DOOM SAGA I - I'll be home tomorrow

Day 206

Argent d'Nur

She was huddling on the stone bench on the balcony, untouched mountains of snow around her except for the narrow path they had created. She had a thick fur under her and kept herself warm with one of the woolly blankets while she let the sun that had finally come around at the early noon shine unfiltered onto her face. She needed to shut her eyes tightly, but she didn't budge, even though he knew her fine blue eyes were unusually light sensitive. She loved being in the sunlight, yet it blinded her outside even with indirect lighting.
He rustled as he opened the sliding door, and she greeted him with a hesitant smile until he knelt down before her and took her hands in his. Doing her best she swallowed hard and made a shallow nod in approval. Her hands were cold and still, he felt light sweat building.
It wasn't that far as the bedroom was positioned quite nicely in the centre of the building, and he held her hand tightly as she clung to his arm with her eyes fixed straight forward. They got into one of the elevating platforms, a small one of the many that connected the dormitories to the lower levels, and every time they went through an unlit segment with darkness for just a second, she winced slightly. She didn't like the darkness.
Her heart rate hastened as the noise from the hall became louder and they finally stood in the wide-open arch into the mess hall. It was truly impressive in its size, the height of the ceiling alone could fit a whole house in it. To the right more than a dozen rows of long metallic tables with benches to each side could hold a couple of hundred men easily, and to her left, she saw what looked like a large serving counter with a line of them waiting for their turn. The wall behind it was open and some steam and a strong smell of freshly cooked meals saturated the air in the front.
When the Slayer stepped to the counter the crowd split in half to let him through, keeping their heads low as he passed them. She held onto the seam of his shirt to follow and felt their eyes painfully piercing her back. There were so many. And they were all watching her. Only her.
The Slayer grabbed two trays and let them put one of each dish on one of them, over a dozen small bowls and plates. She heard a murmur go around them, and noticed that everyone else only got three or four on their trays, what looked like a tiny dessert further down the counter not included.
As he walked to one of the first benches, right in the middle of them all, the gap he was aiming for speedily widened as the other men moved out of his way or got up to sit at another table. Her hands were sweating as she sat down, feeling the presence of the one to her side. They kept a distance, at least to her, and she was glad he sat down at her left, one leg at each side of the bench. His big stature shielded her from the looks of the ones behind him. But as he waited for her to eat and she looked at the bulk of food in front of her she realized that the whole hall had become silent. When her eyes rose again a cold shudder went down her spine as she saw hundreds of heads turned to her, eyes watching every move. She remembered that day. That one day in school when they had found out about her. Her body froze in place, feeling like she was glued down she couldn't keep her breathing calm any longer, falling deeper into the dark hole of her memory. Around her, a swamp of whispers emerged.

Why isn't she eating more?

Look at her, sick and weak.

Just bones... frail like a stick...

How should she have done that?

She should eat more.

A weak child, look at her...

Maybe she really is his toy?

She shouldn't waste any of that.

I can't believe they allow that.

I'm hungry too... Why can't I have that?

A parasite. He truly fell for it.

I don't wanna look at her. It's disgusting.

They should leave... 

He's a freak! I bet he likes to--

BANG
The dishes along the table jangled as he brought his hand down. He did not even look at them, his eyes closed but one could see his eyebrow twitch in anger. Everyone had winced at the sudden noise, and it became clear to them what he expected. Faces turned away and eyes focused on the meals in front as a quiet chatter began to rise again, and some tables farther away a grey old man gave a good slap to the back of the head of a younger one next to him as he scolded him for his behaviour.
Yet, she didn't move.
Her wide frantic eyes stared at the surface in front of her, her hands clasped tightly in her lap, so much that she was digging her chipped nails into her own flesh. She flinched as he touched her back gently, and only now did she blink and breathe again. Perplexed she nodded, looking through the plates and bowls on the tray. Barely anything was familiar to her, all she could make out was the difference between meats and everything else before she began taste testing them absentmindedly. Throughout all of this, he felt her scooch closer to him bit by bit. The way her face grimaced while she chewed on a tough piece of meat, closing her eyes and swallowing forcibly as if her body repulsed the meal. And as he looked at her nibbling away on more he felt foolish for understanding her only now. She did not eat meat. That was why a part of her meals was usually left untouched. Usually, he remembered her eating some meat without hesitation in the beginning.
He looked at her dumbfounded while she just kept stuffing more and more into her mouth, even as sickness began to rise. The stress that still clung to her presence grew with the noise level of the men around as they relaxed and switched into their usual manners. Discreetly but also anxious he first exchanged his empty bowls with some of hers and then grabbed all the ones that had still something inside and gobbled all of it down. He was still hungry, like he seemed to be every moment of his woken life, but she needed to stop stuffing.
Dazed as she was he promptly lifted her in his arm and balanced the trays on top of each other into the rack for the dirty dishes, before pacing back to their room. On their way, her body began to shake and cold sweat surfaced onto her white skin while her hold weakened with every minute. The door closed loudly and just as he turned towards the bed she suddenly struggled and slipped from his grasp, falling hard onto the floor, and hurrying to the bathroom where she hit the doorframe with her hip. A stifled moan escaped her and with it came a swell of puke. He sighed internally before he swiftly grabbed her around the waist as she was at risk of falling into the puddle of vomit.

The evening came early as the clouds brought more snow and winds down the valley. She sat nervously at the table, her toes curled into each other while her feet were not touching the ground as the chairs were too big for her as usual. She had her eyes closed and tried to focus, suppressing the uncomfortable feeling that came with what lay ahead. The voices at the door whispered, yet roared in her head like dull thunder. She waited for him to return to her side, and she wished she could be different right now. Not weak, not sick, not a pure failure and a tremendous embarrassment to him. What were they thinking now? He must feel humiliated. Did so much and waited for her, but she couldn't--
The strong stench of the meal burned in her nose before he even placed it on the table for her. She had to cover her nose for a moment as her stomach churned and she tasted the acidic slime in her throat again. She had puked it all out, two more times when she had at least had the stamina to aim right. His presence was warm at her side and without looking knew he was watching her, like he always did. He never left her alone. Never let her go, never--
She jumped up and stumbled away towards the bed but fell to the floor on the rough carpet by the larger fireplace. Swallowing hard, over and over, she tried to get rid of the feeling that rose in her middle. Sweat built all over her skin as she panted exhaustedly. She clawed her neck and shoulders, her chest, back, legs, everywhere, as she couldn't stand the feeling of her own skin anymore. No, it wasn't hers. It didn't fit any longer. She had seen the mirror image. Who was that? Who's body was she living in?
"Get it off!", she hollered as she burst into tears. 
"GET IT OFF!", she screamed even louder but before she could hurt herself he pressed her tightly against him, her fingers digging into his ribs in turmoil. Whining and huffing she growled into his chest beginning to hyperventilate. Her body boiled in an irritated heat but her mind was racing with memories and whispers. She just wanted it to stop, everything to stop, to fall asleep and wake up in her own bed. The noises in her head became louder and louder drowning out the Slayer's voice as he spoke to her. The pictures that ran endlessly brightened until they blinded her in white light.