Things Are Not What They Seem

Part 22: Goodbye?

I awoke as the sun was setting, I could see the orange rays spilling into the room through the curtains.

I stretched, then got out of the hospital bed and broke down again.

He's gone. Never coming back.

My sweet, sweet little sunshine. He helped me through so much, and I failed to help him. I'm so sorry.

I held my head in my heads until someone knocked on the door, and I quickly wiped my eyes and let them in.

"Hey Will. So they're planning to have his funeral on Saturday. You rest up until then. You need it. I'll rest too. Chiron is planning it and he's already got a suit ready for you to wear. Would you like to say anything at his funeral?"
"...yes please."
"I'll leave you to rest and think on what to say."

She left the room, and I got to work.

I went to the small wooden desk in the room and opened one of the drawers and got out a pencil and some paper.

It took a bit of thinking, paper, and tissues.

Obviously this was gonna be an emotional letter and I'll mention lots of important things I never got to say to him, and never will.

I worked late into the night, making sure that it was perfect, because it had to be. What if he was listening? I couldn't say some shitty cliche stuff to be nice to that audience, it had to be for him. Nobody else.

I was dead tired and emotionally wrecked, but I finished at 4:13am, and laid my head down and passed out on the desk.

I woke a nurse shaking me and handing me a tray full of hospital food.

It actually didn't look that bad.

It had a bowl of Lucky Charms and a carton of milk, with some orange juice.

I ate it and felt better, but still awful.

You can't really get over that quickly, but time heals all wounds I guess.

But there will always be scars. Always. I know that too well.

I sighed loudly, and checked over my work just one more time, and then put it in my pocket.

I wouldn't need to practice, I'd have it in my hands, and I'd be fine in front of the crowd, and ya know I didn't wanna do anything else so I went back to sleep.

I woke at noon feeling well rested, so I went to go take a shower.

I showered in the hospital (for obvious reasons) and felt slightly better, then I eat again.

It was basically a cycle of eat, sleep, repeat.

It was FINALLY Saturday morning, and Hazel came in giving me my suit.

I got dressed, and I realized something, that should've been obvious to me.

I looked dead.

Sunken eyes, sickly skin, skinny and small frame, and an empty smile.

I got out my paper which was crumpled slightly, so I smoothed it out, and reread it. I inhaled deeply, and made my way over to the place where it was being held.

There were a bunch of campers all in folding chairs and some weepy, and others comforting the weepy. They all wore black, even some of the most cheerful and goofy campers were sad.

I can't blame them, I don't think I've ever cried so much, it's made me weak.

But I went up to my reserved seat, and sat down and readied myself for the ceremony.

Chiron went up to the stage and said a few words, expressing his sadness and how he is heartbroken that Nico felt this way and felt that he couldn't tell anyone. Stuff like that. I tuned him out, because I didn't want to cry here.

Someone ended up shaking me and telling me it was time for me to walk up to the stage. I sighed, and stood up.

I walked there, unfolding the paper, and taking deep soothing breaths. I saw Hazel smiling at me from the crowd and felt slightly better, so I began my speech.

I first introduced myself and made them feel more comfortable by making a few kind comments towards the audience and then I began to read from my paper...

'Dear Nico,

I'm sorry it had to be this way.
I'm sorry you'll never see the sun again, and I'm sorry that you'll never be able to see your sweet little sister grow up into a beautiful grown woman. I'm sorry that you'll never see the moon high in the sky, shining down on you, causing you to feel safe from any harm. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you, even when you felt like you were a monster that needed to be killed. I'm sorry that I'll never be able to cause you to be happy again, by leaving a trail of loving kisses on you. I'm sorry I can't be with you, not yet. I'm sorry I was unable to help you, and I'm sorry you'll never be able to see anything ever again. You deserved so much better, because I know you are the most beautiful and amazing person I could've ever met. You helped me through one of my darkest times, so I in turn tried to help you through yours. I'm sorry I failed you, I failed to make you feel like you could live in my arms and be sheltered from all harm, because you could. I would let you.
So I'm sorry I couldn't do any of these things.
I love you.
~Will
P.S. I'll be sure to take good care of your sister, and make sure Zhang doesn't break her heart.'

People were crying when I looked up, everyone was so emotional, then I realized the tears dripping onto the paper.

I couldn't take another minute, so I rushed out.

'I'm sorry Sunshine, I couldn't even stay for your funeral. I'm so weak.'

I went back to my cabin, and hit my foot against my bed, groaning in pain.

I walked over to my closet, and opened it. I got out one of my jackets and looked through it.

I had a velvety box prepared for later years but....

It had gone to waste. I took the ring out and went back over to the place where the funeral was being held.

It had started to rain along the way, and my suit and hair were completely soaked. Nobody was there so I could do it.

I saw the coffin was still there, right behind where I gave my speech, right on that big stage.

I went up there, and opened it.

I cringed when I saw his beautiful eyes shut, never to be opened again, when I saw there was no pulse, there was no going back. His hands perfectly put at his sides, I took his left one, and slipped the ring on.

"I do."