I Am Not Okay With This!

Problems.

April 30 2022, Dear Diary...

I have problems. Everyone has problems. There is not one person on this planet and any other planet and universe and galaxy that doesn't have problems. 

On Friday, a testing day... AGAIN! I was waiting in the room I was supposed to be in for testing, waiting for the other kids to get in the room when suddenly I need to be pulled into the Library because all of the tests I took  that week needed to all be redone- TODAY! While I was in the Library redoing the tests, I was only on test number two on question 10 when I started crying. I barely had any of the questions answered, so many of them were bookmarked, and I had to get them all done in two hours in one day. AND ALL THE TESTS I HAD TO REDO IS MATH! 

One of the adults in the Library noticed and tried calming me down. She did a shitty job. I gave up and cried with my chair facing away from her. The lady gave me a choice to go to my next class or go see a councilor. When I told her I don't know she looked annoyed and I had a fucking panic attack. I grabbed my shit and ran out of the Library and headed straight for the upstairs girls bathrooms and cried in one of the stalls. No one ever go's into the upstairs bathrooms. I don't know how long I stayed in there for but I started blasting out music from my headphones. God I'm grateful you don't need Wifi to work Spotify. 

When I finally decided to leave I turned in the signing papers to be pulled out of the school into the front office and sense I didn't know what period everyone was in I went to my teacher Mrs. Briggs. She had Students in her classroom eating lunch in there so I I was good. I asked Mrs. Briggs what period everyone is in and she said third. Which means I didn't just skip PE but I also skipped Lunch and now I'm starving. I also asked if I could barrow that phone in the classroom. You know the other phone all teachers have in there classroom and it's not the one they're able to take wherever they go. She said yes and I tried to call my dad to call the babysitter at my house sense him and mom were in Rome for the weekend. But It just went to voice mail and I don't know how to work voice mails yet.

One time I accidently sent my mom a 3 minute voice mail and I didn't even know how I did that. I asked Mrs. Briggs if she could try and call my dad for me and tell him to call the babysitter to come and pick me up. Don't remember as usual if I mentioned this but my mom moved me from ADHD medication to Anxiety medication. And the medication stopped working so quickly that morning. She said she'll try but she needed my dads phone number so I gave it to her not thinking much of it. She suggested I go to class. I didn't want to but she already gave me a late pass so I couldn't do anything about it.

Later that day I got called into Mrs. Merphy's office and she asked me why I ran away from the Library. Typical. Just typical. I told her what happened to me today so far and she gave me a chocolate bar. I also told her that the writing down how I feel and what my thoughts are on paper isn't really helping me anymore and I barely get anytime to write the shit down anyway. 

After the meeting. Don't remember what happened next but it was already the end of the day kinda and Mrs. Briggs said that since my babysitter is German she can't come on base to come and get me. That wasn't the only reason I couldn't go home though. My friend Caroline had a birthday yesterday and she invited me and my sister and we got to get a ride in her mom's car to her house. I've been to her house once before but I just now find out about her little sister Juliet. 

I'm serious. Her sisters name is actually Juliet. The birthday party was also a slumber part but for some reason me and Olivia were the only ones that came and I have no idea why. I chose not to ask about it. I had a sugar rush. That birthday cake had so much fondant and I had two sodas and sour gummies. I don't understand how I fell asleep so quickly when I was told that me and the others had to go to bed at 8. 

I woke up so fucking early the next day all because Caroline dropped her phone while getting up to go to the bathroom and since her house is very echoie when her phone dropped it sounded like gun shots and I had a fucking panic attack again. Yay. I'm still questioning if Caroline even goes to sleep. 

Other than that- 

I'm bringing weapons to school. Like I said, my parents are staying at Rome for the weekend and now I'm stuck with a babysitter named Celia. I've had her as a babysitter many times before, but she's staying with me and my siblings for two whole ass days and it's already going bad. I said the f word in front of her and she told me to watch my mouth. It's as if she doesn't even notice all of my other siblings cursing.