Heartbreaker

"O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?"

"How are you?" "Oh I'm great." "Happy to hear that." "So what have you been up to?" 

I couldn't deal with the thought of having to have some superficial smalltalk scenario with him, not here, not right now. "I thought you wouldn't be coming to be honest.", I just said to him. Was he happy to see me? Nervous? I still couldn't read his face and it drove me nuts. "I was supposed to stay home to be honest, but my mom agreed in the end. I really wanted to come and see you. I feel like I haven't seen you in forever." "Well you haven't." Come on Jamie! Why are you acting like a total bitch to him right now. Please be nice, please be nice, I demanded myself. He opened his mouth and I feared for his response because it would most likely take the wind out of my sails. That was just typical Kit behavior. "I missed you." See, there we go. Now my knees felt so weak, I felt like sitting down. How was he so good at doing all of this to me? I didn't respond ( typical me as well) and we just stood in front of each other as Mr. Whitfield started another endless monologue. Trying not to be rude, I turned around and pretended to listen to what Mr. Whitfield was babbling about but it almost caused me physical pain not to throw my arms around Kit. Really, you want to listen to this crap?, my inner voice complained. "Kit! Didn't expect to see you here!" Cathy hugged him tightly and I immediately envied her. See, she gets to touch him, the devil on my right shoulder whispered into my ear. Stop it. "It's good to see you too Cathy.", he said with a little smile. "What happened to your face?", she asked out of nowhere and I turned my head around. He immediately looked right at me and I realized that something was off. How could I not have noticed? He had swelling on his face, a small bruise and a busted lip. "Just rugby practice." 

Mr. Whitfield and the rest of the group grabbed a drink at a restaurant before going back to the hotel but Kit already left, probably trying to get rid of his suitcase by checking-in. "Mr. Whitfield, I have to take an important call at the hotel, from my parents.", I apologized myself all of a sudden. He didn't think it was too far or too dangerous for me to walk back to the hotel on my own and I sprinted almost half the distance. I ran into Kit at the lobby, where he just gotten his keys. "Jamie." Surprise, definitely surprise on his end. "Hi." "I am just checking-in...", he stated the obvious. "Need any help?" "I'd love help." We walked silently up the stairs to his room, I was a bit disappointed to see that he was on another floor as me. "I was waiting for you to come looking for me." Why did I just say that? He unlocked his door, paused in surprise and looked at me. "I'll let you settle in first, I'm sorry to barge in on you like this.." "No, I want you to barge in, I..." We heard noise coming up the stairs, probably other students and paused for a second. "I want you to talk to me." I just had to smile. "I'll unpack for a bit but I really need to talk to you Jamie." "I can help you.." "No.", he cut me off and I looked at him in surprise. "Okay..." "No it's not no in the sense..I want to talk to you without being distracted. Really talk. I'll pick you up from the lobby in five minutes."

How could you dress up in five minutes to look like a beautiful Juliet, even though you had been walking around Rome all day and were now standing in front of the mirror looking completely exhausted with blisters on your feet? I tried to look nice, but my mind was racing. My nerves were on edge. I had forbidden myself any romantic thoughts about Kit however, that was not the crux of my pain. It didn't hurt to love him. It hurt not to trust him. 

"Hi." "Hi." Little kids, I felt ten years younger than I actually was, awkward, excited, impatient. "Do you want to go for a walk?" I nodded but hesitated at the same time. "How about we'll sit outside in the courtyard? Whitfield would kill us if he went looking for us, while we're roaming the city at night." He agreed and I was also very happy about my decision to stay in reach of the hotel, my room and Cathy, Elle and Alice. The Courtyard had little tables and chairs everywhere, lots of citrus plants, beautiful flowers and a little fountain in the back. We sat across from it on a bench, with lots of space between us. "I really don't know how to start this conversation.", Kit admitted. "I had a plan on what to say, every time I tried to speak to you but...now I am just at a loss for words I feel like." I wanted to kiss him so bad. Keep calm Jamie, this is not what you're supposed to do. "How about you start to tell me the truth about what happened to your face?" He looked at me, and my heart continued to break in two. "That's one of the million things I have to explain to you." I sat down cross-legged, my body facing him, and looked at him expectantly. "Okay." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "I got in a fight." Startled, I looked at his lip and swelling. "What?" "I got..." He was tempted to repeat what he had said before, but understood that this was a purely rhetorical question on my part. "The first thing I have to tell you is that I think the situation outside my house was a misunderstanding." My stomach contracted painfully and I immediately felt nauseous. "Oh yeah?" I almost whispered. That situation caused the pain sitting inside of me. I felt it, now even more than before. Kit turned more toward me and reached for my hand. "Jamie, that was a trick of his. He came to my house with an excuse, I had previously decided to skip classes at school..." He broke off briefly, but then continued after a moment's thought. "I came home and he was standing at the door. I wasn't sure who he was, his face didn't match his name. He told me something about our rugby team, engaged me in conversation .... all that is also unimportant. All that matters is that he and I are not friends and I don't know him." I nodded at him affirmatively, "Then when you showed up I was confused, I had no idea you were going to check on me, and this guy was standing in my hallway, it all seemed strange to me. When I saw the look on your face I knew something was wrong, but I still hadn't put one and one together."  I nodded, feeling like I was about to cry and he held my hand with both hands. "Then when you guys were talking.... I should have kicked him out right away, I was just so overwhelmed at that moment..." I interrupted him. "No Kit, I couldn't have asked you to do that, it's not your fault, you had every right in the world to be overwhelmed! I hadn't told you about him and I imagine you didn't connect the stories to him as a person." He smiled with a relieved expression on his face. What had it been like for him, this whole messed-up situation? I looked him in the face. "Please tell me you didn't have a fight with Kent," I said, anxiously waiting for his response.

" I wish I could tell you I didn't. This guy just gets to me. We had practice after the whole incident in front of my house with you and him. I was on edge all the time when I had to see his face. During practice he kept trying to make me cuss him out. It's just that he simply provokes throughout. As if he want you to punch him in the face, which I did in the end but..." He stopped talking for a few seconds, thinking about what to say. "You okay though? Your face looks really pale!", he asked me worried. I nodded. "Please keep going." He took a deep breath. "He picked on Charlie constantly. He knew what that'll do to me." Now it was me that had to take a deep breath in. "I just wanted..." I stared up at the sky above us, trying to gather my thoughts. He wouldn't let go of my hands. "I don't want to feel this way because it makes me sad that I feel this way about someone I once loved, but.... I'm disgusted by his behavior. It makes me sick to hear all of this. I wish I never...." I stopped myself from going on because I couldn't say it out loud in front of Kit. All the regrets I had been carrying since I broke up with Kent, I didn't want to share with Kit. "However it is me that has to tell you, how deeply sorry I am. You got dragged into my mess, I never thought this would happen Kit. I am sorry that I was so angry at you, I just felt this huge betrayal when I saw Kent inside your house." "No need to be sorry for that Jamie. I know it wasn't your intent nor was it your fault."

 It felt like we had gotten everything off our chest. Not everything, of course, I hadn't told or said that much, but I felt this great relief. I was finally being honest with Kit! "I am so happy now that we've talked.", I said smiling at him. He smiled as well. "That was important to me Jamie, because I do consider you as my best friend."