It's Complicated

All The Small Things

Harry woke up at 5:14, I made him eggs and told him we need to have a serious conversation tonight. He looked scared but hesitantly agreed.

He left work before me so when he was gone I instantly got sick again. Not a good morning.

I drove to work crying that day, hoping to wake up from this bad dream but I never did.

I love baby's, I really do, but I cannot be a mom just yet and the baby would have such a bad life with Harry and I being the parents and I couldn't do that to it.

If I was in a cartoon a rain cloud would be over my head all day. I didn't even greet anyone who came in, Im not a doorwoman, why should I?

Lunchtime came around and I decided to go up and ask Penelope for advice. Then I found out that she wasn't in today because she was sick.

I didn't want to ask JJ for advice because Im not that close with her and she grew up in a small traditional town so she's probably against abortion. I don't know maybe I'm just overthinking it.

Derek would only tell me to go talk to Harry about it and tell me to do what I think is right so there's no point asking him for advice.

Spencer is probably my closest friend in the office but I don't think I should talk to him about it because what if he thinks I'm a monster. What if he thinks I'm a whore. That is a risk I'm not going to take.

I walked into the lunch room and Spencer was there.

"Hey" i quietly said sitting down.

"Are you pregnant?" He asked and instantly put his hand over his mouth in shock. My eyes widened and I started coughing form chocking on my water from shock.

"I-.. sorry I shouldn't have said that"

"I'm not pregnant. What made you think that? Did I gain weight?" I played it dumb.

He shook his head and then the guilty silence kicked in. I looked down at my stomach and instantly began crying, just thinking that their is a child in there is too much.

Spencer rushed over to me and hugged me instantly.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything" he mumbled pushing the hair away from my face and whipping the tears away.

"I think Harry wants to be a dad and I don't know what to do because I.. I think I want to get a abortion" I quietly rushed, looking him in the eyes one last time before he calls me a monster.

"That's perfectly fine"

"It is?"

"It is."

"Yeah, it is" I agreed trying to stop crying and taking deep breaths.

"Spencer?" He hummed in reply, still whipping the tears away while I looked at his pretty brown eyes.

"I don't think I want to have a kid with Harry..ever"

"You definitely need to tell him that, Aoife" I nodded, still maintaining eye contact.

"I know. I just don't know how"

"Spencer?" He hummed in reply "will you take me to the abortion clinic when I'm ready?"

Spencer removed his hands from my face and looked down for a second before looking back up to me.

"Yeah, of course."

Spencer was called in for a briefing so I cleaned myself up in the bathroom and continued doing my job.

I tapped my hands on the hazel steering wheel of my car, singing along to one of my favorite CDs.

"Late night, come home
Work sucks, I know
She left me roses by the stairs
Surprises let me know she cares
Say it ain't so, I will not go
Turn the lights off, carry me home
Na-na, na-na, na-na, na-na, na, na
Na-na, na-na, na-na, na-na, na, na"

When I got home, Harry wasn't there so I had time to prep myself for the conversation.

He opened the front door at 7:49 on the dot and I rushed in to greet him from the kitchen.

"How was work?"

"Grand. Didn't get any new clients" he said gloomily, he's already in a bad mood.

Normally I would get the hint and keep to myself but if I don't tell him now then I never will.

"Harry, I'm pregnant. But-"

"That's great ! Oh my god, I'm going to be a dad. This is amazing! You can quit your job and we-oh my god! " He ran up to me and hugged me and kissed all over my face like a happy dog while I stood there with a smile on enjoying him being happy. The smile soon turned upside down when i realized what I have to tell him next.

"You didn't let me finish"

"Sorry, continue"

"I..I...uh"I stuttered trying to delay time while the tears started pouring down again.

"I'm going to abort it. I'm sorry, I cant do this" I let out.

"It's normal to be scared, baby" he told me rubbing my arm.

"No, I don't want to have a baby."

"Don't worry you will be great"

"No. I really don't want one. I think I'm going to abort it"

I looked up to where he was in-front of me, his eyes turned to look the same as my dads. I wanted to run away but I just stood there, looking at him as he tried to compose his feelings.

"It's just as much my baby as it is yours." He squeezed my arm tight now, so tight that I think my blood circulation is going.

"It's my decision. Please, let me make these choice"

"You are not killing my baby."

"I cant give birth to it" I tried to reason, placing my hand over his that was squeezing my arm.

"You want to kill a child! Cmon Aoife, you know that's not right!"

"Please, please, let me do this"

"If you do this, you will be a murder like your dad!"

"That's not the same! Look, I'm sorry but I don't think I will ever be able to have a child with you"

With that, he slapped my face causing me to let out a high pitched scream and put my hand over it instantly.

"You just hit me"

"No, I didn't" he said shaking his head.

"Yes, you did" I nodded with my hand over the area he marked.

"No. Who cares. Whatever. So what, everyone hits each-other. It's normal." He convinced himself, trying to convince me.

"It's not, Harry. You need help."

"Help?!"

He slapped me again, this time harder.

"Harry!"

"You need help! Trying to kill my child! What's wrong with you?!"

"Why do you even want the child so bad!"

"I cant be with you" he said stepping away from me and I hummed in response.

"I'm still getting the abortion. It's my body,Harry"

"Pack your things up"

"No, I'll sleep in the spare room."

"'No, I cant live with a murder"

"Fine, then you leave"

"Fine, good luck paying the rent"