Heartbreaker

2. Secrets

"Let's just go to the rugby game and see what we do afterwards! Everybody goes! Come on Jamie, get over yourself just this once!" My best friend's annoying voice croaked through the phone as I tried to paint a tiny moon on my left toenail. Don't ask. "First of all, I hate sports especially rugby. Second, why do we do what everyone else does? We can have fun in other ways and just do what we want, without thinking about what's cool or if we're outsiders, which we're not, by the way. And third, oh yeah, I HATE rugby." I could literally hear her rolling her eyes on the other end of the receiver. "And besides, what's the point of watching guys throw each other in mud on a field outside in the rain, just to carry an egg-shaped ball through a goal like it's made of gold. And the screaming and grunting, I'm telling you they're like pigs. That's not a bit manly, that's just macho posturing. The worst part is that they really think us girls are standing on the sidelines shrieking and sighing because we are so impressed by it. But who can be impressed by their filthy muddy faces grinning over a stupid high score that doesn't even matter to anyone but themselves." "It matters to everyone at school! Don't forget, you are literally the only person that doesn't care about our rugby team." "There must be someone else out there who feels the same dislike I do," I grumbled. " Yeah, maybe there is! And hopefully you'll find your special soulmate tonight, at the game, with me and Cathy. See you at seven." She just hung up the phone quickly before I could even respond. Great. Another year another game, and I still couldn't manage to talk myself out of going. But it wasn't just the game itself that kept me from going, it was what I had seen days before and Kit Nelson's panicked expression was burned into my memory, constantly preventing me from blocking out everything I had seen. What would happen if I'd go? 

"Uuh I'm just so excited to be here!" "Mhm-hm." Alice and Cathy held on to my left and right, hooking their arms around me and maneuvering me through the noisy crowd of students, all neatly lined up on the sidelines, anxiously watching the game that had long since begun. One of the game commentators yelled something into his microphone and the crowd screamed, apparently someone had done something important. Cathy and Alice also clapped their hands enthusiastically and with a little shudder I saw them watching Kit Nelson tackle an opponent with full force. Would he do the same to me if I revealed that I had seen him? My eyes wandered through the crowd of students, trying to see if the boy who had kissed him was there too, but  I couldn't spot him. "Not long now and we'll win the game!" Alice cheered next to me and I looked back at the field in confusion. It was probably better to keep an eye on what was going on with the rugby play, after all I had nothing better to do. But every time Kit Nelson came into view, my stomach clenched. It was finally over after what seemed like forever, Truham had won the game and Kit Nelson had once again proven himself to be "the King of Rugby". We could hear the victory songs all the way to the dressing rooms and I was the only one who felt uncomfortable. "Shouldn't we wait until they're back outside?" Cathy giggled, raising her eyebrows meaningfully. "Why don't you go straight into the locker room to get a glimpse of their washboard abs?" I replied slightly annoyed, staring at my mud-spattered boots. " Good idea!" she spluttered. "But it's even a better to go to the party and hook up with one of them!" I looked at both of them indignantly. "There's a PARTY? Oh no no no, you two lured me here to party with the Rugby team and all their pesky cheerleader girls? Uh-uh! Never!" "Jamie just this once." Alice begged. "Just this once? How many times have we been to these parties and it was..." A clearing of a throat made us spin around. Kit Nelson was standing right in front of us, still mud-spattered in his gym gear. "I didn't mean to interrupt you, I just wanted..." He looked back and forth between the three of us uncomfortably. "Jamie, can we talk for a minute?" Oh no, not now. Say no Jamie, say no, my inner voice whispered, dripping with panic. I could hear me say:"Of course." Alice and Cathy looked after us with wide eyes as we walked away. Alice formed the silent words "oh my god" behind his back and I couldn't agree more, for completely different reasons. We stood alone in the rain behind the sports stand and I could literally feel his tension and nervousness. It was as if electrical pulses were emanating from him and his warmed-up muscles radiated a pleasant warmth. His wet hair was plastered to his forehead and I waited for the moment when he spoke. "This is really awkward.", he finally begin to say, smiling nervously at me and I wanted to smile too but I couldn't. "It is.", I agreed silently and tried looking away. "Look!" He looked at me in surprise because my tone suddenly became direct. "I know you want to talk to me about what happened in the hallway and the fact is... You don't owe me an explanation. You don't have to justify yourself. It was a situation I didn't see coming either, I didn't want to bother you two, I just didn't know how..." He cut me off. "No no, I know you didn't mean to barge in or anything. I get that, I know it was..." He smiled wryly and ran his hand down the back of his neck. "I just wanted to say that...I saw you behind the door and I panicked. We don't know each other and you don't owe me anything either, I can understand if you told your friends..." "I didn't tell anyone. I won't tell anyone either. It's not my business." He gave me a relieved smile and laughter lines formed around his eyes. "Okay." "Okay," I replied robotically, biting my lip at the same time. Now we continued to stand in front of each other, unsure of what else to say and he looked at me in embarrassment. "I think you should go get changed, after all your buddies are waiting for you." "Oh yeah..." He looked down at himself. "I think you're right, we still want to go to the party. Hey, if you want, you and your friends can come! There will be many people and there will be drinks and a DJ!" I really wanted to refuse but I didn't know how. "I uh...I don't think that's such a good idea, I'm not that much of a rugby fan anyway and my friends talked me into coming over here. Nothing against you and your boys, I'm just not that..."  I couldn't find the right words. Interested? I didn't mean to sound like a complete asshole. "Okay, no problem. I just wanted to formally invite you as a thank you for...it's no problem if you don't want to." He looked at me with his deep brown eyes and I tried to stay as calm as possible. "I mean yes, if you really want to invite me then I can make an exception." An EXCEPTION wow how generous Jamie, god you really have no good arguments. "Great! We'll meet at Harry's, his parents have this huge mansion on the dyke." "Yeah, I remember I've been there before," I replied agonizedly, looking over at Alice and Cathy, both of whom gave me their thumbs up. "Cool, then I'll see you later Jamie." He smiled at me before he left and I felt like my knees became so weak, I couldn't possibly walk back to my friends.