TW: nsfw stuff and violence
Florida: Are we fighting or flirting?
Louisiana: I'm pinning you against a wall with my hand around your neck-
Florida: Your point?Louisiana: Well, Florida and I finally did it!
The rest of the squad: *gasps, shocked expressions, etc.*
Louisiana: That's right... We kissed!
Florida: What are you in the mood for?
Louisiana: World domination.
Florida: That's a bit ambitious.
Louisiana: You are my world.
Florida: Aww...
Louisiana:
Florida:
Louisiana:
Florida: OH.
Florida: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine.
Louisiana: But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again.
Florida: O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns??
Louisiana: Is it working?
*While planning to break in somewhere*
Florida: Hey, let's do "Get Help!"
California: What?
Florida: "Get Help."
California: No.
Florida: C'mon, you love it!
California: I hate it.
Florida: It's great! It works every time!
California: It's humiliating.
Florida: Do you have a better plan?
California: No.
Florida: We're doing it!
California: We are not doing "Get Help!"
*A Minute Later*
Florida, carrying California: Get help! Please! They're dying! Help Them! *throws California at guards, knocking them out*
Florida: Ahh, classic!
California: *gets up* I still hate it. It's humiliating
Florida, laughing: Not for me, it's not.
*California recording whilst New York and Florida are arguing*
New York: HOLD UP, HOLD UP, HOLD UP, HOLD UP!! HER SISTER WAS A WITCH, RIGHT? AND WHAT WAS HER SISTER? A PRINCESS! THE WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST, BRO!
California: *wheezes like a tea kettle*
Florida, pulling out a knife: I'm gonna stab them.
New York: YOU'RE GONNA LOOK AT ME AND YOU'RE GONNA TELL ME THAT I'M WRONG? AM I WRONG?
Florida: It's my favorite movi-
New York: SHE WORE A CROWN AND SHE CAME DOWN IN A BUBBLE, FLORIDA!
Florida: I'm not fighting with you, I'm not fighting with y-
New York: GROW UP, BRO. GROW UP!California: DC is a strings kid. We must sacrifice them to the band gods.
Georgia: Yes.
Florida: You're right. It'd be a good initiation for me.
DC: Wait, guys, what about the truce we signed-
Georgia: What truce?
California: *sigh* The truce that we must destroy all the choir kids and leave the strings alone.
Texas: Wait, I'm a choir kid!
Everyone else: *prepares for sacrifice*
Florida: I truly go into housewife mode when I'm someone's soulmate- like, I'll make you pancakes and bacon every morning.
Louisiana: This is a lie.
Louisiana: I'm literally dating them. This is a lie.
Louisiana: THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK A PANCAKE, WHAT IS THIS.
*Everyone is playing a board game together*
Florida: I will put 'A' down to make 'A'.
New York: I will add onto your 'A' to make 'AT'.
Louisiana: I will add onto your 'AT' to make 'RAT'.
California: I will add onto your 'RAT' to make 'BIOSTRATAGRAPHIC'.
Louisiana: *flips the board*
Florida: California! For the love of god, please turn down that music. I have a hangover.
California: *blasting the mii theme at full volume* That sounds like a you problem, not a mii problem.
Florida: *on the phone* Hey California, do you know my blood type?
California: Of course, it's B-.
Florida: Oh, I guessed wrong. Excuse me, nurse-!
California: YOU DON'T KNOW YOUR BLOOD TYPE?!
Florida: That shirt looks great, New York.
New York: Thanks.
Florida: But I bet it would look even better on California's floor.
California: Are you hitting on New York... for me?Florida: What do you call quantums of electromagnetic radiation that don't get along?
Louisiana: What did you just say-
Florida: Foetons! *Laughs*
Louisiana: Wh-what?Florida: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I'll wait.
Louisiana: You and me!
Florida: *tearing up* Ok.Florida: Your smile? It makes my day.
Louisiana: Your happiness? I live for that.
New York: A room? Get one.
California: Hotel? Trivago.New York: Why is Florida crying on the floor?
California: They took one of those 'what person are you?' quizzes.
New York: And?
California: They got Texas.Florida: Advice of the day kids, if you ever meet someone who calls Gatorade flavors the actual name of the flavor instead of just the color then they are a certified nerd.
DC: Yeah but you have to specify, frost glacier or cool blue? You can't just say blue because there's more than one blue.
Florida: Blue and light blue, nice try idiot. Fuck you.Louisiana: The stars are so beautiful...
Florida: They're just giant balls of gas.
Louisiana: You know what, if you're just going to ruin this, then-
Florida: And yet none of them are as huge as my love for you.
Louisiana: Oh...California: Where's Louisiana?
New York: Don't worry, I'll find them.
New York, shouting: Florida sucks!
Louisiana, distantly: Florida is the best person ever! Fuck you!
New York: Found them.Louisiana: I didn't drink that much last night.
New York: You were flirting with Florida.
Louisiana: So what? They're my partner.
New York: You asked if they were single.
New York: And then you cried when they said they weren't.DC: Is it still visible? Where Florida slapped me?
California: Your face looks like a don't walk signal.
New York: Your face looks like a photo negative for the hamburger helper box.
Texas: A palm reader could tell Florida's future by looking at your face.
Louisiana: The phrase 'talk to teh hand cause the face ain't listening' doesn't work for you,
because the hand is your face.
DC: ...A simple 'yes' would've sufficed.*Florida and Georgia enter a dive bar*
Florida: Look, I know you're disappointed but could we at least have a drink.
Georgia, in a scuba diving suit: I would like leave, please.California: I'm not doing to well.
DC: What's wrong?
California: I have this headache that comes and goes.
*Texas enters the room*
California: There it is again.
YOU ARE READING
State Files
FanfictionHi! You can call me Pearl, and welcome to my Statehouse headcanon book! here I'll be posting headcanons, incorrect quotes and the occasional oneshot! all of this will be organized by the chapters [ie; chapters will have 'headcanons' 'incorrect quote...