Dying and Everything in between

23| A Small Chance

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When Lucas entered the meeting room the next day, he was kind of surprised to see that no one was there. The door was open so he safely guessed that Jake stepped out for a while. 

He entertained the thought of leaving but was drawn toward the massive windows. He slid his hands inside his pockets, shivering. It was a cold morning, colder than usual and the jacket he was wearing over his sweater was not being enough to keep away chills leaving goosebumps on his skin. 

The outside wasn't looking too great either, for the torrential downpour battered against the glass with a muted thud and flooded the streets below. The surroundings itself were stained a murky gray, darkening the room with dull shadows.

Lucas leaned his shoulder against the cool glass, swallowing. Up to this moment, he still hasn't properly faced Joy. It was strange, funny even how the first thing that would come to his mind at this point was, 'the days he had were limited', dwindling with every breath he took.

Everything seemed to remind him of Joy. Not that there was much to remind him of her, but as he stood there alone, surrounded by nothing except a cold breeze, part of his mind drifted off to her. Part of him remembered her warmth. The irritating, overwhelmingly positive warmth he desperately wanted to avoid.

Laura's advice didn't help much with untangling the knot of emotions bunched in his chest. In fact, it made it worse. The knot that was tightening around his heart ached. It was a stupid to feel like this. Nothing he could do or say could explain what this felt like. A swell of his heart then a sinking sensation in his stomach.

There was a obvious reason too for him to not feel right about it. She had a boyfriend. Lucas was horribly stupid to even kiss her in the first place. Yes, he heard many stories of Noah cheating on Joy from Bea but Lucas wasn't an idiot to understand how cheating to get back at someone was equally horrible. 

So many things, everything, was screaming at him that this was doomed from the start. That they were doomed from the start. He was stupid to even consider she would reciprocate his feeling when he wasn't sure himself if these emotions were truly genuine or just a whim of the moment.

"Good morning Jake— oh, hey." He craned his head toward the entrance, eyes widening when he realized who it was. Joy. Of course, it was Joy. 

"Hey," He cleared his throat, averting his gaze back toward the window. He shifted over his feet, hearing the soft thud of Joy's footsteps approach him.

"Do you know where Jake went?" She asked once she was by his side a good distance away. A safe distance away. Hearing the nonchalance in her tone made him scowl from inside. Was he just overthinking things?

"I don't know," He said. "The room was empty."

"Ah, I'll just text him then," She leaned against the window, whipping out her phone. Lucas tried his best to keep himself from looking at her.

Maybe he was overthinking everything, but how could he not look at Joy without feeling that? Whatever it was, it was still a feeling. A feeling that made his heartthrob rapidly in his chest, so rapid that he could hear it in his ears and feel it all over. It made his lungs squeeze and his stomach all fluttery.

But it was also the guilt— the guilt that hung over his shoulders with an undeniable, crushing weight. The guilt that there wasn't time. The guilt that he made Joy cheat on the only person she seemed capable of loving, no matter how terrible he was.