Heartbreaker

10. Nasty Surprises

Almost eight o'clock. Hastily, I stuffed the books into my backpack, tugged at my top in front of the mirror, and fixed a few curls. "You are insanely beautiful." Grinning contentedly, I closed my eyes and pressed my hands over my heart. "Is everything all right, dear?", Julie asked, amused at my strange behavior. Blushing slightly, I grabbed my things. "Yeah, why?" "No reason.", she grinned, knowing something had happened. I hesitated. "Julie... do you think I'm beautiful?" "Of course." she said without thinking. "No, I mean ... has anyone ever told you that you're beautiful? Insanely beautiful?" She smiled broadly. "Has he said anything to you? Your crush?" I looked at my reflection in the mirror again. "I feel insanely beautiful when I'm around him," I said honestly. "I haven't felt that way in a long time." I could not wait to get to school. 

"Jamie Brixton, late again today?" " Sorry Mr. Whitfield." Disapprovingly, he pursed his lips and made a note in his book, but I blanked it all out. I could only see Kit, who was already sitting in the seat next to me. Was he smiling because he saw me or just because he was in a good mood? Was there a special look in his eyes or did he always look at me that way? "Good morning, late riser." "Good morning." I couldn't even joke, my heart was pounding up to my throat. "Did you survive your hangover?", I whispered to him. "Barely.", he answered, smiling his infamous crooked smile. Then we were silent for the rest of form. I thought of a hundred topics of conversation, but didn't dare to bring any of them up. Kit looked calm and focused next to me, and the calmer he seemed to me, the more nervous I became inside. "I'll see you at lunch.", he said as he packed up his books and left the classroom.

"I feel so stupid." My head rested on the desk and Cathy tapped me on the shoulder. "Cathy be honest, was I pushy when I partied at Harry's? Did I seem weird to you? Did I seem clingy to you?" She looked at me questioningly. "No. Why would you? There was nothing wrong with you! Kit was totally drunk, so maybe he doesn't remember a lot from that night." "Oh great. I don't know what would be worse, me scaring him away or him not remembering that he told me ..." "Told you what?" I fell silent. "Wait ..." I began to think. "What was the reason he got drunk in the first place? After all, before he left, he was fine and ..." I jumped up. "Oh my God! I'll explain later, but I have to go now!" There was no one on the rugby field. I thought about going to the locker rooms, but the gym was locked. After a while, I even went looking for him at the library, but no sign of Kit. Was he no longer on the school grounds? The lunch break was almost over. I was at a loss.

As I passed the rugby field a second time, someone caught my eye. After a moment's thought, I took off running. "Hey. Am I bothering you?" He looked up, unexpectedly with a deeply saddened expression on his face. "I don't mean to bother you. I know we've never really talked before, but...." At that moment, I regretted walking over to him at all. "Hi." he replied. "I just wanted to..." Charlie stopped talking, probably because he didn't know what to say. "I think I'd better go," I said, turning around then stopping. "I know it's weird that I'm asking you this, but is everything okay with Kit? He kind of disappeared earlier and..." Charlie looked at me in surprise. "What about him?" I felt even more sorry for his worried look. Jamie, you idiot. You suspected something was going on between them, and now you're clumsily demanding to shed light on it, but it's none of your business! I sighed and sank down on the bench next to him. "I'm sorry to butt in like this, you can tell me to leave honestly I would understand.. I'm just .... worried right now." Charlie stared at the trees in front of us, swaying slowly in the wind. After a while, he looked at me. "I guess I can't help you. I'm sorry." Without another word, he stood up, picked up his backpack, and trudged away with quick steps. I remained sitting, completely perplexed. 

As I rang the bell, my stomach tightened. Did I really think this through? I stood at Kit's front door, praying that his mother wouldn't answer and that he wouldn't be angry. Was he even there? I couldn't be impulsive anymore. I skipped class to talk to a boy I cared about, but who had fallen in love with another boy and now didn't want to talk to me. After a few seconds, I decided to leave. I can't do this, he wants to be left alone, Jamie, just leave him.... The door was ripped open. I couldn't really interpret his look, it was surprise but maybe also disappointment? Now I felt very small. What a totally stupid idea. "Hi," I said shyly, trying to break the ice. "Jamie." "It's me," I said, trying to sound funny, but I just couldn't control myself at that moment. "I'm sorry to bother you, I was just worried." He looked at me. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was going home." "Are you not feeling well, do you want me to leave you alone?" Just go, Jamie, let it go. He looked at me hesitantly. "Do you want to come inside?" I looked at him, it didn't sound very inviting. What was going on here? "I just wanted to know if everything was all right..." I broke off in mid-sentence because I saw something behind him. Or rather, someone: Kent Buckley. In his house.

"What the fuck." There were actually no better words to describe what I felt in that exact moment. I looked back and forth between them as if I were watching a ping pong match. "Jamie, my girl." Kent leaned casually against the doorframe and grinned broadly at me. "We haven't talked in so long. My buddy Kit over here says he's in the rugby team and I realized you guys know each other. How cute, I didn't think you'd be interested, he's so not your type. Or did you think he would actually start to go out with you?" He looked at me contemptuously. I bared my teeth. "Fuck off, Kent." "How rude." He raised his eyebrows in amusement. "But you've always had this way of pushing others away." My hands shook. "I can't believe the shit you're talking here. I can't believe you dare talk to me..." I was so angry I felt like crying. "Na na, no need to lash out." His eyes darkened and I clenched my hands into fists. "You're so disgusting..." He stepped closer to me, Kit grabbed his hoodie to stop him but Kent looked me menacingly in the eyes. "Looks like babyface is trying to muscle in here. Too bad he doesn't realize that's typical behavior for.... let's say, us." He turned to Kit. "Shawty may have made eyes at you because I've been out of town for a while, buddy. But trust me, she's obsessed with me." "Leave him out of this." He raised his eyebrows again and laughed. "Someone's really caught feelings." He laughed in my face one last time and then left the property, not without coming close to me one more time. As he turned around he said: "Yo Kid. Might join the rugby team, if you don't mind. I love the game and unfortunately the game loves me."

 It was as if a bomb had hit, right in the middle of the Nelsons' peaceful front yard. Even the cheerfully shining sun and the baby blue sky seemed like a mockery. It was so absurd to stand here in front of Kit. Kit, the perfect boy. Kit, who holds my hand while running through the rain, who makes the best hot chocolate in town. Kit, the boy that smiles at me every day when I walk into the room. Kit, who is in love with Charlie and had nothing to do with this. He was just there for me, a friend. Just a friend. "Jamie...", he said hesitantly. "No, don't say anything." "I can explain." "Really? You want to explain to me why my ex-boyfriend was hanging out with you at your house while you were supposed to be having lunch with me at school? You want to explain to me that you didn't know about what happened between him and I?" Tears were running down my cheeks, but I didn't care. I didn't care what I said to him because I was so angry that my face felt like it was on fire. "I feel so stupid..." He made moves to touch me, and I backed away. "The whole school is talking about it and now you're in his circle of friends too?" "No, Jamie we're not friends..." I interrupted him. "No Kit, we are not friends. You and I. And as for Kent, you have nothing to do with that. He put those photos of me on the internet. He was my boyfriend. My first true love. I left all that behind and now he's showing up everywhere, in school, in my life, in your house. I simply can't seem to escape my past or him for that matter. But I can end this scenario right here."