Heartbreaker

20. Orbit Fusion

One, two, three. One star, two stars ... three stars. I heard the rustle of a jacket. Muffled voices sounded from Kit's hallway, and I lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Three little star stickers. I outlined their form with my eyes, corner by corner. The click of a door lock was heard, then hurried footsteps on the stairs. He was already poking his head through the crack in the door, then he slipped quietly into his room. "I'm so sorry that this just happened." I sat up and straightened my clothes. Suddenly it felt wrong to be lying here in his bed while he had been downstairs with ..... "I think I'd better go home now. It's getting very late." He knew why I said that, but I also knew that he knew what the situation was. Maybe I should wait for a moment, so I would not run into Charlie outside. What a horrible scenario, but probably not more horrifying that this one happening right now. We were miles apart, even though we were face to face. I could still feel his hands on my skin, as if they had left traces. "I'm gonna leave now Kit." He wanted to say something but didn't. 

"Can I come in?" Julie knocked on the door, which really made me laugh, even though I was crying in my bed. "Why would you knock? This is basically your room, that's how much time you spent in here." She crawled under the covers to hug me. "I heard you and I didn't want to just barge in." "Oh, God." I looked at her, startled, my curls sticking to my cheeks and I brushed them aside. "Did Mom and Dad hear me, too?" She shook her head. "They're at the opera." "During a school night. They don't care where we are either." She squeezed me tightly. "Just let them do their thing, I don't mind." "And you've been here alone all night?" She looked at me, nodding. "Julie you're 15! I know you're responsible and really mature for your age..." "Thanks Grandma." I pinched her side. "What's really going on with you? Or do you just want to rant some more about mom and dad?" We had to laugh. "No. I'm just..." My voice broke. "How can it actually be that two people find each other, love each other and are just happy?" She stroked my hair. "Meaning, you found someone that you like and this person likes you as well and...you are not happy?" I pressed my face into my palms, trying to hide the stream of tears coming out of my eyes. "I feel like he doesn't really like me. It's more like...I made him like me. But really, he's not meant for me." She tilted her head questioningly. "I think you really need to give me more information. I don't understand a single word you're saying right now." I had to giggle. "Trust me, if I could figure this out I would. It's so confusing." We sat up straight and she waited for my explanation. "We became friends shortly after I saw him kissing someone, that he was dating in secret." Her eyes almost fell out of her head but I continued. "He had this need of talking about it to me, so we did. Somehow we kind of...clicked. One time we kissed at a party, because of a stupid drinking game. I didn't realize how much I've been falling for him." She grabbed my hand because my eyes started to tear up. "On this Italy trip everything escalated. We had a blast but on the last night we kind of hooked up. He still likes this other person though, he was always transparent about that. He is also the nicest person on this planet. The way he talks to me, smiles at me...." I had to stop for a second. "Anyway, tonight I was hanging out at his house and it kind of got serious between us but this other person showed up. They talked while I was upstairs, trying not to feel like I was in the way. I just..." I buried my face in my hands. "I feel so stupid. Obviously he's torn, but I interfered. I am not meant to stand between the two."  

We talked for hours, after awhile I was too tired to keep my eyes open. "I have school tomorrow, I won't survive." She laughed softly. "Wouldn't be the first time you showed up there overtired." I groaned and rubbed my eyes. "I just know I have to sit next to him tomorrow." 

"Hi." Why is he talking to me. "Can I like talk to you for a minute? In private?" "We're kind of alone at the bus station, so I guess we are talking in private." He seemed nervous. "I just want to talk to you because...I know you were there. Last night." I was observing him while he talked. I never really noticed that Charlie Spring had big green eyes. Wild eyes. "This is really awkward." He looked at his feet. "He told me that he likes you, you know." My heart leapt for joy, but the voice in my head immediately rebuked me for it. Pull yourself together Jamie, Kit does not know what he wants. "Listen Charlie. I am so sorry for interfering. This thing that you guys have...I am honestly not going to mess with it any longer. I never wanted to hurt your feelings. I know that you guys met a long time ago and...I'll stay away." He looked at me, confused but also took in every word I said. "I'll go to class now." I walked away, quickly, as if that would have helped me let go of my feelings for Kit. Walking away, you're a coward Jamie Brixton. 

The classroom looked even more gray than usual today. Smeared desks, paper balls on the floor, disgusting old chewing gum under the chairs.  If you are not careful, you accidentally touch some of them. The thought of it made me shiver with disgust. Apparently no one really cleaned these rooms anyway, so who knows what kinds of bacteria... "Hey." "Good morning." I looked at him blankly and ignored his presence. Maybe it's better if I disinfect my chair and desk myself.  I looked at the scribbled words on my desk, of course -written with a waterproof pen. 

A+L

wcw#rhea

A.C.A.B.

There was apparently no detention for smearing the desk at this school. "Sorry for being late Mr. W." I looked up, saw Kent walk in with his gym bag, wearing grey sweats. I watched them girls, turning their heads as he walked by and I could only smile. He caught me smiling as he walked by our desk with a self-deprecating grin and winked at me. Such a pathetic loser.  These girls really though he was the real deal, when in reality he was just a self-absorbed asshole. Kent was like a chocolate praline, delicious to look at from the outside, desirable and forbidden sweet. But the inside filling was gone and you'd only taste the superficiality that leads to pure disappointment. He sat down close to our desk, spread his legs comfortably and dominated the entire room with his body language and unnerving presence. I was still amazed at how well self-confidence worked, it could fool everyone around you. He was nothing like Kit. Suddenly a small note flew onto my desk. Frowning I opened it.

"You like what you see?"

I crumpled the note, but he leaned over to me. "Don't be ashamed baby girl." 

"And if Mr. Buckley and Mrs. Brixton would defer their private conversations until later, I'd appreciate it," said Mr. Whitfield in an exasperated voice. 

I felt Kit's stares, but I ignored them, as well as Kent's annoying grin and the stares of the others. I was in my bubble, no one could get to me, not even myself.