Triallaire

The Doldrums

19 January, 1767

CATRÌONA POV

I didn't sleep that night, and when I could finally will myself to get out of bed, I got dressed and made my way up to the deck, where I saw Jamie speaking with the first mate, likely about the cargo. I took a deep breath, swallowed my fear and then approached him cautiously from behind. "Jamie," I said. "Can we... talk a moment?"

"I'm a bit busy at the moment," he answered me, not looking at me as he went over a list. "We'll find out what happened te tha' missin' bottle of wine-"

"Jamie, please. It'll take five minutes," I said a bit sharply, and Jamie let out a huff.

"All right," he said irritably. "A moment, Mr. Warren." He turned to face me, a stern look on his face as he indicated I head down towards where the cabins were. At the bottom of the stairs, we stopped, and he crossed his arms across his chest. "What is it, then?"

"I just... wanted te apologise fer... makin' it sound like I didnae want our child," I told him rather meekly. "I'll always want yer children, Jamie, everra single one of them. It's just... I'm a wee bit afraid of... of havin' this one." I paused for a moment. "I nearly died havin' Maevis, Jamie. I... I saw my mother, saw the light... and I verra well could have gone straight into it, but I didnae, and I had that choice because modern medicine saved my life. But... But what if I dinnae have that option this time?" Jamie let out a soft sigh.

"Aye, I... suppose I should have thought of that," he said back to me, the stern look fading from his face and being replaced by an apologetic one. "I'm sorry, too. I should have at least listened te yer fears. But Catrìona, I cannae condone endin' the life of a child, especially mine."

"I know ye cannae, Jamie, and no matter how afraid I am, I... I cannae rid myself of yer child. I'd never go through with it," I told him. "I just cannae help bein' a bit... worried."

"I understand," he told me calmly, and then he held his arms out for me. "C'mere." I stepped away from the wall and into his arms, hugging him tightly as he kissed the top of my head. "Whatever's te happen, I'll be right here by yer side, through everrathin'."

"Will ye be there when it's born?" I asked him, looking up at him. "Ye've never been there fer any of them, through no fault of yer own, of course. I want ye there wi' me, in case I..."

"Dinnae say that. Ye will not die, not as long as my heart beats," he told me, touching my face gently, and then he bent down to kiss me. "I will be there wi' ye this time, I promise." He smiled at me, and I smiled back and kissed him again, then embraced him.

"Ye left me in the middle of the night wantin' more of ye," I told him quietly, glancing up at him, and he smiled and chuckled, then looked over my shoulder at a door behind me.

"In here," he said, grasping my arm and pulling me into what appeared to be a supply closet. He backed me into a pile of crates covered by a muslin cloth and then picked me up, sitting me on top of the crates as he kissed my face, my lips and my neck while throwing up my skirts.

"Oh, God, hurry up," I hissed at him, feeling beads of sweat already dripping down my face from the heat of the day. "It's so hot in here, I'm meltin'!"

"I'm meltin' wi' ye," he growled back to me, undoing his breeks, pulling them down and then entering me in one thrust. He let out a loud grunt as he did so, while I stifled mine by biting my lip, and as he began to thrust, he made a sound every time.

"Shh," I said, giggling like a schoolgirl as I caressed his face. "Someone's goin' te hear us."

"Let them," he growled again, capturing my lips and kissing me firmly as he made love to me against the crates. When he finished inside of me, the warmth of his seed spreading through me, we collapsed down onto the ground, Jamie's arm wrapped tightly around my shoulders and I resting my head against his shoulder. He kissed the top of my head, twirling a piece of my hair on his finger.