rewind.

13

The skies blue with a touch of gray. The wind howled like a wolf . Slowly, a slithering pale hand grabs onto his arm. "You're all mine."

Jaehyun jumps up. He looks over to see Johnny by the door. Did he just experience deja vu? The blonde slides out of the bed. "Johnny wh.."

"I'm sorry for giving you those sleeping pills. I wasn't thinking." Johnny looks down at the ground. "How did your therapy session go yesterday?"

Jaehyun stretches his back. Thinking deep on the question he stopped all movements.

(Yesterday)

"It was horrible, I tried to save the kid." Jaehyun wipes his tears. "I tried my hardest. The door wouldn't budge, everyone just looked at me like I was a fool."

The woman grabs Jaehyun's hands. "But you're not. You are selfless." The woman hands him a tissue.

"It felt like I was really there. Jackson also appeared. I..I...I'm all alone. No one wants to help me." Jaehyun pulls away from the Therapist.

She places her fingers under her chin, "how does that make you feel?" The woman with cherry lips pursues them in question.

Jaehyun stands up. "But that kid is calling out to me. They knew I was there."

The therapist huffs out before standing up. She walks over to her chalkboard. "Who is the kid Jaehyun?"

"Good." Jaehyun steps a little outside of the room. He wasn't though. He looks over his shoulders. "Why did you do it? Why put me to sleep?"

This tension, jaehyun wouldn't be lying if he said he has never felt it before. This isn't his Johnny. "Maybe you did it because you hated that I wanted you home? Or is there something... to someone else?"

The color drains from Johnny's face. It's like he was caught for something. "Wh...what don't be stupid. I just wanted you to stop talking about Jackson."

Jaehyun scoffs. "That's what we should be doing." He turns around. "You're scared of something, I can sense it. You are hiding something."

Johnny grabs the blonde's face. "I would never do anything to hurt you. I think you need to chill out." Johnny kisses Jaehyun's forehead. "I love you, remember that."

Jaehyun bit his bottom lip. That kiss isn't the same. Things are changing. His life is changing, feelings are leaving, hope is dying.

"So it's all my fault. Thank you for making that obvious." The shorter removes himself from Johnny and walks away.

Who is he to deny that he is pushing their relationship down hill? Jaehyun makes his way to their indoor hot tub. After discarding himself of his clothes he slowly slides into the water. The warm water releases so much tension in his body. The little waves almost put him to sleep, good thing Johnny had already done that so he is wide awake.

Another thing about being wide awake is that his mind is constantly running to the thoughts that curse his existence. Who wants to think about Johnny with someone else? Not him. But he couldn't stop thinking about it.

The thought of losing the American avalanches into a different feeling, guilt. He knows that he should consider everyone else but he doesn't. Jaehyun pushes his fingers through his hair in distress. How could he even become so entitled to bypass everyone else's mental state?

"Jaehyun, it's not your fault. I shouldn't have done it. I felt as if I needed to stop you from expressing those concerns because I'm not ready. Even after almost twenty years I'm still hurt. That's why I put you to sleep." Johnny says.

Jaehyun frowns. "I'm sorry for overstepping. I know Jackson is still a taboo, yet I kept bringing it up."

Johnny smiles a little. "Aww baby don't feel so guilty." The American steps into the tub. "I love you." Johnny grabs Jaehyun. "Always."

Jaehyun smiles just a little. He looks down, does he?

~~~~~~~~~

Jaehyun checks the clock for the ninth time. It was a little past two in the morning and Johnny wasn't home. Jaehyun wasn't jumping to any conclusions yet. Maybe he was stuck somewhere but even then shouldn't he have called.

Laying in their bed waiting for Johnny to call is so agonizing. However he couldn't do anything else. He couldn't sleep, his mind wouldn't allow such a thing to happen.

Jaehyun rises from his lying position. He sees a box on his dresser. He has never seen this rosy red jewelry box before. It sparkles in the lamp light.

Jaehyun crawled to the end of the bed and reached for it. When the box was in his hands it felt a little too heavy. A little baffled by the extravagant color and weight of just a small thing, Jaehyun pops open the top and looks inside.

"Pictures...." he grabs the photos. These photos were of his pubescent years. He hated how he looked. Cringing at the picture where he held up a peace sign, Jaehyun wanted to throw the picture away.

Just as he was placing the pictures back in the box a figure caught his eyes. There was a shadowy lime figure behind the tree that he took the photo in front of.

The blonde takes in a deep breath. "P.." he started shuffling in-between all of the pictures. One scared him the most. It was the picture taken at the pond on his wedding day. Johnny was holding his bridal style. Cute right, however in the background stood Jackson holding flowers. Jackson had died five years before their marriage.

Jaehyun stuff the pictures back into the box. Suddenly the room becomes bone chillingly cold. He gets under the duvet hoping that this feeling would go away.

"HELP ME!"

Jaehyun's eyes snap to the door. It was Jackson again. He slides out-of bed. "Jackson?"

"Help me! They are trying to kill me!"

Jaehyun ran over to the voice. However there was nothing in the hallway. "Jackson I know you're here, I can feel you!" Jaehyun's fingers fidget at his side. "I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm so sorry for everything. I know you are hurt but we must move on."

A hand grabs Jaehyun's waist from behind. "Don't turn around.."

Jaehyun stayed facing the doorway. His heart rate pumps faster than the speed of light. "Wh..what do you want from me?"

"I want you to be happy. I want you to live a successful life."

Jaehyun frowns, "how could I live happy knowing that your blood is on my hands? I will never be..."

"I'm not Jackson."

"What?"