entry no. 8
couldn't die just yet
yesterday, my sister came to manila for some reason. the time i spent w her was so limited but i truly enjoyed it. i taught her how to make that one merienda dish i just learned, we strolled at night as we talked about stupid things, i helped her in her research paper, we speedrun all the rants we wanted to talk to in face to face, i even secretly hugged her when we slept-oh my gosh my orbs are sweating wjabsbaja whyyy!!
well, im gonna miss her. it's been a month since we last interacted physically. each day, whether im feeling well or unwell, i always used to whispher how i wanted to die. someone already tipped me about the easiest way of kms and it's funny to the point that i stored it in my memory just in case. HOWEVER, now that i saw her presence again, now that i felt her still living despite the bullshits happening in ourlives-i was reminded that i couldn't die just yet.
i used to joke around about me dying whenever we were ranting about our family or just life, but she often says: "bawal mamatay, baliw." then it came to my mind: who would be there to help her cook the newly learned dish? who would be willing to join her stroll the streets at night while talking about stupid things? who would be patient enough to help her understand even the most simple thing in her acads? who would even bully her at most times but eneded up secretly hugging her when she's asleep? who would be there to talk to her when she needs someone to lean on? who would do all this if i was already inside the coffin, breathless? she needs me and i will live for her. i am living for her.
lol, guess what? i never knew how love can be expressed until i have written this entry. and,, i cried while writing this one haha, weak. but i was pretty clever cause no one found out i did even when im writing at the dinning table. xD
p.s she just left. we only spent 15 hours doing all the mentioned things above. haaay. gon miss that stoopid. i want to die. chour bawal pa pala. til next time! :>
yours,
mikha
