DOOM SAGA I - I'll be home tomorrow

Proverbs 14 (NIV)

Argent d'Nur

The morning sun didn't give much warmth as Io trudged through the knee-deep snow on the balcony. The warm boots weren't even high enough to keep it from biting her skin through her pants but the noise that came from the town was too compelling to ignore. She had to dig her feet in with every step to reach a stable surface below, while the door swinging open in the room behind her wasn't loud enough for her to notice.
The meal he had left in the morning was eaten and his note still lay aside it, telling her he would return soon. She did not need to know that he left long before the crack of dawn, might it come late during this time of the year. They had caught someone and asked him to accompany the questioning. But even with all their measurements, the man had not given much information. He was a Sentinel as well, and they would need more than that to break him.
The chilling draft immediately captivated the room from the half-open sliding window to the double door, which he closed quickly behind him. Without much thinking he wandered to the opening, blinding white snow engulfing her dark frame. She treaded somewhat clumsily towards the parapet. He heard the noise too, people screaming and shouting in excitement, music echoing along the side of the mountain right to them. He watched for a few seconds before he made a quiet noise, which startled her and she spun around to greet him. One of her feet got stuck, and the momentum made her waiver her arms as she tried to save herself but failed and fell flat on her back into the heap of snow that had built up in front of the sides. She nearly disappeared fully in it and he promptly came to her rescue as she helplessly drowned. He held her under her arms and shook her in the air to get rid of the dusting that still clung to her, and she blew some air to get it off her face. She peeked and heard his amused snicker before she started giggling herself. A wave of loud voices made both of them look.
"Are they celebrating something?", she asked as he let her down at the balustrade, and she hung onto it. She squirted her eyes but couldn't see anything from here, only some dark smoke from what must be a big fire.
"Midwinter."
"Midwinter? Like Midsommar...? Why are they celebrating the cold, brr?"
He chuckled once, having thought the same a long time ago before he leaned on next to her and looked down the valley from their high point.
"They pray to the wraiths for a merciful winter, that pests stay away from the storage and that they will have enough until the first new crops are ripe, and also that the wildlife will survive so that they can hunt them in the next season."
"Pests...? Wait, you have the pest here?! Like pest pest?? Like dying in a day miserably?!"
She could not believe her ears as she stared at him with wide eyes but he laughed a little and shook his head.
"No. Mice and such."
She sighed loudly.
"Oh, I get it. That's rude. Calling them pests, pff."
It got quiet for a moment as they watched the smoke rise and move in the breeze.
"What is a wra-th? Wre-th? Wrai-th? I only know wrath, like the emotion. Are they bad?"
He looked at her befuddled before remembering that she knew nothing about this world.
"They are the gods of this world. They created everything and everyone in the beginning. But they have not intervened in thousands of years, as the Makyrs dominated the leadership of these faithful people. Wraith means ghost or spirit."
She glared at him like a child.
"So they are like you? And Davoth? Or are they just... you know... imaginary ghosts?"
He sneered at that name and shook his head again. He needed to take a deep breath, and relax his jaw muscle, before continuing.
"No, they are pretty ugly creatures. Head like a faceless bull, wings like a giant bat, and everything below is... tentacle stuff...", he said bewildered at his own description.
"Ugh, that really sounds ugly. I'm glad I will never have to see one. Wait, but you saw one?!"
"Not much alive though.", he said but his gaze darkened for a moment as he hesitated.
"Hmpf and they are tall, a lot taller than me."
She made a funny face as she was imagining those gods and was seemingly horrified.
"So... How many of them are still out there? A dozen? More?"
He shrugged unsurely and turned his attention to the rooftops below. He did not need to confuse her more than that or even scare her. She rested her arms on the barrier and laid her chin on them as she went on thinking.
"What do you believe in? Do you also believe in the wraiths?", she asked and looked up to him.
A little overwhelmed he lingered to answer and took a minute to think.
"It changed many times who I believe in. But never what I believe in.", he said and his gaze wandered again, his shallow smile vanished.
"Good will always be good, and evil will always be evil. But life and death are not always in balance, and good people die while bad people live. Even now that Davoth is gone and hell sealed, evil persists in their hearts and would grow uncontrolled if there wasn't something they could have faith in. I believe that's why I'm here."
He tried to stay simple, knowing she did not always understand what he was saying. Yet he was impressed by how well-spoken she sometimes was for her age, and especially for speaking a foreign language.
She had listened carefully, and his words seemed to resound in her mind.
"What about the ones in between? Will you kill everyone who did something bad?"
"No. I won't kill anyone as long as I have a choice. Nobody deserves to die just because they made a mistake, may it be a terrible one. After all, all life ends the same. It's not on me to judge them."
"You mean their souls? But if they don't go to hell anymore, where are they going?"
He shrugged his shoulders again.
"I hope I'll find out.", he said and smiled at her again softly.
"And what do you believe in, Io?"
She peeked at him for a  moment before she kept staring into nothing and shrugged.
"Don't know.", was all she mumbled indifferently. He did not take his eyes off her now, worried about the shadow that crept into her eyes.
"Do you not know what to believe or do you not want to believe anymore?", he asked calmly.
"I...  I don't know...! I don't want to-... I don't- ... understand ... this. Everything. You..."
She fidgeted nervously and he felt a strange fear grow.
"What is it that you are afraid of?", he asked again, knowing that he was digging into something deeply unsettling.
"I just- ... I don't- ... I can't... I can't. I can't!", she yelled becoming more agitated, her fingers digging into the top of the railing for hold and her eyes shut tightly. She moved restlessly, shaking her head.
"You can't what?! Tell me!", he said a little louder, prying even harder.
"I can't live like that!", she screamed and took a shaking breath as her eyes opened to the world in front of her and everything changed.
The horizon fled from her, the walls stretched unnaturally and the floor was falling away from under her feet. She felt like freefalling and her eyes turned upwards into her skull as she choked on her breath. Reality had caught up with her after all, as for that brief moment she could feel everything; the vastness of space itself and the fact that she was on another world, in another time. That she did not belong here. And that she was alone.
He held onto her as she swayed and slumped, the sudden dizziness hitting him hard as well. They sank into the burrowed snow together. Her nails dug into his shoulders and back while she held onto him like she was still being pulled downwards by some force, mewling and panting into his chest frightened.
"Don't let go!", she uttered out of breath.
"Don't lemme fall... don't lemme fall!"
She shivered badly and he felt parts of her clothes had soaked from the molten snow.
"So big... everything... and cold... rough... the people... all strong and... and... loud and fearless...! I'm not... I'm not... I wanna go home... Papa... Papa...! Papa...!", the way she called out for him broke his heart. She felt small, lost, even alien he thought as he tried to decipher her emotions. He remembered those feelings. It has been a long while.
He waited another minute for her vertigo to fade fully before he carried her inside. He slipped out of his wet boots at the entrance and tossed them to the side before he sat them down in front of the fire. Her clothes were tossed to the same corner and he wrapped them up in one of the blankets from the bed. She groaned as she lay down on the carpet, her head still spinning uncontrollably.
She did not quite cry and sob, it was more of an overwhelmed quake as she became more and more apathetic with a hollow stare into the dancing flames. The fact that more and more often she would simply resign from any strong emotional happening instead of handling it made him worry a lot. She could not hold it back forever, but he didn't know how to help her. He had seen it often enough to be sure, but he never had to cope with it himself. She still needed to gain more weight and strength, and he was trying his best in keeping her in good company and making her happy but what was it that she needed that he didn't think of?
Slinging his arm around her more tightly he dug in between her arms and waited for her to notice what he held. Her dull eyes moved slowly but as she saw Mr Bubblekopf her thin fingers curled around and pressed it into her chest, rubbing her cheek into its head gently. Quiet noises came from her inner and the corners of his mouth twerked upwards as he felt some relief.
As time went by he became restless, he had enough of thinking and needed to actually do something. She grumbled as he left her side and curled into a ball, but was woken only a short time later by the sound of pages being flipped. He was sitting on the table, multiple smaller stacks of books sorted around him. His eyes travelled swiftly from line to line, so much so that she believed he wasn't reading seriously but looking for something. She scrambled up onto the chair at his side and in one smooth movement he placed another tray with food in front of her, barely taking his eyes off the pages. She looked at the meal for a moment and sighed before she took the fork and shovelled just a small amount into her mouth. She chewed leisurely, taking a little too long for one bite before she swallowed and took another one. He eyed her cautiously, concerned especially as she left half of it untouched. It hadn't been a lot in the first place. For the rest of the day she spent her time in bed, staring into space. She did not say another word, and he didn't pressure her to do otherwise. When she had fallen asleep the late of the day, the early pitch-black night engulfing everything outside, he left with a big and carefully balanced stack of books to go to the library again. He walked the shortest path, exchanged the books with another stack already prepared for him and paced back forthwith. On his way, he felt hidden eyes burn into his back and the hair on his neck tingled with the sensation of pugnacity, but he did not stop once to meet his pursuers eye to eye. When he was coming to the door, the guards looked at him nervously, and he stopped. They exchanged an arguing look with each other before one stammered.
"She left right behind you... She said she wanted to come with you...!"