Two Of A Kind

thirty four

Tessa's POV

Trigger Warning !! Self Harm, read at your own risk. <3

Me and Miyah have been staying with Bri ever since our break up, 6 days ago. I've cried myself to sleep, stopped eating for hours, haven't taken a shower, and haven't left the room. It's been a never ending cycle since. And now, Bri looks after Miyah because I simply don't have the strength to.

"I just talked to Georgia and I took her phone, the timeline matches." She said softly beside me. I didn't reply nor did I nod, I didn't have the energy to. "The only way I know is because he only got that chest tattoo last week, and it's Thursday," She furthered, and it was crystal clear to me. 

I know he cheated, there was no way around it. He broke my heart like I was nothing to him, and I probably wasn't for all I know. Maybe just some other game to him.
I wasn't even this hurt when I broke up with Mason, maybe because it didn't involve the love of my life nor cheating.

"And, it wasn't photoshop, it's the original video," Her voice went quieter. I knew she hated to see me like this, but my pain was too much to handle.
"There's too much movement going on, and the video she showed you was as clear and smooth as day," She wrapped an arm around me and pulled me in.

I've cried for hours on end, I couldn't see it but I knew my eyes were bloodshot red, and puffy. It hurt to keep them open for God's sake.
I didn't know how much I needed Bri's embrace, but I immediately melted into her, sobbing into her chest.
"Was I that bad that he had to cheat on me?" I whispered, my sobs breaking the silence with ease. She rubbed my back up and down, soothingly. 
"Baby you are the best it gets, if he can't see that then fuck him, you can and will do better," She tried to assure me, but it just didn't work.

I must've been that horrible for him to seek his pleasures elsewhere, but I never thought of him as the cheating type, ever.
He's called me multiple times over the days, but I'm not letting him back into my life. I deserve better and I know that, but it doesn't mean I don't miss him.

I don't need to hear him out. What would his excuse be? "I slipped and fell into her vagina, forgive me amore," And I'd probably believe him too, I love him that much.

He was my everything for a long time. My main source of happiness, but this is where love gets me.
The video has been replaying in my mind, Bri got the video from Georgia to fully assess it, and see if it's fake in any way, but it's not. It's as real as it gets. And I can't get it out of my damn head.

"Miyah wants to come see you, is that okay or not yet?" Bri softly speaks up. I wanted to refuse but it's been days since I saw her last, Bri only comes in because she doesn't need my approval to.
I nod my head slightly and Bri kisses my cheek, before lifting from the bed and heading out of the door.

My mind, soul, and body is hurting so fucking much. Why didn't anyone warn me? All 'bad boys' are the exact fucking same.

"Hey Tessy," Miyahs little voice whispers. Her eyes slightly widen and I know it's because of the state I'm in.
In the same clothes she last saw me in 4 days ago, my hair all tangled and scattered everywhere, and my bloodshot eyes.
"Hey baby," I acknowledge, but my voice croaks. I'm so thirty, hungry, and fucking depressed.

Without saying another word, she climbed onto my bed and sat beside me, pulling me into a hug.
"I really miss Leo, why did he do this to us?" She questions softly, almost as if she's going to cry too.
"I don't know baby, I guess we weren't enough for him," I explained, a fresh set of tears rolling down my face. My eyes are burning from the pain, I've cried that many times.

"Will he ever come back Tessy?" I notice a tear streaming down her cheek. God Leo, why did you break our hearts?
"No baby, he's never coming back," I pull her in closer and kiss her forehead. No matter how much I miss and crave and want him, I refuse to let him waltz back into my life like he did nothing wrong. 

We sat together and cuddled for what felt like forever. Besides Leo, Miyah was the only one who meant the absolute fucking world to me, and more.
"I think you should shower, you're a bit smelly," Miyah pinches her nose together and waves her other arm up and down. I would've chuckled if I wasn't in this position right now, so I smiled.
"Wait in Bri's room for me, I'll jump in the shower quickly," I explain, slowly inching myself out of bed.

I've stayed in that very bed for the whole 6 days, other then going bathroom. My muscles hurts from the inactivity i've put myself in.
Finally on my two feet, I grab the towel hanging behind the door and walk out of the room, down the hallway, and into the bathroom.
"Here we go Tessa, you can do this," I convince myself while stripping out of my clothes. 

I should've stretched.

Once I'm out of my clothes, I turn on the shower and walk in, letting the warm water splash down my back.
It feels so good.
I sat down on the shower floor, letting the water reach every part of my body. Pulling my knees into my chest, I took this time to properly breathe and re-evaluate my life.

I don't need Leo. He's a cheating prick. I will not forgive Leo. Although he is the love of my life, I refuse to let him back in.
The love of my life.
Fuck you Leo. Fuck you for breaking me. I loved you, I probably still do, and I'll never stop.
You were everything good in this world.

I notice a pack of razor blades sitting on by the sink, and something was calling me towards them. I stood up slowly, opening the shower door and grabbing a blade. 
He never loved me. No one ever will.
Headed back to the shower, I sat down and stared at the blade.
No one will ever love me.
Before I knew it, I sliced the blade in multiple places across my forearm, the water stinging and adding onto my pain. The thoughts of Leo only making me sob.

But I like it. I like the pain. I deserve to cry, I deserve to hurt.
Blood was seeping out of my forearms, and only then did I realise the amount of cuts I placed. My sobs were fighting the sound of the water, I couldn't tell which was louder.
He used me, then dumped me, because I'm worthless. I was just another game to him.
I winced at the pain of the water stinging my cuts. 

Little black dots blurred my vision, very slowly. I looked down to see the water turning red. And suddenly,
everything went black.

Knocking on the door
"Tessa honey, are you okay?"
"Brielle Pearl Harper! Get over here and bust the door down right now!"
"She's not replying, I think she did something!"
Footsteps growing louder, banging on the door.
"Tess! Babe open the door!"
"I'm not fucking playing with you Tessa, open it right fucking now!"
More banging on the door, then a slam.
"Oh my God!"
"Tessa!"
Sobbing.

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Very wild chapter, i'm sorry yall.
I love you all <3

- Your bestie xo