Dying and Everything in between

28| Mush of a feeling

─── ･｡•̩̩͙˚｡✧: *. .*:✧•̩̩͙･ﾟ｡───

"When I agreed to go, I didn't think we'd end up here." Joy chuckled softly as she peered at the surroundings around them.  

They were on the hospital roof. The stars were brighter than he expected, scattered across the velvety black sky like a thousand tiny promises. The city below was muted, its usual noise softened to a distant hum. A cool breeze whispered across the rooftop, carrying the faint scent of rain.

"Can you tell I panicked?" He breathed out, not willing to admit that he wasn't exactly too calm about this.

"A little bit," Joy said as she leaned on a railing her back against the concreate.

Lucas could feel Joy's gaze linger on him, but he couldn't bring himself to meet her gaze. If he did, he was sure Joy would look away. Call him selfish but he wanted her to look at him again. It had been so long since they were alone together, and it felt like so much had changed. She was hiding so many things, he was stable on his feet again and yet he just wanted things to be like it always used to be. Maybe there wasn't much room in her heart for Lucas but could she give what she could? 

That was beside the point. They weren't here for some depressing moment. They both had enough of the depressing vibe. Not that they could do much to stop it but they could at least try, right?

"So," Joy drummed her fingers on her sides, deciding to break the awkward silence for the sake of it. "What now?"

"What now?" Lucas repeated softly.

"Yeah, you did bring me here with you," Joy pointed out. "Do you have a plan?"

"Not really," He said sheepishly, averting his gaze in front of him. "You?"

"You're something else, Lucas," Joy shook her head, leaning back with that same, stupid smile on her lips.

Lucas walked over beside her but they didn't stand for long before plopping down on the floor, their backs still pressed against the concreate of the railings. 

"You know how to make me feel better," Joy chuckled lightly, eyes fixated on the sky above, the stars screaming with light.

"I try," He murmured, his gaze falling on her. On her faint scar peeking out from beneath her collarbone. On how paler she looked than usual. "You deserve it though."

"I deserve it?" Joy arched an eyebrow, her eyes still in the sky. She didn't look at him, Lucas noticed.

"Well, yeah," He snorted, trying to play it off. He was forcing himself to ignore how his heart roared in his ears, making him aware he was alive whether he liked it or not. But since it was Joy he didn't mind it. Didn't mind being alive. Didn't mind feeling this incredible euphoria. Didn't mind getting lost in this utopia.

"You're always there for me," He stammered softly. "It's only fair someone's there for you too."

"You sure you want to be that person?" She asked wryly.

"I want to try," He shrugged, swallowing thickly. He willed himself to meet her gaze, even if his heart was throbbing uncontrollably and the flutter in his stomach left his stomach in giddy shambles. "I want to try to be that person."

"Wow," She spoke out nervously. "That's a first."

"A first?" His brows furrowed, his shoulders slumping. Joy nodded.

"The first time someone's meant it," She said bluntly, smiling wistfully as she stared in front of her.

"Are you really okay?" He asked.