Don't Love Me

Oneshot~

I can't see. My eyes are blinded by the tears that are slowly making their way down my cheeks. What had I done? I ran my hand along my vibrating pocket and took out my phone. I stared at her beautiful face until the phone stopped ringing. She deserved so much better than me. I did the right thing by letting her go. My love, my life. Someone else would wipe away the tears that I had caused; and remove all the pain. She didn't need me.

Why did i leave her? My hands are trembling. I want her. I need her. I must have her back. Why did I ever let her go? I want her like crazy. I remembered that she loved it when I played her a song. How did I first meet her? It was at a mini concert...I played the guitar. That was when I first spotted her. She was dancing with her friends, but I could only see her. My heart started beating faster, and I could almost hear the pounding in my head. She was mine. I could feel it in my bones. I just had to have her. After the concert, I caught up to her before she left. Mmm, I can still remember the taste of her strawberry lipgloss. She almost slapped me that day, but I knew that I would soon win her over. I found out her address and stood under her window at night. I didn't throw stones like they usually do in movies, but I played her my songs. I now see that she accepted me because I was too persistent. She loved me. I can still remember the first time she kissed me. It was pouring with rain and both of us were soaked. She looked so sexy with her white top clinging to her skin. I ran my hands over her arms, as I embraced her. I touched my lips to hers, tentatively at first, wondering if she would allow me. Her response was magnificent. Her tongue touched mine, and that was when I lost control of myself. I moulded her firmly to my body as I kissed her hard. When she pulled away, we were both panting, oblivious to the pouring rain. She was so beautiful, I knew I couldn't keep my eyes or hands off her.

It got worse soon after that. I think I loved her too much. She told me that she felt suffocated, and it hurt. It was as if she had stabbed me through the heart. She told me that she wanted to leave me. I couldn't control my anger. I knew that I had to end it. I told her not to love me. I was throwing her away from me. She should never love anyone else. I walked away from the best thing that had ever happened to me.

No. I won't let this happen anymore. I have to see her one last time. I can't live without her anymore. I've tried to forget her, but I just couldn't. I just have to see her.

There she is, wearing a pearlescent sky blue dress. She looks gorgeous. She saw me and called out to me saying 'Jonghyun-ah, are you all right?' I think she can see my scars, the emotional ones. I can't take this anymore. I can see that she still loves me. I gave her pain. A lot of it. But now I want to die.

I moved away from her, as quickly as I could. I just couldn't let her see this. I had to walk away from her before I could hurt her any more. I could see the pain in her eyes as she watched me walk away. 'Jonghyun-ah, I love you', she said.

With great difficulty, I turned around to face her, and said the hardest thing I would ever have to say. 'Don't love me. I threw you away'.