Connor stepped into the tent, his eyes adjusting to the dim light. Despite Markus's speech, the faces were downcast. Connor scanned the faces, finding North in the back. She sat alone, staring into the dirt. Her face showed signs of tears.
RECONCILE WITH NORTH
"North?" Connor approached slowly, unsure how she would respond.
She looked up at him, hatred flashing across her face. Immediately, all signs of her pain were hidden behind mistrust. Connor paused, but sat next to her on the floor of the tent.
"I know this is hard for you." Connor started. "I know you have... Reservations about me."
"Markus says you were deviant long before you left CyberLife." North said. "You're just as bad as the humans."
"I know." Connor admitted.
He had spent the past week rehashing things he had done, and what he wished he could change. Luther told him to look to the future rather than the past. Connor couldn't.
"I'm not expecting forgiveness." He added.
"Then why join us?"
Connor paused. "I might never be liked by the androids... But I still want to be free."
He could remember the androids he worked with in CyberLife talking about what they would do if they could leave. He remembered wondering, long into the nights, what he would want if he had been free enough to want something. Now he was, and his want was so basic. Life and happiness. Freedom.
He felt wrong saying it out loud. He didn't deserve it. North's expression showed she agreed. He couldn't help himself. Death scared him. Being sent back to CyberLife scared him more.
"I know it's selfish. I should be doing this to rectify some of the wrong I've done... But when I worked with Hank, it felt like I didn't need to succeed every time. For the first time in my life someone didn't care if I failed."
Connor shook his head. Him and Hank's argument in the car replaying in Connor's mind. Hank had argued for androids, trying to convince Connor he had a right to be free. It was profoundly different from when Connor had first met him.
"You should have stayed with the humans." She said, hatefully. "Rather than getting yourself involved in our battle."
"Maybe." Connor conceded. He wrapped his arms loosely around his legs. "Maybe I was too irrational, too... Desperate for Markus's acceptance. Now, I've not only put you in a bad spot, but I've ruined the careers of some good men."
Connor felt the guilt wash over him. Why had he assumed he would be able to do something good for once? Why had he allowed himself to hope he could be like everyone else? After everything he had done, he should have known better than to believe he could be happy some day.
"I'm sorry." He whispered, hugging his knees tighter. He knew it wasn't enough, but what else was there to say? He could never make up for the damage he had caused. Everything he was doing here was useless. The androids could never forgive him. He would never be like them.
North didn't respond. She watched him as he composed himself and stood, dusting himself off. She wore a guarded expression. Connor had nothing else to say. He just wanted to be alone.
"Thank you for listening." Connor tried to smile, but it felt forced. He felt awkward, having reacted so emotionally during the conversation, and left without giving her a chance to speak.
He stepped into the cold winter air. It was snowing lightly, much like his first experience with snow at the CyberLife docks. He looked into the sky, remembering the awe he had felt that first time. Connor hadn't felt that way in a long time. The thought darkened his mood further.
