Things Are Not What They Seem

Part 3: Pleasure

Sleep came over me after I put down the note Nico wrote to me.

After I believe a few hours I woke up, and the sun was setting and Nico came in minutes after I woke up from my long and peaceful sleep.

"Will! Will! You gotta see this!"
"Huh?"

I rubbed my eyes, and got up and went out not caring that I was in light blue boxers, but I noticed Nico was blushing slightly and smirked. He's so dumb. Couldn't I just take a moment to put on my pants? I sighed. He's cute when he's excited though....

He dragged me all the way out the beach, and we sat there and gazed out at the beautiful sunset before us. It seemed unrealistic, like it was fantasy or a dream and I would wake at any moment. I hadn't been this happy in a long time, it had probably been months. I gazed lazily out at this sight, and let out a small puff of air. It was warm out, and the wind tickled my scars.

Wait.

OH GODS I FORGOT

I quickly rushed back to his cabin and curled up in his blankets and felt like I was being suffocated. Someone could have seen. Someone. Anyone. I was terrified. Nico came after me, I barely noticed until he came in panting.

"Will? What's wrong?"
"I-I-It's nothing! I just felt cold is all!"
"You liar."

Dammit.

"I'm not lying!"
"Then look me in the eye dammit!"

I came out my hole, looked up at him and couldn't look him in eye. I'm such a terrible liar.

"I'm not lying!"
"Will. You can tell me anything. I'll listen."

Stupid me. I believed him. I hate that my heart and mind were telling me to trust him. I sighed, and looked him in the eye.

"Fine. I didn't want anyone to see my scars. Only you and my therapist know about it. Boxers can only hide so much Nico."

He hit himself.

"DAMMIT SOLACE WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING?!"
"I FORGOT!"

Nico sighed.

"Are you mad at me Nico?"

He sure seemed like it.

"No...I'm mad at myself for making you do something like that. I should've realized. I'm the stupid one here."

I was not ready for that.

"No I'm the stupid one! I forgot!"
"You are not stupid Will. You are friggin doctor for gods sake."
"You are way smarter than me! You're you! I'm just my stupid, depressed self."
"But that's what makes you, you. It's important to remember your beauty. You are not stupid Will."

I was getting kinda embarrassed at this point, so I went back into my blankets, and realized how much homo that was. I could tell he realized that too, because he whispered something that I could barely heard...

"That was really gay wasn't it. Shit."

I smiled for the first time in a really long time underneath my blankets, and got up and hugged him. I murmured into his ear.

"I heard that, and it made me smile. Thank you. Also, could we.....cuddle? I'm craving some sort of human contact. Ignore how creepy that sounds."
"Sure. Sounds fun. Homo intended."

I giggled. He's saving me, slowly. I also have began realizing how cute he is, and his little smirk when I try and fail at flirting with him under the blankets as we hold hands. I enjoy just being with him, even in the dark, the moonlight seeps through the covers, and I can see his beautiful face.

I haven't felt this happy in a long time, and I savior it. When he finally falls asleep, the feeling of holding his hand still lingering, it's like the feeling of a kiss, and when you pull away you want more, and the taste of their lips makes you crave more.

I looked at his sleepy little face, chubby cheeks, cute smile, hobbit hair, and felt happy being close to this wonderful being.

Wait...why is he letting me near him? He's so amazing and I'm just a guy. Actually I'm worse. I'm depressed and covered in scars and labeled by my mistakes. How could I be so dumb tonight? I was caught up in the moment and didn't realize he's probably just pitying me.

I got the urge to cut.

Dammit. It was about 1am at this point, and I crawled over Nico, and went to the bathroom. I got my blade. It was still covered in blood from the last time. I sighed, and since I was too lazy to wash it, that would make noise.

I slit my thighs.

Pleasure.

I slit my arms.

Pleasure.

I slit my stomach.

Pleasure.

I got up, and my vision clouded, and I felt dizzy.

Oh no. I cut too deep. Shit shit shit. I can't go to the hospital. People will know. They will know, judge, and hate me.

I tried so hard to hold on to consciousness, but I faded, and fell, and passed out on the floor, with tears and blood surrounding my unconsciousness inwardly dead body.

(I'm so sorry for how terrible this turned! Pls forgive)