The Rebound

Chapter 12

How did we get here

From crying in a bathroom about another heartbreak 💔 to reminiscing about my life filled with regrets to leaving the bathroom and then comparing my life to an otome game. It was pretty clear I had reached the lowest of the low.

So it was time to change the otome game and materialize my future instead of throwing away everything for love and not thinking what the hell I was going to do next...

So you get a boyfriend>love

Wtf do you do next

She didn't think that far ahead sadly...

I just wanted to be less lonely

No actually I wanted a reason to live...

Well for me my outlook on life was a bit strange I guess my goals weren't being top achiever or the 90% student, what the heck that's practically the same thing, anyway, but rather my goal was to be happy and have someone to share that slice of happiness with. Did I think of finances? Supporting myself? Education? No... and I know it seemed pretty dumb but if my goal was to be with a certain person I suppose it would motivate me to do better in my life which is strange but it is how I worked for some reason. When I was stalked by this guy I liked back in high school it was strange but my marks actually went up. Something in being pursued made me do well, made me want to better myself for him. Yes, maybe to impress him but not actually, I was doing well cause I had something to look forward to. I had something that felt real and good. I so much wanted to find someone who could support me, not financially, mentally, and help me just clear my thoughts I guess. Grow with them as they grow with me.

So yes I didn't have my footing. I don't know, I just wanted a shoulder to lean on I suppose. Something or someone to look forward to. I know I'm supposed to live for myself but something in that makes me feel so empty and alone. Hollow. I didn't want to be hollow and it made me feel like a zombie. Getting up everyday yay do better for yourself but no one is there only you. Something in that made me ask myself? Why am I here? Every person on this planet didn't ask to be here. If you tell your parents I didn't ask to be born they can pretty much tell you the same cause neither did they but we are here. None of us asked to be here but here we are and I'm confused. I've always been confused since the start. Trying to piece together things and find a reason to my existence. Life is simple they say. No reason for anything. We just here and that's it.

I just wanted something to live for...

Someone who needed me like I needed them so I wouldn't feel like I didn't have a reason to be here...

To be continued...