after dave told me the news simon went to the front desk of the hospital and asked to use their phone so he could call ian. they wouldnt let him so he ended up choking the fornt desk lady and called ian. as it turns out ian was actually already in the hospital. what a coincedence.
simon and ian walked in the delivery room. this baby looks absolutely vile and smells even worse. like the inside of a kfc urinal.
"hi ian" dave says wistfully. the two men are sharting into each others eyes. i cuddle the baby closer. this is a revenge baby.
"so do you two boys want to tell me whats been going on this whole time???" i ask
"fine y/n ian has been my sneaky link!!!!!!!!!!!!!" dave yelles. "but hes just so enticing and beautiful..........and when he's wearing that chicken suit......oh i wanna do bad, BAD things to him............ughhhhh 😛😛😫😫🤤" he moans
"you could have just asked me to buy a chicken suit i could have gotten it off of shein"
"babe you just dont understand ian and i love each other"
"so then why did you marry me in the first place huh??"
admist all of this the chipmunks are having a grand ol time. theyre eating popcorn and alvin and brittany are making out again. alvin is filming the whole thing but theodores abnormally large left toe is in the way of the camera so hopefully nothing too exlplicit will be placed on the world wide web.
"so you could give us a baby. there, i said it!!!" dave hollered
"SO YOU'RE JUST SAYING OUR HOLE RELATIONSHIP WAS A LIE???"
"YES ARE YOU HAPPY NOW ARE YOU SATISFIED??"
as dave yells at me with ian on his shoulder i think of my relationship with dave. the wedding, honeymoon, all the grilled cheeses and party rockers in the house 2nite. my beautiful mezmerizing purple hued eyes filled up with tears and baby sausage started to cry. "dave i just cannot belive you would do this to me your such a traitor!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"well too bad you can cry about it" dave hissed and ian giggled. i feel his spit on my face. it tastes awful. how much piss does this guy drink.
suddenly dave stole baby sausage and ran out of the delivery room!!!!!!!!!!
"STOP THAT MAN" brittany and jeanette scremed and albin and simon tried to claw at their pant legs but the duo still got away with baby sausage.
i started crying but then the chipmunks all huddled around me
"dont worry y/n we're going to get sausage back"
YOU ARE READING
dave seville x reader
Humorjoin the seville family!! dave has a special surprise for you...i bet you'll never guess what it is!! soon you'll become a member of the seville family...and all the wacky surprises that come with it...
