Playing with feelings

16

For the last couple weeks, signs around the day school had been advertising a Mommy & Me dance class. It had felt like an answered prayer to Emmy, she'd been on the casual lookout for classes for Camryn. This one was not too long after the school day ended, so it wouldn't strongly affect any schedules. She'd written her name on the flyer shortly after she first spotted it, and that brought her to today, standing in the lobby waiting for the first day of dance class.

The list had filled up quite nicely, and the lobby was buzzing with toddlers and small children dressed in leotards and bright pink tutus. She'd known most of the moms from Camryn's class, and she'd also known the ones who had put their kid in dance class the second they could walk. The ones who were much too advanced for a mommy & me class.

She was surprised by one of the parent's names on the list, yet not all shocked. He was walking through the door now, his daughter dressed in a tutu and him holding a little dance bag, just like everyone else.

Daveed walked up to Emmy as he held Amber's hand. Amber quickly dropped his hand to gravitate to Camryn while Daveed and Emmy slowly did the same. "Hey Em," Daveed said as he approached her.

"Hey," she smiled widely and then looked to the girls laughing below them. She eyed Amber's tutu and then looked back up at Daveed, "Did you make that yourself?" she asked, pointing out the multicolored tutu that sat too cutely over Amber's leotard.

"Yep," Daveed nodded, "All homemade. All last night" he grinned and held up his hands for emphasis.

"Impressive," Emmy nodded. They continued with light conversations between each other, getting so wrapped up that they didn't notice the lobby of people getting slimmer around them.

The teacher had called for class to start and everyone was forming a circle when Daveed, Emmy, Camryn, and Amber made it to the doors. The group was standing in a way that had 2 circles: the moms on the outside while the daughters formed a tinier circle right in front of their respective mothers.

Emmy and Camryn walked in first and joined the formation. Daveed followed suit, yet the feeling of not having someone behind or beside him made him pause just in front of the open door.

He turned around to see Amber lift her foot to take a slow step behind the threshold. He outstretched his hand to his baby girl, "C'mon Amber," he called out with a sympathetic gaze in his eyes.

Amber's shoulders tensed up and she shook her head slightly. She looked around at the circle of moms and daughters who had went ahead and started class with some stretches. She backed up a little more, her eyebrows crunching on her face from fear. Her head dropped, and all her excitement for the class seemingly had disappeared in an instant.

Daveed walked up to his daughter and took both of her hands in his own. He squatted down so he could look into her eyes. His one hand rose to gently pick her chin up. "What's wrong baby girl?" he asked as his heart broke from seeing her so upset.

Amber dropped her head again the second he moved his hand from her chin. She began to nervously sway left and right. "Everyone else has their mommies," she said through whimpers in a muffled tone.

If a sentence could've made him sob, it would be that one. He knew this was possible, almost inevitable, but it still broke him to hear it aloud and know that even Amber noticed she was the only one here without their mom.

He just thought somehow he could make up for it. Be both her mom and dad. He had made a promise after Amanda passed that he wouldn't let Amber miss out on anything. He knew Camryn and most the kids in her class were taking this class, and he'd feel bad if Amber couldn't because of something she had no control over. So he stayed up all night googling tutu tutorials and traded his teacher slacks for sweatpants. But now, he just felt bad for making her even more upset.