"DAVE DAVE" i screamed
"Y/N WHAT IS IT????" dave walked into me screaming and crying cutely
"ive been peeing for 45 minutes i think my water just broke"
"NO WAY" dave screamed "CHIPMUNKS GET THE CAR READY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
simon grabbed the blankets and eleanor grabbed a bowl of jello pudding. i cant wait until this baby is out of me so i can push her into the bowl. not the baby. eleanor. i hope she likes jello pudding because its all she'll be tasting for days.
we drive to the hospital and i cry cutely thr whole way there. the nearest hospital is actually inside of an airport so we have to drive for like 3 hours. i keep crying and theodore gives me a flintstone gummy vitamin.
we finally get to the airport/hospital and have to take a quick break because alvin really really wanted to go in one of the planes and brittany wanted to go to starbucks to get a chocolate covered graham cracker. i might as well just give birth in the airport bathroom.
after brittany ate her graham crackers and alvin and eleanor performed a lap dance on the pilot we finally get to the hospital and i sit down. dave holds my hand and i scream and scream until i feel something push and it feels ABSOLUTELY NOTHING LIKE THE WATERMELON
"COME ON Y/N YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! PUSH"
i want dave to shut the fuck up so i take my fingers and stick them in his mouth. he sucks them. i slap him across the face.
finally after like 4 hours i think the baby is coming out. i dont bother looking becasue that sounds disgusting but its starting to feel kind of like the watermelon. after a little bit i hear some crying and my baby girl is born.
"wow" dave says "y/n that was amazing im so proud of you look at our baby girl" he sounds somewhat panicked.
"can i see her" i ask
"uh y/n-"
i grab my baby gorl and am shocked. her face looks nothing like mine and it is a direct replica of..................................ian!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! one of her feet even has a chicken claw and she smells like a chicken. oh my gosh what the heck is going on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"dave what is this and why does my baby look like ian"
"i should be asking you that same question"
"dave are you kidding that man basically drinks your piss like its caprisun he might as well stuck a straw up your dick and start sucking"
"babe i-"
"i wanna know what is going on"
"okay so when i made the grilled cheese that got you pregnant i- cooked it in ians pee"
"BABE WTF"
all the chipmunks gasp. "DOES THIS MEAN IAN IS OUR DADDY"
"what no"
"ok"
i get up and storm out of the hospital with the baby in my hand. i have decided to name her sausage.
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dave seville x reader
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