost. No matter what I'll always be his and he'll always be mine." I laugh.

I really hoped she would have recorded that.

"Let me just wipe this tear away." She says actually crying and hugging me.

"What's your social media. I'll follow you" I say.

She gives me all her social media and I decide I need to go.

"I better head out. I hope to see you soon and I'll be sure to stay in touch with you." I say.

"That sounds great." She says and hugs me tight "and Autumn stay strong please."

"I will." I smile as I walk away.

As I get in the car I decide to check my twitter.

I see Madison's tweet only because people replied with my twitter name.

Then I decide to tweet.

'@autumnreyes: Thanks for the shoutout baby. I loved it. But next time tag me kay? @madisonbeer'

I feel very accomplished and I turn my phone in silent mode cause shits about to happen.

I only have about another hour drive so I'm ready.

By 8 I should be at Monty's house.
-
It's now 7:30 and I'm tired as hell.

I'm in town and I get a notification that I actually notice.

It's from Mikey.

I decide to DM him on Instagram seeing that I don't have his number.

I just send 'hey'

And wait for his reply as I drive to the donut shop.

I have to refresh and scroll down a lot due to the fact I get a lot of direct messages most of hate but you know.

All he does is send his number.

Smart little guy.

I get my donuts and decide to go home and see my family.

I live 2 seconds away from the donut shop. I'm not even lying.

As I pull up I see my grandma had already left for work.

I decide to just walk in and notice that everyone is still asleep and well I decide to go to sleep.

Right before I do I send a text to Monty and tell her to pack her things.

...then I remember to check twitter and I type in Madison's name and see what she said.

'@MadisonBeer: @autumnreyes do you just assume everything is about you babe?"

Tf.

'@autumnreyes: It obviously was...unless it wasn't just my relationship you ruined. @madisonbeer'

Now we wait.

I'm actually really excited to see him although I'm not sure why because he's going to scream at me.

As I start my car and pull out of the rocky driveway I get a message from Johnson but I ignore it for now.

I can't stop thinking about Gilinsky and it hurts. I love being with him I love being his best friend. I hate being a side chick and I hate that I didn't notice sooner.

I look out the window and admire the town that I left behind. I do regret leaving without a word to anybody. But still I always said right after I graduated I was leaving...I just graduated a year earlier whoops.

✖️

H8 JG

This was more of a filler just cause I had writers block. Yeah. Toodles.