Heartbreaker

21. Games

"You haven't been watching me play in a really long time." "Well yes, I haven't." I was really happy that the fence was in between us, to keep myself at a distance from him, but as he leaned against it I felt my heart racing. "I just came to..." To check out my rugby techniques?" He laughed. Little drops of sweat were running from his face and even like this, sweaty and exhausted, he looked really sexy. Of course he did. That's what he's all about. "Not really, no.", I said, dodging his flirtatious tone and attempt of trying to banter with me. "About the note.." He looked up, suddenly all serious. "I hope you know that nothing will happen between us, ever again. Like ever." He stroked back his hair and looked over to the other guys, watching us. I could see Kit staring at us from a distance as well. "Jamie, I was only fooling around.." "I know that." My presence made him nervous, I could tell. "I feel like you just absolutely hate me for some reason. You can't stand being around me. I know we're broken up for a while now but...I just don't understand why you hate me so much." There was a hint of vulnerability in his eyes as he spoke to me. I sighed. "A lot has happened, Kent. I don't know if..." I couldn't get the words out, because part of me actually hated him. He brushed his hair back, we could hear the other guys laughing, probably gossiping about us. "Whatever." He straightened up, stretching out his arms, his expression hardening. "There's no point in talking to you anyway, I'm tired of wasting my time with you." He walked away, back to his buddies, and as I watched him go, I felt a tug in my stomach like I hadn't felt in a long time.

"There's no point in talking to him anyway, Jamie." Cathy looked at me with concern, and I was almost annoyed. "I know that, Cathy. I know him really well, probably best of all of us." She and Alice nodded. "We know that. Still, he's done some really shitty things, and he's had this way of convincing you that he's this great guy who would do anything for you." I tried not to let that affect me, but everything she said was true. I could still feel the immense pain, even now, years later, talking about it. "It was almost like he was brainwashing you." I tied my hair into a bun and looked down at my hands. "Jamie, promise me you'll leave him alone. No matter how hard he tries to get your attention."

My parents were still discussing politics, as I got up from the table. "Jamie, did you finish?" I nodded, trying to avoid my moms stare. "I have to get up early tomorrow. I am just going to take a bath and then go to bed." "Okay, just clean up after yourself." I really tried not to roll my eyes at her, because things escalate quickly in this house. I just got up, shoved my plate in the dishwasher and went upstairs to my bathroom. As I ran the hot water into the bathtub, I felt like all the stress was falling off my shoulders. The scent of the bath foam, the small candles, the music. Everything was perfect. As I closed my eyes and sank deeper into the water, I could see his face in front of mine. "Do you want me to touch you?" Letting you touch me, taking  me away, feeling your hands on me, your skin pressed against mine, your fingertip brushing over my collarbone. "Do you want me to touch you?" Your lips brushing over mine, your breath tickling me, running along my neck, your kisses... "Do you want me to touch you?" I felt my hand move along my thigh as I felt his mouth on my neck, breathing heavily. His soft lips gently grazed my skin and made my stomach contract painfully with desire. I felt his strong hands hold my torso and press me down slightly as my fingers playfully closed around my middle. "Jamie are you done with your bath?" I opened my eyes and sat up so abruptly that the bath water sloshed out of the tub. She literally stood in front of the closed door, knocking. "I'm done," I said and hurriedly got out of the tub, my cheeks burning with embarrassment. 

As I got to my room, putting pajamas on, my smartphone lit up. 

Jamie, why is your life like this. 

New day, new opportunity to make the best out of sitting right next to Kit Nelson. As I walked to our desk I felt like it was the first day of school. He looked up, with no facial expression and I just approached my seat without looking at him. We sat in silence. He had rolled up his sleeves, I could see the muscles in his arms tighten. Dear God. Every time he pulled back his hair, cleared his throat or touched me lightly, I got goosebumps all over my body. I tried not to look at him, but still watched him out of the corner of my eye. He skimmed his calendar, his eyes darting from line to line, so focused. How would he look at me when I was sitting in front of him completely naked? Would his eyes wander along my body, from my neck to my breasts, slowly going down to my hips... "Jamie?" Alice looked at me, even though she was sitting in front of me. I was startled out of my daydreams and looked at her, questioningly. "Can I borrow a pen?", she said, repeating herself. "Sure." I grabbed my pencil case, avoiding her looking at me. I was about to completely loose it. Focus Jamie, you can't be serious. As we left for our other classes, I felt a deep sadness fill my insides. Kit and I parted ways outside the classroom, and I felt my heart ache as he walked on without saying anything, without turning around. "I'm about to lose it." I grabbed Alice before we went into the classroom and pulled her back into an empty hallway. "I'm going insane." She looked at me, confused. "I'm serious, Alice, I need an intervention." "Okay, relax. What's going on?"

"I am obsessed with Kit." She nodded. "Okay, and he is obsessed with you so..?" "No no no." I took a deep breath while fixing my hair, trying to calm down. "He is not, he is with Charlie. They are still a thing. He was at his house the other night, while I was there.." Alice grabbed my arm. "Jamie. You've got to be kidding me." She looked at me, very concerned and I tried not to freak out. "I know, this sounds so bad. We weren't really doing...it, well not yet anyway." Her eyes widened. "You almost had sex with him while he's with this other guy?" I buried my face in my hands. "I know." "Jamie, I told you this will get messy and now it is! I can't believe you guys did not think about this whole situation." "We did!", I said, offended by her thinking I was just not aware of our situation. "I know that. We talked about it a lot." "So you have talked about what you guys are doing? Having casual sex?" I fell silent. "Have you talked about what you guys are doing? If you don't want an open relationship, you have to make sure you stay away from him. I feel like you are falling so hard for him, that you completely ignore the fact that he is also with someone else. Do you want to be his "side chick"?" I looked at her, hurt by her words. "I am not his "side chick"! I feel like he likes me." Alice raised her eyebrows. "As much as he likes Charlie?" I still felt like crying. "Listen." She took my hands, trying to calm me down. "I know how much you like him. I also respect that he likes someone else, maybe he has feelings for you as well. Maybe he is just interested and confused. I just know that this will not end well. If you don't know, that he's able to choose between the two of you, I would step out of this love triangle, before it get's even worse."