Hate & Love

thirty

"he's so fucked" Nate laughs

"Don't say that dude" I hear Sammy laugh

"Okay we should be quiet before she wakes up" I hear jack and feel him...

My head is in his lap and now I'm on a couch

I feel Jacks hand go through my hair and and he lays his arms over me

"Looks like you guys never broke up" Sammy comments

"One of my biggest regrets man" Jack says and he rubs my arm

"So where'd Shawn go?" Nate asks

"Well he saw us like this about thirty minutes ago and said he'd come back later, im guessing he's in the lobby upstairs" jack answered

"Shut up" I say scaring all the boys

And turn toward Jacks stomach and stick a hand in his hoodie pouch

"Sleeping beauty is awake" they all clap at Nate's dumb remark

"You hungry?" Jack whispers in my ear

"No but I am confused as to why I'm on this couch when I was in between those two earlier" I say and roll back over rubbing my eyes "actually yeah I'm hungry" I say and laugh

"Okay let's go grab and bite and check on Johnson and I guess Shawn" he smiles

Shawn.

"Is he up there" I ask

"I think, I don't know" Jack says shrugging

"We'll be back later" Jack says to the boys

I go to Sammy and kiss his forehead and do the same to Nate

"See y'all later" I say and smile walking out with Jack

"How you feeling today" he asks

"Uh I don't know, I don't really wanna see Shawn though" I say

"It's okay, just go check on Jack and I'll see if Shawn needs anything" Jack says rubbing my back

I just nod and he throws his arm around me and I feel so comfortable, like too comfortable and Jack and I getting back together seems so right but it's not.

"Maybe we shouldn't act like we're together" I say and he just stops

"Autumn I'm not trying to act like that- I just- this is the only way I know how to act around you and I love you and I want to be with you" He says looking upset

"I just- I don't know Jack all of this feels right and I love you and I always will but I cannot do this again not at this moment I just want to be alone and on my own for a few months you make me feel better you do and God I want to be with you, but I also can't help that regardless of what Shawn just did to me I love him too, he was there for me when you weren't and I - I don't fucking know" I say and just fall against the wall

"Autumn, it's okay- it's okay I just want you to be okay and if you need to do that by yourself for a few months then fine- but I will always be here." He says and picks me up off of the floor

We get in the elevator and he just hugs me, I feel so drained.

The elevator dings and opens to reveal a pale looking Shawn

"Autumn" he hops up from the chair and I just stand there looking at him disgusted

"What."

"Can we talk please" he says begging

"What could you possibly have to say" I laugh

"Autumn please, you know I love you. You know I'm sorry"