ever since the chipmunks found out i was pregnant they've been pampering me left and right. eleanor keeps giving me tubs of watermelon yoghurt and alvin keeps giving me "free haircuts" i dont know where he keeps the hair but i never see it in the trashcan. yesterday jeanette made me a maceroni and cheese casserole and ive been throwing up ever since i had fourteen bowls in a row. i hope she didnt use paprika because im allergic to it.
today i have a doctors appoinement that tells me if the baby is a boy or a girl. dave cant come bc theres a deal on applesbees roast chicken but all of the chipmunks are coming. im so excited i could squeeze the internal organs out of all of them.
simon insisted that i dont drive on the way to the appointment because the steering wheel could hit the baby. i told him it was fine but now simon is driving the honda and theodore wont stop playing with his stupid rainbow among us imposter popit.
we get to the doctors and i immedialy start thrrowing up jeanettes maceroni and cheese casserole again. some chunks of the glass dish she used to bake it in come up too. i dont remember eating that. maybe dave force fed me some in my sleep. once i finish throwing up we walk in and a doctor brings me inside.
"hello ms doctor"
"hello y/n" she says. she smells like strawberry pie. i hate strawberries. i cant wait to leave. strawberry shortcake sticks a wand on my stomach and starts waving it around. im expecting some demon to appear in the room bc it looks like a seance is going on.
"congratulations y/n youre having a girl"
jeanette, eleanor, and brittany start cheering but alvin literally starts to foam at the mouth and claw at my stomach. i hope he doesnt have rabies or something. simon calls dave and tells him the news. over the phone i can hear dave chowing down on his applebees roast chicken. i hope it tastes good.
we leave the doctors office and drive back home. somehow dave is already there but there is also a golf cart in our driveway. ian walks out of the front door and his hair looks all wet and yellow. he walks by and he smells like the nastiest, most vile piss i have ever smelled. i ask what he was doing in there.
"oh" he says. "dave needed a plumber and i happen to have a plumber liscnese."
"oh do i need to pay you??"
"no worries" he hops in the golf cart and winks. "it was free of charge...." he drives away leaving a trail of piss.
dave comes to the doorway and hugs me. i vomit on him.
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