𝐏𝐔𝐃𝐃𝐋𝐄𝐒 | ✍︎︎

𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝟮𝟮

Zara and I still haven't spoken, and as I sit here, at my math table with Noor waiting for Remi and Evelyn, who are known to be late.

Noor seems to have sensed my somber mood, only making light conversation. I hope it isn't too noticeable.

I fiddle with my fingers, not even bothering to get my white board out. I think that's evidence enough for Noor because she stops conversation completely.

"You alright?" The familiar voice of Ms.Katz asks,  touching my shoulder lightly as if to give me support, which doesn't help.

I don't know why people thinking touching someones shoulder helps.

I nod either way, not bothering to look at her, my gaze completely on the table.

I see Ms.Katz crouch down from the corner of my eye, "We don't want to end the week on a bad note, do we?"

I want to tell her I can't help it, that I'm trying so terribly hard not to be sad, to fee the feeling I was utterly eaten whole with, when I was with Adonis.

I shake my head, continuing to fiddle with my fingers.

"Do you need to see the councilor, or the nurse? You can have a nap in there if you're tired." I refuse, shaking my head, still not looking at her.

See, is it so hard to try and help, mom?

I want to tell her that I am tired, but not the way a nap can fix. I'm so incredibly tired of ignoring Zara, of him ignoring me.

I barely even see him anymore, he's always in his office, which is weird because he never is.

He didn't even ask about my first day.

That thought stings, my fists clenching together, my arms wrapped around my knees which are pulled to my chest.

I'm sure he heard about it through one of my brothers, the walls of my brothers lips are undeniably thin.

"If you need anything, feel free to come to the bean table," She's referring to the teacher table in the corner, which is in fact shaped as a bean so she can sit in the corner while kids sit around it.

I keep my gaze on the table, even when Evelyn walks in and sits at our table, my two friends conversing. I think I heard my name in there a few times, but I don't pay attention.

I don't even look up when Remi walks in, the three of my friends talking to each other slowly and quietly. I keep my forehead on my knees, wishing desperately for Puddles, or even just Socks to be here with me.

The fate of Zara and I'd relationship is at stake with this, and that may be the scariest thing that's ever crossed my mind.

Zara, although a man, has been more of a mother figure than my own mother, if you could even call her that.