𝐏𝐔𝐃𝐃𝐋𝐄𝐒 | ✍︎︎

𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝟭

This feeling.

I get many feelings in one day, most are bad feelings.

Pain.

Pain.

Pain.

And, more pain.

But it's okay, because I get this.

Pain makes this feeling more enjoyable.

There's one month a year where mommy just disappears.

That means I can eat, I can drink water, and I can do this.

Which, is very selfish of me. Because mommy gives me food and a house and books and water. Just not as much as I'd like her to.

But when she leaves, I can sit on the roof of the house at 4 am, in the rain, and hope I don't catch a cold or fall off of said roof.

The light pitter patter of soft raindrops, not soft enough to be classified as drizzling but definitely not hard enough to be pouring.

The way I have to keep my knees to my chest to make sure I stay dry, under the tiny roof above my window.

The way Puddles watches from the window, because despite her name she doesn't like getting wet.

The occasional harsh breeze that makes me shiver, but I don't move anyway.

The way I know if I want to leave any time I can just climb through my window into the safety of my room.

This feeling.

I sigh in content, but freeze when I see the flashing of blue and red lights which snap me out of my thoughts.

Cops.

No.

No no no no no.

Mommy says cops are bad, they'll do worse than her, they'll kill me.

I scurry into the window, grabbing my stuffed elephant, Puddles, and slamming the window shut.

The name always confused me, I'm aware that I named her, but why Puddles?

Maybe because I love the rain.

There's frantic knocking at the door, "Police open up!" fills the house, making the air around me all the more suffocating.

I can't breathe.

"Clailea, if the cops ever come to the house, you hide. They will kill you if you're out in the open."

Hiding place, hiding place.

I rush down the stairs, jumping when the cops warn me about knocking the door down, into my favorite hiding place.

The closet.

I slam the door, cringing when I realize they probably heard.

"We're coming in!" The door is thrown onto the ground, I make sure to stay away from the crack in the door.