Heartbreaker

22. Pretty mess

"Come on, cheer up." "I'll cheer up when I am drunk enough for this." We pulled up to the party, dressed in little mini dresses, but I wasn't feeling myself. Cathy glowed in her sparkly dress, her high heels, she was the disco queen of the night. "I love your black babydoll dress! This is so gorgeous, you should act like you are, because you give me sexy but not too sexy vibes. Probably because of the tights." She looked at my black tights and I had to laugh. "They are actually stockings, so I don't know about not being too sexy." Her jaw dropped and I had to giggle. "Don't tell anyone." "Oh so you are on a mission tonight." "No, no mission. I just want to feel like...sexy you know? I've been feeling so..." I could not describe it openly. Pathetic. Desperate. That described it pretty well. "At least I get to feel like a badass bitch tonight, for one night." "Well cheers to you girl." Cathy saluted me with her cup in hand and we had to drink quickly before entering the house. "Another party at Harrys, these never get old." 

Everyone was having a blast, so I tried to put on a happy face. That quickly became harder and harder to do, because I caught Charlie, standing in the corner with Kit. Both talking, laughing, having a good time together. I however, was the center of attention for some of the boys, mostly because of my dress and it did not make me feel desirable. I just felt uncomfortable, hiding from certain conversations, dancing with Alice. "You really love dancing tonight, don't you?", she yelled into my ears, out of breath. "I just feel like moving and grooving to the beat tonight.", I said grinningly. "Well I am ready to grab some water, you want to come with me?" I nodded, walking with her towards the bar without realizing Kit was standing right next to it. He sort of looked at me with surprise, turning around while having a chat with Charlie. "Oh hi girls.", he said, smiling at us with such calmness that I instantly felt sick to my stomach. "Hi.", I just responded, trying to get the barkeepers attention. "Two water bottles please." He nodded, took two bottles out of the mini-fridge and handed them to me. "Alice, this one's for you, they're both ice cold." I accidentally let go of the bottle because my finger immediately froze off. Kit bent down to the floor and picked up the bottle, but I had the same idea and our heads collided. "Ouch." Pain shot through me and I staggered back for a moment. "Oh, I'm sorry Jamie." He held his aching forehead, but also held my hand tightly so I wouldn't fall. Typical Kit. "That's ok.", I smiled through my instant headache, letting go of his hand. "I am good. Thank you." I took the water bottle, smiled without looking at him and left. I heard Alice talk to both of them, but I hurried to the bathroom. 

I didn't want to splash water in my face because of my make up, so I just stared at the sink for a moment, breathing heavily. It's okay Jamie, stay calm. You were polite, he was polite, nothing happened. I tried to be calm and confident, but my palms were sweaty. As I walked out of the door into the dark corridor, I bumped into Kit. It took me by surprise. "Hey." He immediately held my hands, trying to stop me from leaving. "Are you alright?" I nodded. "Yes, I'm good." He still held my hands. It was so comforting that I just wanted to stay with him forever, in this empty hallway. "Why are you avoiding me?" He looked deeply into my eyes. "I am not. I just want to.." His face. So perfect. So beautiful. "Listen Kit. I didn't mean to interfere with the thing you have going on with Charlie." He brushed his hair back with a stressed look on his face. "Is this about Charlie coming to my house the other night?" "It is about me trying to stay out of this whole...mess." "What are you trying to say?" Ugh, my heart hurt so much. "Kit, I want you to be happy." We heard noise coming from the other room where people were dancing. "Probably just another party surprise Harry organized.", Kit explained. He let go of my hands and I was ready to leave. "Let's just be friends okay?", I said while walking away, leaving him in the corridor with a confused look on his face. 

"Are you alright?" Alice still held onto her water bottle and I nodded. "Yes. Everything is alright." "Okay, wanna dance some more?" We had so much fun. I felt like on top of the world with my girls on the dance floor, forgetting about all the emotional chaos going on with Kit. I felt good about myself, letting go for just tonight. "This is so much fun!", I yelled into Alices ear. "You make this look so much fun." He grabbed my back and I turned around, disgusted but also shocked. Harry was dancing behind me, touching me inappropriately. "What are you doing, stop!" I pushed him away. There were so many people around, it was hard to create some distance between us. Alices face was turned to the other side, she did not see us. "It's not like you haven't done anything like that, princess. You let everyone do it." He looked at me disparagingly, and pure rage boiled up inside me. "Don't you dare touch me ever again!" He still grinned at me, not even slightly insecure. "Fuck off Harry!"  I walked off the dance floor, shaking out of anger.