Bittersweet Home

Chapter 7

Episode 4

Part 1

TW: there will be mentions of suicidal thoughts and panic attacks. 

*Hyunsu's pov still*

"You really can't trust that announcement. Are you gonna be okay?" Mr. Han ponders. To be fair, he is correct. None of us know if he is a monster or an infected person trying to draw us out. Junseo seems to know him but that doesn't really mean anything to the rest of us.

"Yeah. Don't worry about me. I'll be alright. We need to do something," Jisoo responds to Mr. Han's question. I look to my right and see Junseo lost in thought. Is he still thinking about that Eunwoo guy that we heard over the intercom? I am always stuck wondering what is going on in this guys mind. I was pulled out of my thoughts by bible man speaking up.

"Thank you giving me this. May God bless you for all you done for us," he says in thanks. He is very nice as a person but a lot of the things he says I feel like I can predict. The room goes a bit silent afterwards and it's probably because we don't truly know what to say due to none of us being in this situation before.

"I like Buddha."

"We're gonna make sure to come back for you and get you all," Jisoo  says breaking the slight tension in the room. It was really awkward in here, this makes me very uncomfortable. As a person with extreme social anxiety, pauses like these where people all just stand and stare at each other. How am I supposed to know what people are thinking? What if they are thinking negative things about me? So many thoughts could be passing through their heads. So many thoughts that could be about me and how I'm infected. I'm a hindrance to the team as long as I am infected, I could quite literally turn against them at any time if I can't hold this inside of me for long enough. I don't think I'm gonna be able to do it. Everywhere I go all I do is hurt those around me whether I mean to or not.

Mr. Han's stern words in response to Jisoo noona's statement slightly pull me out of my spiraling thoughts. "Don't promise me anything you can't keep. I think I should say farewell to you both right now.

I really need to pay attention if I'm gonna have a shot at being useful.

'You know if you let someone else have the reigns maybe, just maybe, you can actually be of use,' i hear the altered version of my voice speaking in my head

"You know, someone once said to me, even complete darkness disappears with the faintest light," Jisoo spoke up trying to lighten the mood despite the circumstances surrounding their departure.

"Is the person still alive?" Mr. Han quipped.

'Probably nooooooot,' the voice sang.

"I'm not sure," Jisoo responded sadly.

"So...Can I go with the two of you?" I spoke up trying to refocus myself so that I can prove my inner demon wrong. I CAN help, I thought as I picked up my traveling stuff.

'Can you really? Do you really think the kicked puppy who can't even communicate his own feelings to anyone including himself, can actually defeat monsters?'

"I guess three is better than two. Right?" Jisoo questioned her traveling partner. I felt a hand grab my shoulder and stop me from moving very far.

"You three aren't going anywhere without me. Don't even think you can. I'm the one who knows Eunhyuck the best and I'll know if he's been infected since I know his normal behaviour patterns. I also know the most about the monsters and will be your best shot at survival," Junseo buts in confidently.

'I think you should watch and learn. Maybe take a page out of his book. He has bonded with his monster... why are you so afraid of me. Maybe you're not cut out for this you're just a poor, helpless puppy.'