N.R. One Shots

Time to go

A/N: sorrryyy I've been gone so long. Schools got me quite literally dying but I'm gonna try and write more after my exam.
I won't call this an apology one shot cuz this little baby is PURE ANGST. Apologies for ripping your heart out, I really am sorry.

You never left.

When you saw her pulling away, you stuck by her. Waiting for her to see, you were right here, right here for her.

You were waiting on the couch, knees tucked into your chest as you watched the minutes go by. The day started off rocky, but you had stopped noticing. Every day seemed to be rocky. Things had been a little tense, but you explained to yourself, it was just work. Natasha's job was an important one, saving the world was no easy feat. But once, just once, you wanted to be a priority for her.

You held out hope today would be different. After almost five months of her treating you like a mere stranger under the same roof, you foolishly wished she'd come to her senses today. You missed her bright smile, her green eyes twinkling as she pressed kiss after kiss to your parched lips. Intimacy was forgotten for a long time, she never even had the time to kiss your forehead goodbye as she left the house in the tender hours of the morning, leaving you with cold sheets. Nights were the same, her crawling into bed a little before midnight, not touching you at all. If she even came home, that is.

As you sat there now waiting for her, you wondered blankly where you had failed.

The clock showed 12:07 A.M. when you heard the front door open. Quickly rubbing away the stray tear on your cheek, you turned around to face her with a faux smile. 

Natasha.

Her green eyes blown wide in surprise.
"You're...awake?"

You remember this day last year. Nat was called away on an emergency mission and you understood. It was her job. But she walked in at midnight as you sat watching some old romcoms, laden with chocolates and flowers. She pressed a soft kiss to your cheek as she told you about cancelling the mission to spend time with you. Her hands brushed your neck as she hooked on the necklace she brought you, a simple infinity symbol hanging from a silver chain. You had never loved her more.

Now you stood, fiddling with that necklace, looking at your girlfriend with tired eyes.
"You're late?"

You stepped forward, hinting at wrapping your arms around her, holding her close. She had confided in you, breathlessly after a long night, that she loved the feeling if your arms around her. But now she pulled away, shoulders tensing at your touch. You let your hands drop, trying not to let your heartache be evident in your face.

Nat looked away and stepped into the house, the door closing behind her. "Mission ran late"

"Bullshit."

Nat looked at you, but you were about to snap.

"Bull fucking shit. We both know you weren't on a mission. I'm just-"
Suddenly, you felt all your energy leave you. You were tired. Tired of the same argument. Tired of her excuses. Tired of being ignored, pushed aside.

"Do you even love me anymore?"

Natasha hesitated before nodding. "Yes, detka, of course I do i-"

She hesitated. You didnt believe her.

"Natasha.. Do you even remember the last time you kissed me? Or hugged me? Or even fucking looked at me?"

Natasha stepped back, and with frustration, you saw her defenses go up. "I've.. I've been busy okay?!"

You swallow dryly, a laugh escaping your lips. Running your hands through your hair, you look up, blinking, willing your tears not to flow freely.

"Its our fucking anniversary."

Natasha blinked.

"Its our special fucking day and I made you your favorite fucking dinner. I sat here for the entire goddamn day like an idiot, thinking you even cared a shred about me. Do you, Natasha? Do you?"

When she didnt answer, you stepped closer to her, only a breath of air between you. Your eyes brimmed with tears as your voice dropped to a whisper, desperately wanting this to work.

"Do you even want me anymore?"

When she stayed quiet, you had your answer.
You reached for the door handle, wanting to get out of here before you let her see you crying.
"I'll come back for my stuff tomorrow, while you're at work. You won't have to see me."
Still, you waited for just one small indication that she loved you. Wanted you like oh so long ago. She gave you nothing.

You slowly reached behind and unhooked the silver infinity necklace. You dropped it on the doorside cabinet, the chain pooling up.

You sighed. "Goodbye Natasha... I love you." Your throat constricted as you forced out the words one last time. But it wasn't force, no. Loving Natasha had always been easy..but apparently she didnt feel the same way.

You never left. Even when she pushed you away, you were always there. But now as you looked back at her face, eyes not even meeting yours, you knew. It was time to go.

DO Y'ALL WANT A PART TWO/ALTERNATE ENDING HAPPY ENDING
CUZ I LOWKEY JUST KILLED MYSELF

Edit: sorry × 2 for hurting y'all a second time but nah I'm not gonna do a separate or part 2 fluff to this cuz I like the angst sorryyy