Indebted Love

♡ neuf ♡

Now that I have a taste of meeting someone that could possibly be your other half, your soul mate, I want to take a bigger bite of love.

I thought about it all night, dreaming of knowing Angel inside out and imagine that Angel is mine. At breakfast, at a Café this morning, I pictured Angel spread out on the bed, naked and vulnerable in front of me. I think he knew what I was thinking, smirking if I stare at his lips too long and kissed me publicly to tease me or to irritate me. Either way, I'm still astounded by our confessions last night.

When we went back home after deciding not to do anything, I decided to share my thoughts with Angel. He obviously laughed at me, calling me out to be more dirty minded than a catholic slut. Because a Christian girl's mind is meant to be pure and clean.

I roll my eyes at him, settling right next to him as he puts on a horror movie per my request. He then says he's surprised I loved horror movies because I look like the type to live off romance movies. I roll my eyes again, choosing a movie with an Angelina Jolie in it: Taking lives.

As the opening starts, I ask Angel if he sees me taking control in the bedroom. I know he's pretending to think about it, looking away so I wouldn't see his laugh but I can hear but he says yes with a little hesitation. Knowing my sexual inexperience might be the reason he laughed, I didn't take it to heart and watched the movie contently besides him.

The next morning, I realised I did take it to heart. He made me feel a little ashamed to be sexually curious despite my religion, making feel a more guilty than I already felt. Though waking up next to him only made me a little more adventurous- by the marriage certificate (legit or not) I have every right (under God's covenant) to seek sexual gratification with/from my husband.

There's something bothering me though, something I should've asked or at least clarify with Angel so my heartbreak in two years wouldn't be as painful. For now, I shoved the thoughts at the back of mind, focusing on playing 20 questions with Angel and talking to Tamarah for the reminder of the day. With Tammie, I withhold nothing (except anything about Angel's gang) somehow, venting my complicated feelings towards Angel and she suggested that I give in this relationship, to try. Even after I told her I think there's something deeper than friendship going between Seth and Angel.

Tammie brushes it off as bromance as Angel walks into the bedroom, jumping on the bed on his back and stares at me a smile on his face. I quickly ended the call with my sister, rolling my eyes at her suggestive tone and exaggerative smooches.

"What's up with the smile on your face?" I question Angel, crawling to the other side of the bed to kiss his lips.

As I hover him, I couldn't help but feel a sense of pride and dominance wash over me, my fantasy to sexually control him grows.

"I just got off the phone with Seth," he runs the pad of his thumb across my lips, "he has forgiven me." He says, whispering almost.

Before I can answer, Angel drops his hand from my face and reaches for a pillow instead, placing it under his head as I settle on top of him. I try to ignore his lower region, trying to recollect my thoughts of my last remaining working brain cells.

"That's good." I complimented, "but like forgive you forgive you for marry me and your friendship would've never be the same or..." I trial on, my heart expose at the palm of my hand.

"What do you mean?" Angel gets a little defensive or maybe confused because I also think we got past this already.

"Are you in a romantic relationship with Seth?" I finally exhaled, "the night of our first date, you asked if I had  a secret boyfriend? Well I didn't ask you when I obviously should have." I try to swallow the lump in my throat, staring at Angel's chest as my box braids frames my face and hides me a little.