Things Are Not What They Seem

Part 11: Staring up

(This part, will probably be my favorite part.)

After getting more food at the McDonalds, we didn't leave, we just went outside.

As the day went on the place got more crowded, and then it thinned out until it was just us and some old guy that enjoyed hearing his own voice.

It was cooler out, and I was glad I had brought my jacket so nobody would see my scars. My ugly ugly terrible terrible scars.

They make up the worst parts of me, and some are more recent than others.

I haven't stopped, no.

I never did, and most likely never will.

But I smiled and sat in the parking lot, and I took off my socks and shoes and set them aside. It was comfortable, and I got little bits and pieces of gravel on my feet and I brushed them off but they eventually came back.

We sat, and listened.

Listened to the car that would pass by every 20 minutes, since the roads were so bare.

Listened to each other's breathing and the chatter from the inside of the McDonalds 15 feet away.

We listened to nothing, and we listened to everything.

"It's so nice out, you know that?"
"Well yeah if it wasn't so damn cold."
"Here, you can have my jacket."
"But what about your scars-"
"Shhhh just take the jacket"

I gave my jacket to him, and watched him smile brighter. He seemed cuter in my jacket, certainly now he was completely a little ball of fluff.

His hands were not visible in my jacket, because it was too big and it was so adorable to me, but he was annoyed with it.

He checked my pockets for some reason, and found nothing. I was wondering why he did that, but I knew internally why.

I smiled at him, and he grinned back.

We sat there, and I eventually laid on the gravel in the parking lot, and saw the little things.

Like the butts of cigarettes, and broken bits of glass from beer bottles.

Along with lost toys, and stupid books that come with the kids meal.

There were many things, lots of trash and forgotten memories.

Deep stuff.

I sighed, and looked over at him. It was getting late, and the voice from inside the McDonalds had stopped. He most likely had fallen asleep, it was about midnight. We'd been there the whole day.

He smiled at me, and I smiled too.

His smile was very cute, and I just wanted to hold him close to my heart. He was just that beautiful.

He stared up at the stars, the millions of them that were visible. There was no noises to block out, nothing to distract us, from what really mattered.

"We're made up of stars, did you know that? Our bodies are the most beautiful things, we are made up of stardust. It's wonderful to me."
"That's cool."

He stood up and grabbed my hands, and pulled me upwards.

"Whoa!"

I almost tripped. But he laughed it off. He looked me in the eyes, and I could see that he had the stars in his.

Brown, kind of the color of chocolate, but also mud. I'm so romantic right? But the the stars reflected in his eyes, those beautiful beautiful stars. Shimmering, twinkling, bright stars. They were in his eyes.

I wanted to kiss him, I wanted to hold him under the stars and dance the night away in the street. But I sat, in silence. I didn't even know if he was gay, I got my hopes up for something that would probably never happen in my lifetime, me, getting a lover.

That sounds impossible.

He saw me staring at him, and he blushed. He looked away, and went on the street.

I followed him. He got out his iPod and started to dance to the music that he was playing loudly, not caring about anything but the music.

Whoa, where did the party go?
We're ending it on the phone
I'm not gonna go home alone
Whoa, where did the party go?

He sang along, and started to dance in the empty street. He looked so free and alive, so I joined him.

I know I expect too much
And not enough all at once
You know I only wanted fun and you got me all fucked up on love
Oh I hoped for your name on the Ouija Board
And your naked magic, oh dear lord
You and me are the difference between real love and the love on TV, love on TV

He grinned, as I started to dance along with him, and he grabbed my hands. His hands were cold and soft. But very strong. He held my hands tightly, as if he was afraid I was gonna let go.

We were the kids who screamed
"We weren't the same" in sweaty rooms
Now we're doomed to organizing walk-in closets like tombs
Silent films stars stuck in talking cinema life
So let's fade away together one dream at a time

He stopped dancing, and stopped the song all of a sudden, out of breath, but grinning from ear to ear. I'd never seen such happiness. After all he's been through, his smile is brighter than all the stars combined.

How is he so strong? I wonder. But I knew that I wanted to kiss him so badly, but I was too out of breath to act on it, so I just embraced him in my broken arms.

I felt him heat up, but hug back kindly. Like he thought I was precious, like a china doll, that needed love and care to keep from breaking.

He was right.

I saw everything about him once we stopped hugging, our breathing loud, and there in the cold night. I could see the puffs, weirdly enough because it was burning up in the morning.

I laid on the road, and he joined me, sitting on my left side. I rolled over to look at him, while he was gazing at the stars.

"They're so beautiful."
"Yeah."

He looked over at me and blushed again, his face was already tinted red slightly from the cold, now it was redder. It was adorable. He noticed that I was cold too, and he looked very guilty and like he was gonna give me my jacket back. I sighed and gave him the "don't you motherfucking dare" look.

He groaned, and pouted at me.

He was too cute, and I couldn't stop myself.

On the street in the cold air, I kissed him.

We laid there, and I remember thinking oh my GODS I'm kissing Nico DiAngelo, and my mind going blank when I realized he was kissing back.

It was a light, starter kiss, but it was enough for me to become the happiest I'd been in a year.

His lips were chapped and cold, but there was something so pleasing about kissing him, it was odd. I really enjoyed it though, and I wanted it never end.

He tasted like French fries and Pepsi, and a slight hint of something else. Maybe mint? Did he use a breath mint at some point? I noticed it all. I broke the kiss realizing that Nico looked like he was gonna burst from lack of oxygen.

His puffs of air were like little clouds, and they disappeared as quickly as they came. He looked at me with wide eyes, and stood up, and disappeared into the night.

I was left alone in the middle of the road.

I felt dead. Was our kiss worth nothing to him?

(Song credits to Fall Out Boy, the song is "Where Did The Party Go".)