Eyes like a summersky [AhriXReader]

A star who never wanted to be

Slowly drifting out of your sleep, you wake up, no rain, no thunder, some light shining through the windows and the curtains. Not knowing what time it is, you carefully leave the bed.
Ahri seems to still be asleep, but before you leave the room, you put the blanket over her to cover the spots you left open when you got out of her bed.
Closing the door behind you, the silence of the hallway hits you, no chirping birds, no rhythmic breathing of a sleeping Ahri.
It hits you and it strucks you hard as you stand there, just the thought of going back, it seems better than everything else in this world, just enjoying the warmth of each other.
Letting your head slump back, looking at the ceiling, you cant deny it any longer, it is there, this familiar feeling you tried to hide, stow away and forget about.
You shake your head as if it would shake away those thoughts, clear everything up, but even as you walk up the stairs, it still swirls in your mind, lingering around, just waiting for the right moment.

Entering your own bedroom, you just grab some clothes, put them on and go back downstairs, judging from the sun, it is maybe noon, maybe not, you do not care at the moment.
You just grab a pair of keys and with that you are out of the door. In the back yard, it feels like someone is watching you through the windows of the house, but being afraid of your thoughts, you just go on, entering the woods and their seeming safety.
After some minutes, you take a stop, looking back, the house already grew tiny between the mighty trunks of the trees around you, still, you feel like going on, just walking a bit longer.
Sometimes, lone rays of sunlight fall through the roof of the woods, illuminating the dim area, twigs crack as you walk on, breathing the chill-humid air.
It feels peaceful, just you, the chirp of birds from time to time, a feeling like tranquility grasps hold of you.

As you part a bush in front of you, your gaze falls upon a meadow with patches of flowers, deep violet in color.
Making just some steps out of the forest, you sit down on one of the patches of flowers, it feels somewhat calming to you.
The sun shining down warms you up a bit, as you look over the valley beyond this meadow, it looks so far, yet it is only one fall away, down a cliff.
A sharp fall, with these thoughts you fall back, landing in the flowers, as your gaze shifts to the sky, your limbs stretched away from you.
Picking a flower with your right, you hold it up in front of you, a violet flower in the sky.
The dam breaks, all those thoughts rushing back into your mind, but this time it does not bother you, as they grow silent one after another.
Only some stay there, loud as always, unpleasant as always.

Do you really love her?

It feels like an easy question, yet one that is difficult to answer.
So often did you feel like the body did not match the person, a pretty face did not always mean a pretty personality. That poisoned it from the beginning, you can sleep with the body, but have to live with the person inside.
And with Ahri?
You do not really know, some of her behavior seems so... difficult to understand, like she tries to block you from understanding her.
But you will not find your answers to that out here, on a meadow on the hills, those are things that only experience will tell you and there is only one way to gain them.

Before you go back into the house, you take a deep breath, maybe it will be nothing, she just says that this night was a mistake and that it will be just like before, distance and this kind of friendship.
But as you close the door, you hear a rumble in the living room, with some concern, you rush into the living room.
Ahri seems to have fallen over along with her chair, spilling a weirdly grey shimmering substance over her and her t-shirt.
On second look, it is your t-shirt she is wearing.
For a second, the both of you are just standing there, you seem overwhelmed with it all, not getting a grasp of the situation and Ahri, on the ground and entangled with a chair?
She looks around like a cornered animal, it maybe is panic, but she cannot really get anywhere, although she looks like she just wants to hide.

"Ahri what... what happened?" you just press out, it is not anger or anything, just confusion that speaks out of you, but it looks like it hits something within her.
"I... it is not what it looks like, .... I just....", she pauses, looking more scared now, "I am sorry".
Her last words come out so silent, so pressed, as she makes weak gestures from the table to the chair, to the fallen over mug and then to her.
Another time, where you do not know if you should give her space or not, but this time you just stand there, you think that she maybe just needs to collect herself.
She starts to sob a bit, as she looks up from the ground to you.
"Do I... have I ruined this?" she just asks between sobs,
"I mean I do not know what this is, some tea or so, but I guess ...",
"No, I mean .... this whole feeling, it finally felt so different from this stage life".
You do not know what to say, confusion reigning over your thoughts
"Is it not great to be a pop star?" you ask in confusion.
Her sobbing stops, as she just lays there.
"It fucking is not", an emotionless breath of her.

She becomes a bit catatonic, as her eyes seem to stare into the far distance.
"Lets get you off the ground" you say, some new found confidence in your voice, as she only gives a slight nod as an answer.
Getting her out of the chair and off the ground is easier than expected, she weighs less than expected and so, the way back to her room goes quick and easy.
A small case catches your eye as you carry her in and after laying her down in her bed and tucking her in, you cautiously approach the medically-looking case.
Around a dozen ampules, one is missing, its place is empty.
You gently pull one out and hold it up into the light.
The inside of the ampule seems to move a bit, almost causing you to let it fall down, but as you look closer, it seems more and more like the stuff from the mug.
"Y/N?", her voice sounds weak, fragile.
You turn around, still in a squatting position in front of the case.
"Can you give me one please?", she asks, you look back to the ampules, back to her, handing one over with some hesitation.
"Thank you, Y/N", her grasp around the ampule looks feeble, but after intake, she looks more healthy, fit.

"What is this stuff?", you ask as you pull a chair besides her bed,
"Just some medication, something a superstar like me cannot be seen with".
Her tone sounds like she is about to cry again, she lifts her head up a bit, letting it fall onto your lap, you are a bit surprised again, it seems so sudden.

"I never told anyone else besides maybe Akali or Evelynn, but all this pop star stuff, it all seemed worth it the first years. To sacrifice all those years and become famous, but then".
She stops, you feel some tears hitting your pants, trying to calm her down a bit, you begin to stroke her hair again.
"I finally could live a normal life like everyone else for those years, but as soon as this hype around us started, paparazzi everywhere and then all those contractual obligations .... I felt like a weirdo once again, so many eyes on me, just because I seemed so... exotic".
Another wave of tears rock her a bit.
"I just wanted to love like everyone else, without all these eyes on me. I never had a childhood, no teenage years, just this grey preparation to stand on this big stage one day. I was just another Vastaya back home, but there? An exotic animal, even with Evelynn being a demon, all they cared for was the foxgirl. When i met your parents and nobody recognized me, I thought that I could live like everyone else, even just for two weeks! And now that! Besides my friends you were the first one to treat me like I am normal and now I ruined that!".
She begins to sob a bit louder again, pulling her legs up against her chest.

Your mind races, around this one question, what to say? Or how will you say it?

"I think, you are perfect just the way you are, just be yourself"

The words leave your mouth without much thinking, she stops sobbing, raising and tilting her head a bit to look up to you.
You just stand up, making your way to the door.
"Y/N, please, sto...", cutting Ahri off, the door falls in lock behind you, you never went upstairs that fast, but as you are finally in your room and the door is locked, you fall onto your bed.

If the truth is written on the ceiling, even the strongest words of deny will not help the case and this realization, that you tried to block all this time since you first saw her, sinks now in, no way to hold it away any longer.