The Rebound

Chapter 8

Why do you overthink so much?

"Why do you overthink so much?" That's what he said when I told him how he made me feel. I couldn't help overthinking and I don't think he understood. When you get hurt you can't help but to think. To wonder. Things didn't feel right and I could feel something brewing. Things changed, he wasn't as he had been before. He was cold but always denying his change in behaviour. You think I don't feel it? Then he blames it on that he has no time. Not even time to check in on me? I wasn't asking for much I just wanted to know if he was okay and how he was doing. This showed disinterest.

He had changed like all of them do. What was once morning and night or how are you? became nothing. I stopped texting him to see if he would bother and he didn't. He used to send me texts first but that changed. I was clinging on to something with no substance. There was no longer life in him. I don't know what happened. Just that I could feel him get colder towards me with everyday. I asked myself if it was me? This feeling made me feel awful. Once they close off it's like they just get colder and colder towards you and like Selena Gomez's song "we don't talk anymore like we used to."

The thing is I could control physical pain. Break my finger sure it's gonna hurt but you won't see me cry, break my heart and I don't know I just fall apart. It's not exactly something I can control. I struggled to control my emotions. And when others I associated with were down it affected me too. I really wish I could be as cold as those guys, the ones that could just dump girls and move on to the next one. Even though I'm not a guy that strength to not get attached and remove yourself from the equation so fast it's admirable where as I find myself feeling this awful pain that feels like physical pain but isn't cause yes maybe I invest myself into people too much.

So yes this guy lost interest in me cause I overthink? Explaining why I am how I am makes it seem like self pity even though it is not. I'm trying to tell them why I am this way. It's cause of people. Why is that so hard to get? I'm not trying to make you feel sorry for me when I tell you about the bad things I went through in life I'm trying to make you understand that those bad things made me the person I am today. Fxxk explaining...

Explaining is really no longer worth it cause if they don't see hell, they never going to see. You can stand on your head till you're blue in the face. You can give the horse the bucket but if they don't want to drink the water they're not going to. People only see what they want to see. If they see things from both perspectives then damn you found yourself a "one in million person." If they can see from all angles, you have found a true Chad. I'm joking with the Chad part but it's true. Not many are open minded most are tunnel visioned.

People hate overthinkers. They suck the fun out of life? Okay then maybe I belong with the few percent of overthinkers out there. Maybe I need someone who overthinks like me and we can overthink together.

I'm not going to change for someone who already doesn't want me. What?! Change and then you leave? What would I be changing for? If you can't handle me as I am truly then you can't handle me at all.

To be continued...