Dying and Everything in between

29| Pitiful feelings

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Hope was fucking pitiful. 

Lucas knew from the day he got his diagnosis that hope was the most pitiful and useless thing to have. 

It was proven to be more true when he didn't see Joy in the following days after the night on the roof. It made sense, seeing he got another fever. At least it wasn't too bad, but it drove Joy away anyway. 

He tried to not let it bother him that she left him yet again. It seemed to be a habit of her to run away when things get awkward or complicated, but did he blame her? Not necessarily. 

Sure, it was a little frustrating but at least Joy could run away. Lucas didn't have that privilege to escape his thoughts when things got tough, and he envied her for that. 

But Lucas carried on like a champ, even though Joy was barely here anymore. It was usually Bea and Alexis that would keep him company now a days. The pair could get pretty loud and obnoxious, but it saved him from spending his time in utter silence with nothing but himself and thoughts he wasn't quire ready to face yet. 

It was fine. Things were just....fine. Subpar. Mediocre. Who was he to complain? At least he was still alive. 

"So... this is the party?" 

Lucas asked wryly, following Bea into the cafeteria that was now decorated like a cheesy high school dance. He eyed the balloons and streamers and the blue ambient lighting skeptically, not having to wonder who decorated this because it practically screamed 'Laura'.

"Yeah, isn't it nice?" Bea draped her arm around Lucas's elbow. Maybe a long time ago he would have swatted her away, but at this point, he didn't care anymore. 

"Sure," He nodded, voice small. Neither one of them said a word after that, as they joined the others. 

"Hey guys," Laura was the first to greet them when they approached the group. 

Lucas glanced around, noticing Jake, Cole, Alexis, and Nora chatting among themselves. Everyone was dressed in semi-formal attire like it was an actual prom. Even Lucas was dressed in a white button-up and black tuxedo. 

However, his stomach dropped knowing one person was missing from the gathering. Joy. Of course, it was Joy. 

"Where's Joy?" Bea asked before he could ask himself, internally thanking her for it.

"She said something about running late," Jake answered. For some reason, Lucas couldn't believe that. "She'll be here soon." 

"Great," Laura clapped her hands together, beaming once her gaze met Lucas's. "We won't bother you guys anymore. Jake and I will be in my office down the hall. Call if you need anything."

Jake and Laura waved goodbye. When Laura brushed past Lucas, she squeezed his shoulder and flashed him a loving smile before disappearing off with her coworker. 

Lucas, on the other hand, watched as everyone else instantly went toward the refreshment table, filled with snacks and drinks they wouldn't usually have during their hospital stays. 

But he stood behind, balancing on his crutches as he watched everyone have fun without him. It wasn't like he was upset. He distanced himself from them on purpose. It was only natural they wouldn't have cared, but part of him was bitter. Bitter, he put all his time and effort into someone who wasn't here when there was a group of people who could have cared for him more.