I Am Not Okay With This!

No One Understands

April 19 2022, Dear Diary...

NO ONE FUCKING UNDERSTANDS ME!!!

As I may have told you guys already, (or not, I really don't care anymore) last Friday, I was called into Mr. Wolf's Office and he gave me a paper me, my parents, and my teachers needed to sign so I can leave school and to give it back to him as soon as possible. And During Friday when I asked Mr. Gerst to sign the paper, he said he would do it later. And then the second time I saw him that day I asked if this was later and he said later again. And now TODAY! I asked him to sign the paper and he said fucking later again! I told him that he already said that last Friday, but of course I fucked up my words and stated stuttering and said yesterday instead. Then he told me something I wish I got to know sooner about my grades. Before I get into that, he said that sense I'm moving in May 13, he would sign it before that day. I already started getting pissed and said that I needed to turn this in back to Mr. Wolf as soon as possible. Damn, why does that sound like such a good name to put in a fantasy vampire novel? And what even is Mr. Wolf's role in this god damn school? I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HE DOES!! I practically shoved the paper into his face forcing him to read it. He said "Oh." And FINALLY SIGNED IT! But he continued to talk about my grades and that I'm apparently flunking his class and might have to restart the school year. I felt attacked when he said that. When he finished signing, I snatched the papers away from him and left the class room yelling out to him "WISH YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME SOONER! THANKS FOR MAKING ME FEEL LIKE A FAILURE!" He said something in response but I was already out of earshot to hear what he was saying. 

I had four things I needed to do at lunch time. One, go to the flag thing. Two, get my photo taken for military child. Three, go and see my councilor Mrs. Merphy. Four, eat lunch. I practically ran out of the flag thing when it was over. The flag thing was like, the entire lunch and recess. The photo thing for military child was like, three seconds long and then I had to run to Mrs. Merphy's room so I wouldn't miss my meeting. And to make sure she wasn't with another student already. 

I told her about my day and that the whole writing down my thoughts and feelings the entire week thing kind of worked, even though I forgot to write during the weekend, and how my Easter weekend was. Mrs. Merphy bought an entire new thing of fidgets! I noticed that quickly. She told me that this writing thing may actually be good for and said to keep writing and visit her room again next week. 

After that, of course I was late to gym but My gym teacher's wife Mrs. Steadmen told him that I visit a councilor randomly and I even visit Mrs. Steadmen sometimes too. So he wasn't mad. I really didn't want to see Mr. Gerst again but I had to. I could've skipped, but Celeste was walking to class with me. Before I entered the room Mr. Gerst pulled me aside and asked what I ment by making me feel like a failure.

...

FUCKING DUM ASS!!! DOES THIS BASTARD NOT THINK OR HEAR THE THINGS HE SAYS!? I got pissed again and tried explaining in a way that he would understand but I didn't fix a single loose screw in his head. So I gave up and walked to my new assigned table. which made him mad but he couldn't do anything about it.

After school I got home to my little sister (middle child) Genevieve saying that mom is making the store bought rainbow brownies. I told mom that I wanted to make the brownies with her or by myself but she clearly just said screw you Y/N! I'm gonna make them myself and let your three other siblings lick the batter off the spoon. The happiness I felt when I got home from school died ever so quickly. 

Mom asked how mine and Olivia's day was like she couldn't tell that I was clearly pissed at her. After Olivia told her how his day was he then left the kitchen and disappeared off to freaking Narnia or some shit. I told mom that my day sucked and she just stared at me blankly and said I could make the icing for the brownies. Wow. She wasn't gonna ask me what happened like she did with Olivia? That's just grate! I told her about what happened with me and Mr. Gerst thinking that I'll get at least something out of her. But what did I get? I got mom making the icing herself and saying that I should apologize to him. OH, FUCK THAT! I'm not telling this women a thing anymore! 

I walked away from her and told my brother Lucas that he had to get off the computer sense it was part of the daily drill. When me and Olivia get home from school, whoever that is on the computer gets off and stays off till me and Olivia are done with our work. But of fucking course he makes a huge unnecessary fuss about it and them mom walks in and lets Lucas finish his turn on the damn computer and tells me to go take a brake. What the fuck!? This is just bullshit!

That! Is a shit tone of emotions in one day.

P.S. Some things I forgot to mention on "One Weekend": I had a sleepover with Olivia and his friends. Kylie got to come over but Olivia's other friend JoJo didn't because she's grounded for some reason. Even though JoJo didn't get to come it was a lot of fun. We jumped on the trampoline shirtless at one point, and we stole some of my dad's liquor and mixed it with the Fanta my mom gave me and used my mom's and dad's shot cups to drink out of. If my parents ever find out about this. 
I. AM. DEAD.
But it was a shit ton of fun. We aren't gonna tell anyone what really happened at the party but kylie is acting a lot different around me. She's being nicer! And she actually starts freaking out when I'm around for a couple of seconds. I don't know if I did something to her or not but the girl I thought was a heartless bitch ended up being a good person. Well kinda.
Yesterday, me and my family ate at a place called Mega Burgers. The food is amazing! Minus than the fact the fries are very salty. When I finished eating before everyone else did like usual. My mom let me take a few pictures on her phone. But after that the three little ones got annoying again. But this time they really got on my nerves more than they normally do like they alway do. But this time I demanded that we go home. Now! That didn't happen. But My parents let me stand next to the car and have me wait for them and the others to finish eating. Not gonna wait inside the car, outside the car which is far away from the restaurant. I really wanted to cry, but it wasn't about the car thing. I did want to get away from them. While I was waiting by the car, a cut family walked by and the father said hello, I said hello back and then their daughter that was up to my knee said hello and I said hello back again. She had a cute voice. I waited by the car for another minute and started walking around the parking lot. Well, it wasn't really a parking lot. We were more so parked by someone's house. This is normal in Germany. I stopped walking when I came across a house that looked like something you'd see as a drawing in a child's book. The garden looked so clean and healthy. That's what I want but no. There was a black metal fence surrounding the garden but I was able to slide my arm though the fence and touch the peddle of a red healthy flower. I glanced to my right and saw a boy that looked around my age walking to who knows where with headphones on and he glanced back at me. He gave me a smile and waved. I did the same back. I let go of the flower and started roaming the village some more. I stopped walking in front of a house that had a brown framed window open. I could hear two voices yelling at each other. I looked up at the window and saw a kid just sitting there looking at the sky. She had a look on her face saying yep, just another simple Monday. She then looked down and saw me staring at her and gave a sad smile and waved. I did the same back. I knew how she was feeling. we stared at each other for a few more seconds until I heard my siblings. My family was done eating. I wanted to keep exploring the village. This was the nicest place I have ever been to, and so far the people are so kind. I called out to her saying "I need to go." to the girl and pointed with my thumb at the blue car not that far behind me. She looked more upset but she called back out to me. "I understand. My name is Nora by the way." Nora. That's a pretty name. "I'm Y/N. I hope things get better!" I said and waved goodbye. She did the same thing. I'm gonna miss her.