𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝 | 𝐆𝐢𝐲𝐮𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐨

Chapter 23 | Playing with one's Heart

His breathing grew heavy, he hadn't expected to walk by and see her in such a state. Wiping the blood off her face with his two thumbs, Giyu stood, panting over Shinobu's head. Shinobu sat frozen, she had a faint smile on her face but it was a smile full of regret and shame. 

"I thought everyone was off preparing for the trip to Muzan Kibutsuji's castle," she said in what came out as a whisper. Her voice was emotionless and her eyes stared into one spot, barely moving as she felt the soft strokes of Giyu's thumbs across her face.

"None of that matters, Shinobu, why is there blood on your face?" He sternly said, "and on your hands too."

"It's nothing," she smiled that uncanny smile once again, tilting her head to one side.

Giyu picked up her left hand, this time, a little more aggressively. He hadn't seen her talk or smile like that in months and finally seeing it now, it worried him. 

"Shinobu!" He yelled this time, squeezing her hand, "snap out of this stupid daze and answer me!"

"...talk to me, please, Shinobu."

She let out a burst of slightly maniacal laughter, "what?"

"The battle against Muzan Kibutsuji is tomorrow and look at the state you're in, what happened?"

The butterfly clip fell out of her loose hair, finally falling out and letting her long locks of hair cover her face. All that was left for Giyu to see on her face was her weak smile. 

Rain started pouring from the grey clouds.

"Tomorrow, hm?" she said, "Is that so?"

"You aren't making any sense!" Giyu finally snapped, he was so confused, not to mention worried, there were almost a million bad circumstances that could happen, "why are you bleeding, and why are you not prepared at all?"

"Your face is getting paler and paler every time I see you, your fingertips are ice cold and covered in blood, same with your face. You keep zoning out at strange times, losing balance almost every day and forgetting things so often, what's going on?"

"tell me...I'm worried," he pleaded with her.

He reached out to hold her in his arms, hoping for any last hope of making her speak. As his arms held her head, Shinobu closed her eyes and took a deep breath, taking in his sweet smell and gentle hold one last time before shaking him off her.

She scoffed, "I'm not going with you tomorrow."

"What?"

"Right now, my body holds a large amount of wisteria poison, it's in my blood, in my veins, even in the very tips of my fingers. I have been taking it for almost two years now. The wisteria in my blood acts as a very strong poison towards demons, meaning if I were to get absorbed or eaten by a demon, the demon would also die."

"I plan on slaying another demon tomorrow, I also have no intentions of coming back alive, even if I do, the poison will end up killing me either way."

Giyu's eyes grew wide open, he was in such a state of denial that his breathing was unsteady and his eyes were boiling up. Did he hear right? No matter what he tried the words wouldn't leave his mouth, was there really no other choice, was she going to die anyway no matter what he did?

"No," he muttered.

"You can't help it."

"I don't have to, I've made up my mind, I'm going with you tomorrow, then we can return earlier and join up to help the rest of us. You don't have to go alone, you don't have to-" He cut himself off, he couldn't bear the thought of just saying the word.

Raindrops soaked her hair and clothes as she sat on the patio, another raindrop rolling down her face, "you can't."

"You can't, Giyu. The master and I have planned this out already, they need your help in defeating Muzan Kibutsuji."

She gritted her teeth and clenched her fist before speaking again, "don't interfere with the master's plans."

Giyu's mouth grew wide open at this statement, from both shock and hurt.

More water fell down both their cheeks, it was hard to decipher whether it was the rain or teardrops.

"Is this what you and the master talked about that night?" He asked, dropping his volume and dignity.

A nod was all she responded with.

"Even so," he continued, biting his lower lip in aggression, "even so, I can't just let you go alone, Shinobu please, let me go with you, you know how much I care for you, you know I can't just leave you on a suicide charge, you know how much I love you."

She gasped, the words hit her harder than they had ever before. I knew this might've happened though.

Before she knew it, Giyu had pulled her in for a kiss, one last kiss for one last hope. His eyes were closed and he was putting his whole heart into this one kiss. But as soon as his steamy lips touched hers, she pushed him away. 

"Stop." She sighed, "You can't come with me, you can't save me, it's too late, I already told you once, I will die one way or another. At this point, you're just wasting your life and the life of people who are counting on you in choosing to come with me."

The kiss from earlier was unexpected, of all the times she stayed up late thinking about every outcome that could happen when she told giyu about her plan, she had never expected him to kiss her. And to be completely honest, the kiss did soften her a bit, she was now questioning her decision.

"But Shinobu, I-"

She cut him off, "Giyu, I don't love you!"

As the cruel words left her tongue, she immediately regretted it. Of course, it wasn't true but she said it with so much hatred and anger that anyone including herself and Giyu would've believed it. She eagerly waited for a rebuttal from the man sitting next to her but it never came. Maybe if he had said something, she would've finally given in.

But the words had already reached Giyu Tomioka. He was stunned. One single tear rolled down his cheek before he stood up. 

I won't force her to love me, if all this time it was completely one-sided, it would be unfair for her to suffer any longer for my happiness, so I won't make her love me, I won't force her to be with me.

"I see, good luck in your battle tomorrow then, Kocho." He murmured before walking out of her garden.

Shinobu's fingers twitched, she was arguing with herself whether to follow him or not, but in the end, she knew she had hurt him badly, she knew it was her fault. Only when he had left, did she want him back, only when he gave up did she want him to keep persisting, is that what being selfish really was?

The thought of herself really made her sick, making him believe she was just playing with his heart, what a sickening person she was.

"I'm so sorry."